Invading the Fellowship
by The Inner Quadrilateral
Summary: A normal, boring day at WHS leads to an unexpected trip through Middle-Earth. Four girls are "assisting" the Fellowship, and may just make a few changes...
1. One

Invading the Fellowship

Disclaimer: We don't own the Fellowship. Or any of the other characters that happen to appear. Sad to say, I know. Katie came up with the ideas to this, we just went along with her.

It was once again third hour, Thursday, to be exact, so Katie and Renee were stuck in the bleachers of WHS South Gym doing the usual: absolutely nothing.

            "If I ever play turnip-ball again I'm going to explode." Katie leaned back, damaging her backbone even more than she already had.

            "There's no such thing as turnip-ball!"

            "If they have pickleball, they have turnip-ball," Katie protested.

            "Hey guys." Sami crawled up the bleachers, Megan behind her.

            "What're you doing here?" Renee asked, confused. She blinked. "It's the middle of third hour!"

            "Picture day for Scholar Bowl, remember?" Sami grinned.

            "Guys…we better run!" Katie jumped off the bleachers. "Creepy girl at 6 o'clock!" She pointed over at Cynthia, the freaky girl who never left her and Renee alone during that hour.

            "Let's sneak in Ms. Borger's office," Renee suggested.

            "Er…why?" Sami raised an eyebrow.

            "I dunno." Renee shrugged.  The four of them, obviously having nothing better to do, snuck into the office and shut the door.

            "XD…now what?" Katie asked, knocking something over as she turned around. She put a look on her face and pointed to Megan. "She did it!" Before Megan could argue back, there was a loud explosion.

            "What's going on?" Renee asked as they snuck under the bleachers. "What the—"

            Orcs were running about, directing the entire school to the doors. Mr. Brown, wearing a brown robe, was leading the orcs to a portal.

            "I knew he couldn't be trusted!" Megan snapped her fingers. "Mr. Brown works for Sauron the White!"

            "Don't you mean Saruman?" Sami questioned.

            "No, apparently Sauron finally hear d about Visine tears, and he's no longer has red-eye."

            "XD…that's punny…well, let's go after them!" Katie stood up and charged to the portal.

            "Shouldn't we pack first?" Megan asked."

            "Nah. We'll get stuff later." Renee stood up and ran after Katie.  One by one, the four friends stepped in, reappearing in Middle Earth. They landed on a bright marble floor.

            "XD that was fun!" Katie sat up. "Ooooh…Elfy people!"

            "I'd say we're in an Elven city." Sami looked about before getting hit on the head by her backpack. "OW!"

            "Hey, my stuff's all here," Renee said, opening her pack.  "Must have been transported here."

            "I've got it!" Megan piped up. "I knew this place looked familiar! We're in Rivendell!"

            "Sounds like a shoe brand…" Katie stood up, dusting herself off.

            "Second shop on the left," said an Elf girl as she walked by.

            "Let's go buy Elf-shoes!" Katie grinned, but Megan pulled on her backpack, stopping her.

            "We're already somehow wearing Elf-attire," Megan pointed out.

            "But…can't I get some tights and a tunic with a lil' green hat?"

            "No more Zelda for you!" Megan laughed.

            "Hey! Look!" Renee suddenly shouted. She pointed to the Elves down below.  "OH MY GOD IT'S LEGOLAS!!" She, Sami, and Megan started squealing.

            "Oooh…shiny…" Katie saw a shiny gold ring on the table far below. If Megan hadn't stopped her, she would have fallen out the window.

            "If you got a hold of that, it'd be the end of the world as we know it!"

"What's wrong with living in houses made out of cupcakes?" Katie asked innocently.

            "Ants," Sami blurted out.

"Oh…" Katie looked dejected for a moment, then brightened up. "Hey! Let's join the Fellowship! We could see ringwraiths, trolls, orcs…and…um…stuff!" She grinned broadly.

            "And we can spend some quality time with Legolas!" Megan clamped her hands to her face and sighed.

            Katie was about to say something when she spotted a familiar-looking Elf. "Haldir!…You're not in Loth…Lother…whatchamacalit, but oh well!"

            "Do I know you?" the bewildered Elf asked.

            "Well, you do now, but you're gonna come along with us and protect me from Sam!" Katie replied.

            "Oh, okay." Haldir blinked, holding up a big sign reading, "**HELP ME"**, in Elf-runes as Katie dragged him to the Council of Elrond, the three others following her.

            Sam was the first to see them. "Save me from the scary ladies, Mr. Frodo!" he screeched, diving behind Frodo as Katie hid behind Haldir.

            "Don't worry," said Boromir. "Whoever these intruders are, I shall smite them with the Horn of Gondor…somehow…"

            "That, or a fishstick." Renee, Katie, Sami, and Megan started laughing about some inside joke.

            "Oh yeah? Well, I'll smite _you_ with…um…" Megan dug through her backpack.

            "A _Harry Potter_ book?" Renee suggested.

            "No! My pretty HP book!" Megan clutched the 734-page book she held. "Mine…"

            "Oh, screw this," Katie said, taking out the Rod of Seasons and bonking Boromir on the head with it.

            "Yay!" cheered Aragorn. "Can I be King now?"

            "What does killing Boromir have to do with being King?" Legolas asked, as he tried to push Sami and Renee out from his personal bubble.

            "Everything has something to do with being King," Aragorn pouted.

            "Hey, what's this?" Katie said, leaping up onto the table and picking up the ring. The Council gasped in horror.

            "No! Don't!" Frodo cried.

            "XD…I'm not gonna _drop_ it—oops!" Katie said, pretending to drop it, but catching it before it fell. She tossed it around in the air, teasing Frodo. "Catch it if ya can!"

            "Leave Mr. Frodo alone!" Sam pulled a pitchfork out of nowhere and pointed at her.

            "EEEEEEEP! Haldir, HELP!" Katie jumped behind Haldir. Haldir hurled a chair at Sam, who ran behind Frodo again. "XD…thanks cool Elf-bodyguard-sir-Haldir!"

            "…Sure…" Haldir said, sitting back down.

            "Well, I don't want this anyway," Katie said, and she flipped the ring back onto the table. "It's ugly."

            "You…can resist its power?" Elrond asked, disbelieving.

            "I guess so…what's it for?"

            "The history of the ring…" Elrond began, but Katie had already fallen asleep, leaning against Haldir.

            "Make it brief, Elrond." Megan joined Sami and Renee in grooming Legolas.

            "I'm so pretty!" he sang happily.

            "Katie! Wake up!" Sami whispered loudly, chucking a marshmallow at her head.

            "K." Katie sat up.

            "We have to destroy the Ring," Gandalf proclaimed. He stood up.

            "Well, we've said that about twenty times, old man," Some Guy said. "You dozed off."

            "Sorry, Some Guy. I must now inform you of Morton the Brown."

            "That's my chemistry teacher!" Megan gasped, then burst out laughing with the other three teenage girls.

            "Can we destroy it?" Katie asked. People jumped up and immediately started fighting, until Frodo spoke up. Well, they kept fighting after Frodo spoke up too.

            "I'll do it," he said, except no one heard him. "I'll take the Ring."

            "Aww, poor Frodo," Megan said. "No one listening to him but us!"

            "Hey people! SHUT UP!" Renee screamed. Everyone quit fighting to look at her. "Uh…

            "Frodo has something to say," announced Katie, shoving him toward the people.

            "I will take the Ring."

            "A hobbit?" Some Guy said.

            "Yeah, why not? They're durable, small, they live long, and can resist stuff…"Katie rambled until Sami kicked her. "K, I'm done."

            "Sam at 3 o'clock," Megan whispered to Katie. Katie motioned for Haldir, who took care of Sam.

            "Can we have cool Elven names?" Sami asked Elrond.

            "Very well." He nodded, and turned to Katie. "Since you can resist the Ring, your name shall be Selistia."

            "If that means retard, I'm gonna kick you ¬.¬…"Katie grumbled.

            "Er…it doesn't." Elrond turned to the next girl.

            "Me!" Sami exclaimed.

            "Right…" Elrond thought for a moment. "How about Angaalkariel?"

            "Hey, whaddya know? That website-name-generator-thingy-thing was right after all," Sami said in surprise.  "Cool."

            "Can I be next? Ooh, pick me! Pick me!" Megan was jumping up and down in excitement.

            "Okay, you're Marille."

            "Marril!" Katie whispered loudly, having spent a little too much time with her Pokémon.

            Elrond looked at the last girl. "Er…Elanor. It's an Elven flower."

            "Cool," said Renee. "I get to be named after an Elven flower." She stuck out her tongue at Sami, who repeated the gesture.

            "Can we leave now?" Aragorn asked impatiently. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we return, the sooner I get to be King. I wanna be King!"

            "All right, fine, good riddance." Elrond practically pushed the expanded Fellowship out the doors of Rivendell, ignoring Arwen's pleading to say goodbye to Aragorn.


	2. Two

Invading the Fellowship

Part Two

"So…" said Katie. "We've been kicked out of Rivendell! Go us!!"

            "It's all his fault!" Sami pointed at Gimli, simply because the Dwarf of the party hadn't been mentioned yet.

            "Argh! Ich! Ech! Auch. Ach. Argh again. What did I do?" Gimli the extremely ugly little dwarf grunted.

            "I dunno," Sami replied. "Just felt that someone needed to mention your name."

            "Argh."

            "He needs a wider vocabulary," Renee whispered.

            "Yeah," Megan agreed. "Sounds like Gollum with _his_ limited vocab."

            "Hey now," Katie said, "Gollum is actually a very intelligent…thing…"

            "Suuuuuuuure…" Megan commented sarcastically.

            It was at that moment the four girls realized the rest of the Fellowship was staring at them rather oddly…again.

            "What are you looking at?" Katie asked. Sam looked at her, and she ran to hide behind Haldir.

            "Hey!" Sami exclaimed. "Where'd you come from?"

            "Came to protect Miss Katie from the Evil Hobbit." He glared menacingly at Sam, and Sam ran to attach himself to Frodo. Frodo looked disturbed by this.

            "Anyways," Megan began. "Where exactly are we going again?"

            "We're off to destroy the Ring…" Renee sang.

            "The evil, bad Ring of Sauron…" Sami chimed in. The two of them skipped around in circles.

            "Hey!" Megan shouted suddenly, making Sami and Renee trip over each other. Megan looked around. "Where'd the rest of the Fellowship go?"

            "Um…there they are!" Katie exclaimed. They ran down the road to catch up with the rest of them.

            "Phew," Renee said. "You guys almost left us behind!"

            "Damn," said Boromir.

            "What was that?" Megan asked sharply.

            "Oh, nothing!" He smiled angelically.

            "Ew! Don't do that!" Sami cried.

            "Do what?" Pippin asked.

            "Smile!" she answered, shrieking. "Ew, ew! Don't you have any Altoids? Or Crest® Whitening toothpaste?"

            "What?" Merry, not to mention the rest of the Fellowship, was obviously confused.

            "Never mind."

            "Here, I have gum!" Katie pulled out a huge bag.

            "You _always_ have gum." Megan rolled her eyes. "Your locker's full of it!"

            "Here," Katie tossed a piece a Boromir, who amused himself with the wrapper. Katie felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up to see Legolas. "XD…hi…"

            "Do you have any Dentyne Ice?" he asked, blinking.

            "I have Orbit!" Sami piped up, tossing a piece to Legolas.

"That's not fair!" Renee pouted at Katie. "How come he asked you for gum and not me?"

"Well, she has the bag," Aragorn pointed out the obvious. He took it and distributed the gum throughout the Fellowship. "Now you all have an endless supply of gum."

"And I still have all of mine!" Katie looked into the bag. "Must be one of those food-multiplying Jesus tricks.

"Another what?" Pippin asked.

"…XD…never mind." Katie shoved the bag back into her backpack. "Hey…where'd all my pudding go?"

"I didn't take it. Hey, what's that?" Sami pointed to a bunch of rocks in the distance.

"It's the ruins of stuff," Gandalf replied, heading to the front of the pack. "We'll camp there for the night." He dragged the group towards the rocks.

"Ahh!" Renee fell down after tripping on a rock. "My ankle! I think I sprained it!"

"Faker." Sami mumbled.

"Let me see it," Legolas said, bending down next to her.

"XD…I'd take a picture, but someone stole my camera," Katie said, while eating Chex Mix.

"I have one!" Megan snapped a picture. "Gee, Sami looks mad." She pointed over to her, and Katie noticed she had turned red and there was steam coming out of her ears.

"Argh, I'm mad too!" Gimli grumbled. "Don't have any beer."

"That, or you're constipated," Pippin said.

"Argh!" Gimli said again, then waddled over to a rock and sat down.

"With your ankle that badly sprained, you can't walk." Legolas picked up Renee. "I shall carry you the rest of the way there."

"Here," Katie said to Sami, handing her a baseball bat. "Sam's over there. Go vent your anger…blow off some steam." Grumbling, Sami took the bat and dragged Sam behind a rock. The rest of the Fellowship winced as they heard very painful screams.

"The enemy could be close behind!" Frodo blurted out. "Let's hurry up and get to the rocks!"

"K. Sami! C'mon!" Megan called. Sami reappeared, dragging a bruised and unconscious Samwise behind her, and followed them up the hill to the rocks.

"Grrrrrr…" Sami griped as she watched Legolas mend Renee's foot.

"Hey…where's Katie?" Megan asked. "Found her pudding. Merry had it."  
            "I was hungry!" Merry insisted. "She dragged Frodo off to go hunting for mushrooms anyway."

"What about Sam?"

"He's over there." Merry pointed to the fat hobbit chained to a log. "Haldir's chained him up after following them into the woods."

"Keep off of it for a few days and you'll be fine." Legolas finished wrapping Renee's ankle.

"Argh! Fancy elf…stupid…" Gimli complained.

"Uh…yeah…" Megan nodded. "Whatever you say. Hey, what's for dinner?"

"Crisp bacon and potatoes." Pippin poked the potatoes in the fire.

"Oooooh…yummy." Megan grinned. "But I have an urge for fishsticks.

"Me too!" Renee and Sami said in unison.

"I think there's a box in my backpack." Katie walked up, carrying a basket of mushrooms.

"Here, let's cook them." Pippin quickly grabbed the mushrooms and started cooking them.

"Okay, okay!" Katie blinked. "Chill."

"Mushroom good in the stomach taste." Gandalf said, then fell over.

Katie, Sami, Renee, and Megan all looked at each other, then said simultaneously, "Pipeweed."

"Dinner's ready!" Pippin announced. "Careful with the potatoes they're hot!"

"All right. Perfect." Sami picked up a potato and flung it at Sam's head.

"Ahh!" Sam cried, ducking as the potato narrowly missed his head. "You almost hit me!"

"Yeah I know…I've got bad aim…" she faked sympathy.

"Here…" Legolas handed Renee a cooled potato. "It's not much, but you need your strength. Eat up!"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Sami kicked Gimli clear across the camp.

"What did he do?" Megan asked, dropping a hot potato down the back of Sam's shirt.

"Breathed." With that, Sami stormed off to her bed.

"Woohoo! Nice kick, Sami! You should have gone out for soccer!" Renee yelled after her.

There was the sound of yelling in the distance.

"Er, okay," said Aragorn. "I must go, I will search the area. I will be back."

"Er, okay," Katie mocked. Aragorn shot her an angry glance, then left. "Haha!" she laughed.

All of the sudden, they heard rocks crumbling. Someone was invading their camp! The four hobbits went into their little circle, backs against each other. Katie started digging stuff out of her backpack.

"Okay…have a surfboard, a baseball bat, another stick…why do I have that in there?"

Everyone else was starting to suspect that her backpack was not really a backpack, but instead a bottomless pit. Sam tried to steal a cookie she had pulled out. She motioned for Haldir, who proceeded to try to throw Sam off the side of the cliff. Then, a shadow moved in the distance.

"Ha! The wraiths! Sweet! I wanna picture!" Megan said, whipping her camera back out.

"Oh great, what fun this will be," Sami said as Legolas went to stand in front of Renee and guard her.

"Wait, wait, wait, I got it!" Katie said. "Haldir, you take the surfboard and hit the first one in the face. I'll take out the second one with the bat, Megan you take the stick, and Sami, you take the Sam and chuck him at the fourth one. Ready, now!

Everyone looked at her strangely.

"Hey, I'm not a light traveler!"

"Ah, okay," said Boromir.

"Yeah. Now on my mark, get set, NOW!!"

"I got one! Score!" Sami cheered as she sent Sam flying into the nearest wraith.

"We got four! Yes!" Katie cried.

"AH! AH!" Frodo screamed from the corner.

"What? What?" Katie cried frantically.

"Oh no!" Megan exclaimed. "He's been stabbed by the Nazgul!"

"Noooo!" Sam shouted, running over to Frodo.

"HEY! GET AWAY FROM MY HOBBIT!" Katie yelled.

Sam was about to retort, but then saw Haldir and backed off.

"Arrrrrrrrgh!" Aragorn yelled, charging into the clearing. "Where are the evil Nazgul?"

"Hey, bud, um, well, we already chased them away. I think you were a bit, you know, LATE!" Katie screamed.

"Oh, yes, well, sorry," Aragorn apologized.

"Hellooooo! The cute little hobbit just got stabbed over here!" Frodo said.

"Oh, yeah," Megan said. "Ahem. Frodo! No! Someone help him!!"

Aragorn raced over to him and started barking orders. "Sam, go get this flower-thing! Bring it back, now hurry!"

Sam looked at him evilly, but then walked away. "It's to save Mr. Frodo…" he mumbled.

"Okay, let's go, come on!" Katie yelled. "Hurry up, what're you waitin' for?"

"Well, for Sam to get back," Merry replied uncertainly.

"Uh, that's why we should be _going_!" Katie pushed them along. "Come on, _come on_! Pick up Frodo, Aragorn!

At that moment, Sam came running back. "Found it!"

"Dammit," Sami muttered. Sam shot her a glance, but she pointed at Katie who pointed at Haldir. Sam ran over to Aragorn and Frodo.

"Nice little security system," Renee commented.

"I want a bodyguard," Megan whined.

"I will protect you!" Gimli was now back again.

"But you're a ugly little dwarf with chunky braids and a big helmet."

"Argh! So?"

"Well…you're not exactly very impressive-looking."

"Yeah," Katie stuck her tongue out at Gimli. "You're not as cool as Haldir."

"I think Frodo's gonna die…" Renee pointed to Frodo, who was starting to turn green.

"No he won't," Sami said. "You read the books, didn't you?"

"Hey!" Arwen rode up on her horse. "Let me take him to Rivendell and fix him up."

"But…didn't we just come from Rivendell? Megan pointed out.

"…So?" Sami blinked. "Well just be in Rivendell again for a few days…"

"That would be good." Legolas nodded, picking up Renee. "Then you can get plenty of rest."

Katie handed Sami the bat again, and she dragged Sam behind a tree. Everyone tried to ignore Sam's voice up three octaves.

"I will take Frodo there! Bye!" Arwen pulled Frodo up on the horse and rode off laughing.

"Katie, she rode off with your hobbit!" Megan turned to Katie.

"I have back-up hobbits." She pointed to Pippin.

"Hey! You can't have Pippin! He's mine!" Renee glared at her.

"You have Legolas, so hush up." Katie snapped her fingers. Haldir picked her up and put her on his back, carrying her piggy-back style. "XD…this is the life."

"That's not fair!" Megan wailed. She looked over and saw Gimli. "Er…I'll be fine walking…"

"K, we're there," Sami announced.

"HUH?" The Fellowship looked up.

"^_^ we were only two minutes away from Rivendell!" Katie said, sliding off Haldir's back.

"That was a total waste of time," Renee said as Legolas carried her to some Elf-house.

"Where's Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked, looking around.

"He's resting," Elrond said, appearing. "You can see him in a bit."


	3. Three

Invading the Fellowship

Part Three

A ringwraith interlude…

***

"Good work, Morton." Saruman turned to Mr. Brown. "Now, with the school in our possession, we can corrupt the world! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and Larry! Come here!"

"Yeah, boss?" #5 wraith spoke up.

"Did you get _my_ ring yet?"

"Uh…no…" it blinked. "Me and the guys wanna go surfing. And doesn't the ring belong to Dark Lord Sauron?"

"IT'S MINE! But…okay…you can go surfing.

"WOOHOO!" #5 ran out. "Hey guys, we can go!" Loud cheers came from the back room.

"Ringwraiths…" Saruman mumbled.

***

"74 bottles of beer on the wall!" The four girls could be heard singing from inside the bathroom. Haldir stood outside the door, watching Sam's every move.

"It's no use sneaking in!" Haldir glared at him. "You can't get past me."

"Aw, crap." Sam pouted, putting his pitchfork away. He walked off, then fell down the stairs.

"Argh! Hobbit stupid…" Gimli grunted from the table.

"Yes, very," Aragorn agreed. "Don't know why they've entrusted such an important task with a hobbit and four girls who came out of nowhere.

Sam then turned up at the bottom of the stairs.

"Stupid hobbit," Gimli sighed.

"Hey guys," said Megan, "time for supper."

"Hey! Yeah!" Katie exclaimed, climbing on Haldir's back.

"Oh, Legolas, will you carry me down there?" Renee asked.

"Here, Sami." Katie gave her the bat yet again who proceeded to hit Sam a few more times.

"Ow! Why me?" Sam asked.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" Katie screamed.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Sam said, pulling his pitchfork out of who-knows-where and lunging at her.

"HALDIR!!" Katie shrieked. Haldir grabbed Sam, took him into a closet, and started beating his up.

"Ah, that's better," Katie said.

"Wait, what about Frodo?" Pippin asked.

"Oh yeah, forgot again," Megan said. "Go check on him or something."

Merry and Pippin ran up the stairs to Frodo's room. They checked on him and charged back down.

"Well, he's still a little green, but not so bad. More yellowish now, like squash in the spring," Merry reported.

"Yeah, he's fine, now time to eat," Pippin said.

"Yeah, uh, right, okay," said Sami.

Haldir then showed up with Sam trailing behind him. Sam had a black eye and his clothes were torn.

"Serves him right!" Katie said, and they all laughed.

"Now that everyone's here, the meal may begin." Elrond stated. "Who wants to say grace?"

"OH! I WILL!" Renee shouted and stood up.

"Oh, look Renee, your leg! It's better! This is wonderful!" Legolas cheered.

"Crap! I mean, ow, ow! That hurts!"

"Yeah, nice try" Sami said. She then dropped her fork. "Oh, Legolas, I've dropped my fork. Could you pick it up for me, please?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," he said, bending down to get it.

Sami stuck her tongue out at Renee. Katie dug out her bat and gave it to Renee this time, who took Sam from his place at the table and dragged him to another room.

"Guys, _I_ still need a protector!" Megan said.

"I will protect you!" said Boromir, just because he hadn't spoken in a while.

"Well…" she looked him over. "Okay. Just sit here and don't bug me. And for God's sake, take a shower sometime!"

Boromir looked embarrassed, but muttered an "Okay."

"Hey guys!" said Frodo! "Look at me!"

"FRODO!" Sam said, getting up from the pile on the floor Renee had made of him. He went over and kissed Frodo's feet.

"Sam, if you're hungry, please don't eat my feet…" Frodo looked a bit scared.

"Sorry, Mr. Frodo." Sam sat up.

"Okay, I'm full. I'm off to bed. Haldir, there's a chair outside my door. You can sit there tonight," Katie said. Haldir nodded, and walked with her, Sam sneaking close behind. Then there was a series of thuds and a loud "OW!" as Sam fell down the stairs again, probably from being pushed by Haldir.

"Will he ever learn?" Gandalf asked, somewhat rhetorically.

"Um, no," Renee said.

"Legolas, I'm awfully tired. Will you carry me to my room?" Sami asked. Legolas picked her up and walked away. Sami laughed at Renee from over Legolas's shoulder. Renee picked up the bat and went after Gimli.

"Ow, what was that for?" Gimli asked.

"Oh, you were wearing a helmet! What does it matter?" Renee barked and stalked up the stairs to bed.

"Okay, well I'm off too," Pippin said. "You coming?" he asked to Merry, who nodded. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, well, I'm gonna smoke another pipe, then I'll be off. Gandalf said.

"Boromir. Carry me to my bed," Megan commanded.

"Well, I don't—" he began, but Katie's voice wafted from upstairs cut him off.

"NOW!"

"Fine, fine…" Boromir said. He picked her up gracefully and took her upstairs.

"Well, Arwen. Where have you been to lately?" Aragorn asked, not yet ready to go to bed…alone, anyways.

"Mmm…well I know where we could _go_…" she purred, petting his chest.

"EW!" Renee cried from behind a chair. She had come back downstairs to see if anything interesting would happen. She didn't mean _that_ kind of interesting.

"XD…that's creepy." Katie popped up out of nowhere next to Renee.

"Where'd you come from?" Renee blinked.

"Plothole." Katie shrugged, then a lightbulb appeared over her head. "I have an idea!" She turned and headed off to her room.

"What is it?" Renee asked.

Katie paused for a minute, and shrugged again. "Dunno. Kinda…forgot…hm? What's that sound?"

"It's coming from outside." Renee pointed out to the garden. She and Katie headed outside, only to find Sam singing to someone.

"What the din are you doing?" Katie demanded.

"Serenading Mr. Frodo!" Sam pulled out his pitchfork and started chasing Katie.

"-.-…whatever…" Renee hit them both on the head with a frying pan. Yawning, she dragged Katie upstairs and chucked her in her room before heading to her own.

***

"Uh…go fish," #3 told #2.

"Guys, we should be tanning, not playing cards." #6 adjusted his shades.

"Yeah, #1 over there could use some color," Larry said, leaning back.

Out of nowhere, a loud voice rang out. "GO GET MY RING!" Saruman screeched.

"Okay, okay," #4 yawned. "Geeez…"

"Who does he think he is?" #8 grumbled. Making bishounen like us go ring-hunting.

"I AM THE GREAT SARUMAN! NOW GET!"

"-.-…fine." The wraiths got up and left, grumbling.

***

"We're off to see the ringwraiths, the ringwraiths, the ringwraiths!" Katie and Merry pranced around, singing. Legolas was about to scream, but Elrond came back with horses.

"You can travel much faster on horses," Elrond told them, before getting chased off by Katie with a pair of scissors.

"We're short one," Sami said, counting the horses after mounting one. "Someone has to walk."

"Make Sam walk," Megan suggested.

"XD…I have my own horse!" Katie whipped out the Ocarina of Time and played Epona's song 52 times.

"Katie…you're creepy." Megan blinked.

"I don't see a horse…"Aragorn looked around. Katie played it again, but Legolas took away the Ocarina.

"IF I HEAR THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME…" Legolas began, but Epona finally showed up.

"XD, only works on the 53rd time!" Katie climbed upon the horse. "You're creepy when you're mad…"

"Legolas, will you help me on the horse?" Renee asked sweetly. He nodded, then helped Renee mount the horse. Furious, Sami turned and kicked Sam off his horse.

"Ow." Sam hit the ground.

"Sam!" Frodo scowled. "Quit playing around! We must get to Mordor."

"And find Smeagol!" Katie said happily, then she and Merry started singing again.

"EGG ROLL!" Gandalf bellowed. The two nuisances shut up, then the four girls burst out laughing.

"…Argh! No!" Gimli grunted.

"……EW!" Sami pinched her nose. "What's that smell?"

"SAM!" Megan growled. Sam pointed at Gimli, who pointed back at Sam.

"Er…excuse me…" Boromir cleared his throat. "Taco Bell last night…"

"They have Taco Bells here?" Renee asked. Boromir nodded. "Sweet!" Renee said happily. "Hehehehe…"

"But…ew!" Megan exclaimed.

"Hehehe…ehehehe…hehe," Sami giggled uncontrollably. "Rather amusing, though…hehe…"

"Um…" Katie began, "where exactly are we?"

"I dunno. Ask Boromir," Aragorn said.

"Ask Sam."

"Ask Mr. Frodo."

"Ask Merry."

"Ask Pippin."

"Ask Legolas."

"Ask Gimli."

"Ask Gandalf."

Gandalf shrugged. "I thought Aragorn knew."

"Great," Sami said sarcastically to Gandalf. "Legolas, we're lost!" she cried, burying her face in his shoulder.

Katie, seeing this, handed over the Sam-bat to Renee. She disappeared.

"Ow…ow! Oh, ouch! No, don't!" Sam screamed in the background.

Legolas put a comforting hand on Sami's back, and Renee proceeded to hit Sam harder.

"Guys, wait! According to my calculations, we should be close to Caradhras," Megan said smartly.

Just then, the Fellowship, plus the four girls, got over the hill and there in front of them stood the snow-peaked Caradhras.

"Let's rest here for tonight," Aragorn suggested.

"We'll rest until dusk," Gandalf said to Aragorn, who only glared back.

Katie, then, snuck up behind Sam, stole his pitchfork, and ran away.

"GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!" Sam yelled, his eyes glowing demon-red.

Katie screamed, threw the pitchfork to Haldir, and then hid behind him. Haldir stabbed Sam in the butt with the pitchfork.

"Go," Haldir said simply to Sam, who cowered in fright, then ran.

"Oh, Legolas, I'm awfully famished," Renee said, batting her eyelashes. Legolas created a little bed of moss for her to lie on, then gave her something to drink. Sami kicked Gimli across the camp again.

"Ow! What was that for?" Gimli asked, rubbing his rear end.

"Like you actually have to ask now?" Megan muttered.

"Hush, I hear something," Boromir said.

A swarm of black birds was heading towards them with a purpose.

"Crebain!" Aragorn yelled.

"Hide!" Gandalf commanded.

Legolas covered Renee under a rock. Sami went over to Gimli and began to repeatedly smash his helmet against a rock. Gandalf, Boromir, and Aragorn hid the hobbits, then hid themselves.

Katie and Megan stared blankly.

"What?" Katie asked.

"Hide!" Boromir mouthed. "Hide!"

"Hi…hello to you too. Er…him? Heinz? Yeah, 57 varieties, but…what's that got to do with anything?" Megan asked, puzzled.

"No, HIDE!" Aragorn finally yelled.

"Why?"

"The crebain! They're spies for Saruman!" Boromir explained.

"Those black things?" Katie asked.

"Yes!" Aragorn, Boromir, and Gandalf replied.

"Oh, no, those are just crows…see? They landed over there," Megan said, pointing her finger.

Sami continued to beat Gimli in the background.

"Oh," said Aragorn.

"XD Yeah, bet you feel stupid!" Katie said, grinning and winking. Aragorn blushed, and Katie and Megan laughed.

"Legolas, you can stop hiding now!" Sami barked.

"Oh, right," Legolas said, standing up. Renee stood up, fuming, and Sami stuck her tongue out again.


	4. Four

Invading the Fellowship

Part Four

"Soooooo…" Megan said, being the intelligent person she was.

"Hey. Where are Merry and Pippin?" Renee asked.

"Er…"

"PIPPIN! NOOOO!" Katie cried.

"HEY! Pippin's _my_ hobbit, remember?" Renee protested.

"Yay!" Sami said happily. "Then Legolas is mine!"

"I can have an Elf and a hobbit."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"I can too."

"Can't."

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Meanwhile, Katie and Megan were teaching the rest of the Fellowship how to play five-card draw.

"All right," Katie said. "I bet my surfboard."

"Er…well…I call your bet, and I raise you to…two carrots," Merry said.

"NO, MERRY, NOT THE CARROTS!" Pippin pleaded.

"Hey! Pippin's back!" Sami noted.

"So…what were we arguing about again?" Renee asked.

Sami shrugged. "Dunno. Can't remember. Oh well. Hey!" she yelled to Aragorn. "Deal me in!"

The Fellowship continued to play poker for a few hours, everyone losing to Gandalf, who now had a surfboard, two carrots, strawberry-, peach-, and pear-scented soap, a copy of _Voces Y Vistas_, a Chapstick, a few pictures of Sean Biggerstaff, two packs of Juicy Fruit, Gimli's helmet, and a TI-83 Graphing Calculator.

"I quit!" Katie yelled, throwing down her cards. "Should have known better than to play with a wizard! You stacked the deck!"

"I what?" Gandalf asked, obviously lost.

"Rigged it," Megan explained. "Set it up so you always win."

"Oh. That's what you call it? I mean, did not!" Gandalf argued.

"Did too!" Katie shot back.

"Did not!"

"Here we go again," Merry said, rolling his eyes.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Oh, shut up, you yag!" Sami shrieked. Renee burst into giggles, but everyone else was staring at them with expressions of confusion on their faces. Apparently, only Sami and Renee were in on this joke.

"Ooookay," Boromir said. "All right. Yes."

"I can't believe I bet my calculator," grumbled Renee. "When we get back, my mom's gonna kill me."

"How about _if_ we go back?" Sami suggested. "I like that better. See, _if_ we go back, I have to buy a new Spanish book."

Megan laughed. "If we go back, I have to print out some more pics of Sean Biggerstaff."

Well, since everyone was sick of Gandalf rigging the poker deck, Renee and Sami taught everyone how to play Egyptian Rats. After a few rounds of that, with Renee kicking everyone's butts, Gandalf stood up.

"All right, everyone," he said, stretching. "Ready to move on?"

"Huh?" Katie asked. She was leaning back against Haldir.

"I said we'd rest until dusk, didn't I? Time to go," he replied.

"No thank you," Megan said politely. "I think we'll stay."

Lightning flashed, thunder sounded, and Gandalf seemed to double in size, standing up straight and looking very angry/evil.

"Okay, okay!" Renee said. "Coming…yeah, all right…we're ready."

"Scared of pointy hat?" Sami whispered in her ear. They both dissolved, yet again, into laughter.

"Hey, I get it!" Katie exclaimed suddenly.

"Get what?" Megan asked.

"Yag! It's 'gay' spelled backward!"

"Just a _tiny_ bit slow on the uptake, eh, Katie?"

"No…" Katie grumbled, rather embarrassed. She looked up at the mountain, then grinned.

"I'm afraid to ask what she's planning," Sami muttered to Renee and Megan.

"STOP!" Legolas shrieked, shoving Katie off the path. Sami and Renee looked at each other. Sami grabbed the bat, Renee got the Sam, and they all disappeared behind a tree.

"Ack! Go away!" Katie shoved Legolas away form her.

"Shhh…" he cautioned, pointing to the road. In the middle of it stood the most horrifying creature ever known to walk. The horses of the group ran away. The most hideous, foul, ugly, look-of-death beast opened its mouth, yawned, and out came the most frightening noise anyone every heard.

"Pi-ka-chu!" it chirped.

"What the—?" Megan began, but Aragorn clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Shhh…wait 'til it passes…" he hissed. The Pikachu sniffed the air, then continued down the road. Once it passed, everyone got back onto the road.

"We could have killed it." Pippin folded his arms.

"It _is_ an endangered species," Merry pointed out.

"But it scared away our horses!"

After some more hiking, griping, complaining, and screaming, the Fellowship finally made it onto the snowy mountain.

"Legolas, the snow's too deep!" Sami said, turning to him. "Since you're such a _strong_ elf, could you carry me?"

"Sure." He picked her up.

"Oh great," Sam muttered, trying to run away. Renee caught up with him and took him behind another rock.

"There's too much snow!" Megan said, then she jumped onto Boromir's back. "Forward! Harch!"

"Fine…" Boromir said, trudging along up the mountain.

"AHHHH!" Frodo cried out as he tumbled down the mountain, crashing into everyone along the way. They all lay in a heap at the bottom again.

"OW!" Legolas sat up, shaking his head. "What's that?" he asked. He took of his pack, as it was moving.

"Hey, did you steal my flying cuckoo?" Katie grabbed Legolas's pack.

"No, Merry took the chicken." Megan pointed to Merry, who was flying around on a chicken.

"But they can't fly," Renee said.

"This one can, apparently," Sami replied.

Katie ripped open Legolas's bag, and out popped…

"Smeagol! Preciousssss…" Gollum blinked.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" everyone except Katie screamed. They all ran to hide behind a rock, except Haldir, who stood next to Katie.

"^_^ Aw, it's so cute!" Katie hugged Gollum. "Here," she said, handing him to Haldir. He put Gollum on his left shoulder, and picked up Katie and put her on his right shoulder. They began walking down the road. Everyone else slowly peeked out from behind the rock.

"Er…" Megan said. "Yeah. Whatever floats your boat, Katie."

The rest of the Fellowship edged further away from Katie, Haldir, and Gollum.

"Here." Renee took out a box of fishsticks and tossed one to Gollum.

"My preciousssssss…" Gollum hissed, caressing it.

Meanwhile, Legolas was busy prancing around on top of the snow.

"Stupid Elfy-git," Megan muttered under her breath. She grabbed Gandalf's staff, making the old guy fall on the ground, and poked it into the snow.

Suddenly, a big hole opened up, spitting out the Gryffindor Quidditch team, complete with broomsticks.

"Hey, Gandalf's staff creates plotholes," Sami commented. "Who knew?"

"OLIVER!" Renee exclaimed, trying to grab the Keeper. Unfortunately for her, Megan was already tightly latched onto him.

"Harry!" Sami cried, just because no one else had yet.

"Who?!?" Merry asked.

"Never mind," Sami said.

Renee and Megan were still arguing over Oliver.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"MINE! You have Legolas remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Renee retreated, hopping onto the Elf's back.

In the meantime, Sami knocked out one of the Weasleys and stole his broomstick. "Mwahahaha! I don't have to walk anymore!"

"Will you steal me a broomstick, Sam?" Frodo asked. "Don't worry, Mr. Frodo, I'll carry you up the mountain!"

At that point, Megan whispered a broomstick joke that involved Sam and Frodo, then burst into giggles as Katie, Sami, and Renee exclaimed, "Eeeeeeeeeew!"

"I want a broomstick," Merry told Pippin.

Megan snickered. "Broomstick…hehe…"

Katie took out the Rod of Seasons and bashed Megan over the head with it. Out of the blue, the snow melted and flowers appeared everywhere. Legolas tripped, no longer having two feet of snow to prance about on. Pippin and Merry "borrowed" another broomstick from the Quidditch players.

Katie blinked. "Huh. It's never done _that_ before."

"Does that mean I can't use it to beat Sam anymore?" Sami asked.

"Well…I dunno. Any extra weapons against Sam are definitely useful…"

"Well, let's just see," Sami said, grabbing the Rod and giving Sam a whack on the head. The sun shone brighter and birds chirped. She hit him again, and autumn leaves scattered the ground. Everyone looked around, confused.

"Ah, what the hell," Sami said, taking one more swing. The snow was back. Everyone looked at her, somewhat afraid.

"Well," Renee spoke up, who was sprawled on the ground from when Legolas had tripped the first time, "that was something you don't see everyday."

"Cool," Megan commented, mounting Katie Bell's broomstick and kicking off into the air. "Whee!"

"So," Gimli grunted, "can we go through the Mines of Moria now?

"Ooh! Let the Ringbearer decide!" Katie squealed. "Just had to say that."

"Er…" Frodo looked at the hobbits who were swapping vegetables, at the Elves who just stood there and looked pretty, at the Dwarf who was mouthing "Moria! Moria!" at the humans who stared at each other, at the high-schoolers who were flying around on the broomsticks, and at the Quidditch team who still looked extremely lost and had _no_ idea why they were there. "Well…I suppose…the Mines…"

"HA!" Gimli exclaimed.

So Aragorn, Boromir, Gandalf, Gimli, Gollum, Haldir, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Sami, Katie G., Megan, Renee, Katie B., Angelina, Alicia, Fred, George, Oliver, and Harry all traipsed down the mountain on their way to Moria.

"Er," Alicia cleared her throat. "Where exactly are we?"

"Leaving Caradhras," Aragorn explained. "Going to go through the Mines of Moria now."

"Oh…"

Renee, sensing they still had no idea, spoke up. "We're in _The Lord of the Rings_," she told them. "Um. It's a book. And…um…well…" she looked at the other girls for help.

"See," Sami began, having a go at it, "you're not exactly…" She trailed off.

"Real," Megan supplied. "See, well…you're all characters…from books in 'our world.'"

"Yeah," Katie added. "Well, sort of. You're _here_, and stuff, and you're _people_, but…where we're really from, you're just figments of imagination."

The rest of the Fellowship/Quidditch team stared blankly.

"Um…never mind."

"Imagine what it would be like to hear that though," Sami whispered. "Creepy. Oh well…"

The four girls turned and started walking again. Gimli rushed up to the front to lead the very extended Fellowship to Moria.


	5. Five

Invading the Fellowship

Part Five

They were still walking when Sami slipped on a patch of ice. She skidded forward and fell into Gandalf. He tripped, and his staff poked in the snow again.

"EEKS!" Renee shrieked. "Another plothole!!"

The hole widened. All of the sudden, it began to draw the characters of _Harry Potter_ back. Into the hole fell Alicia, Angelina, Katie B., Fred, George, Harry, and—

"Oliver! Nooo!" Megan shouted. She pulled him back. The plothole spit something out, then closed. "Phew." Megan breathed a sigh of relief. She hugged Oliver. "Yay! You're still here!" Oliver looked just the slightest bit weirded out.

"Hey! Who's that?" Pippin mused. Everyone looked to the person that the plothole had spit out before it closed.

"EWAN!!!!!!!" Sami screamed, leaping up and attaching herself around his neck.

"Er, hello," he said. "Where—"

"It's better not to ask where you are," Katie cautioned. "Just follow us."

"Oh…all right." He tried to walk down the mountain, which was somewhat difficult, owing to the fact that Sami was still dangling from his neck.

"All you need is loooove…" she sang. 

"Love is just a game," Megan added. "Hey! Let's have a karaoke party!"

"Come what may…" Sami just amused herself by singing songs into Ewan's shoulder.

"Yay! Legolas is all mine now!" Renee squealed.

"For now," Sami muttered, shooting her a glance.

Legolas sighed. "I'm just too pretty."

"Too right you are!" Sami said. "But Ewan's pretty too. Eee!" She buried her face in him, grinning.

Gimli was trudging along at the front. "Be there soon," he muttered.

"Boromir," Megan said, "you're fired as my bodyguard. Oliver's my new one!"

"_Him_? Take the place of _me_?" Boromir was going to have a fit.

"Oh, shush up," Katie told him.

Megan sighed. "Oh, Oliver…" Oliver looked around for help, but didn't see any. Megan scrambled onto his back. "Let's go!"

***

"Dude! Look at that!" #4 whispered to #5.

"What is it?" #2 asked cautiously, looking at it. None of the wraiths seemed to want to approach it. There was a big yellowness caught in their Hobbit Trapper 2000.

"Who cares? Bring it home to Saruman as dinner." #7 picked it up.

"Ya think it's one of thems endangered critters?" Larry drawled.

"Er…yeah." #3 blinked. "Whatever, Larry."

"I wanna feed that there yonder to them Powerpuff Girls."

"…The what?" #8 looked confused.

"Oh, forget him," #1 hissed. "Let's get back to Saruman."

***

"Wait a minute…" Katie looked around. Megan and Renee were chasing Oliver around while Sami was still on Ewan's back.

"And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide…" she was _still_ singing.

"What?" Megan asked Katie, since Oliver had jumped on his broomstick and was flying above them. Renee had cleverly tied a rope to his broom, and was somehow flying about on the rope.

"We're out of clean clothes!" Legolas suddenly screeched. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"…Yeah…" Renee blinked.

"^o^ I had to tie my shoe!" Katie stood up. "Laundry? I can take care of that."

"But you hate doing laundry, Katie-sama," Haldir said in his samurai voice.

"I know. I can kill…lots of birds! With one stone, too!" Katie beamed.

"And a stitch in time saves a penny earned," Sami added in a whisper.

"Poor birds…" Boromir dabbed his eye with a tissue. Everyone stepped away from him.

"EGG ROLL!" Katie yelled, waving Gandalf's staff around. Renee burst out laughing. Once again, the infamous plothole appeared. Katie stuck her hand in, reached around, then pulled Link out.

"Hey!" Legolas scowled. Link glared back.

"Yay! ^o^ Link!!" Katie exclaimed.

"Ooh!" Megan, Renee, and Sami ran over to see.

"Who's that _now_?" Merry asked Pippin. Pippin shrugged in reply.

Legolas began to turn red…his eyes were even changing…Sami turned around to look. "Uh-oh…" she muttered. She ran over to hide behind Ewan, just in case Legolas blew up. She didn't want his pretty-Elfy hair all over her.

But instead of a KABOOM!!, she heard sobbing.

"Why do they like him better than meeeeeeee?" he wailed.

"Aw…s'okay, Legolas!" Sami went over to pat him on the shoulder. Renee shot a menacing Look. So did Ewan. "Um…yeah." She retreated.

"Prissy Elf," Link taunted.

Legolas stood. "What was that?" he asked, drawing his bow and arrow and aiming it at Link.

"NO! YOU CAN'T SHOOT LINK!" Legolas had earned himself a swift kick in the yeeps, courtesy of Katie.

"Eee…" Legolas squeaked, about five octaves higher than normal.

Megan pouted. "No fair! Nobody in this story is allowed to sing higher than me!"

"HAHA!" Link laughed, then had a bag chucked at him. "Ow…what's this?"

"^o^ Laundry!" Katie pointed to a nearby stream. "Go wash the clothes."

"¬.¬ Is that why you brought me here?" Link grumbled.

"HAHA!" Legolas pointed at Link and laughed back. "You have to wash clothes!"

"…Why are you wearing nail polish?" Link blinked. Legolas jerked his hand back, hiding his perfectly manicured nails.

"Argh…stupid Elves…" Gimli grunted.

"I AM NOT WASHING HIS CLOTHES!" Link shrieked, Legolas laughing again. "Shut up!" Link pulled out his crappy sword and shield.

"Hey! You can't do that to him!" Renee gave Link the same treatment Katie had given Legolas. Link flew back about fifty feet before landing in the mud."

"x.x…um…ouch…"

"I'm going to be smart and stay out of this," Oliver said.

"Me too," Ewan agreed.

"When are we going to Moria?" Frodo asked.

"Uh…right now!" Boromir stood up.

"Where's Moria at?" Merry looked at Pippin. Pippin shrugged and shook his head.

***

"Hey guys, I have a plan," #6 spoke up. The rest of the wraiths looked over from their lawn chairs at him. "Let's start a band and play at Lothlórien. It'll distract everybody, and we can catch the hobbit-dweeb."

"Can I play guitar?" #4 asked.

"Only if I can sing." #3 adjusted his shades. "I sing the best."

"No, I sing da best," Larry grumbled. "You'uns can't sing fer beans."

"Dude, he's cramping my style," #1 sighed. "Let's fire him and hire someone else."

"I ain't got time fer you." Larry walked off. "I'm gonna go find me thems Powerpuff girls."

"Er…yeah…" #2 blinked. "#8, get Raziel on the phone. See if he can join us."

***

"EEEEEGGGG ROOOOLLLLLLL!" Gandalf bellowed at the door. Gimli sat grumbling while Link and Legolas were fighting about something stupid. Aragorn was preaching to Boromir, who was sitting in a recliner, watching ESPN and drinking beer. Oliver was flying around. Sam was chasing Katie while Haldir chased Sam, and everyone else sat there, bored.

"I'm bored," Sami whined, leaning back.

"Me too," Renee looked around. "Anybody have any ideas?"

"…Nope." Megan shrugged. Oliver finally landed, a big mistake. In seconds, Megan was attached to him again.

"What's he doing?" Ewan pointed to Gandalf.

"Screaming about Chinese food," Renee snickered.

"Yanno what," Merry said suddenly. "When I get back to the Shire, I'm going to start a talk show called 'Merry Brandybuck' to help people solve their problems for entertainment."

"They can be your first guests." Pippin pointed to Link and Legolas, who were busy hitting each other with sticks.

"Add some violence!!" Gollum blurted out. Megan looked at him.

"Go find your fishstick."

"She's gone!" Gollum cried, pointing to the water. By now, Gandalf had grown angry and started flipping through his keys for a key.

"Argh, speak friend and enter." Gimli grumbled.

"It doesn't work," Legolas said.

"Well, no duh," Link muttered. Legolas glared at him.

"…Oh yeah!" Gandalf pulled out a garage-door-opener and hit the button. Magically, the door opened. "Hmm. Forgot about this."

"Lemme try that." Katie grabbed the garage-door-opener and clicked the button a few times, opening and closing the door. "Hehe…funfun…" She accidentally dropped the garage-door-opener, breaking it.

"HEY!" Gandalf exclaimed. "That was my magic clicky thing! It's the only one in all of Middle-Earth!"

Katie pulled another one out of her backpack. "Here ya go. Always keep a spare. Batteries aren't included though."

Gandalf, who really had no idea what a garage-door-opener was anyway, managed to summon up a pack of AA batteries.

"OoOoOo!" The girls all dove for the batteries, but, somehow, Legolas wound up with them."

"Now I can use my portable hairdryer!" he said happily.

"No fair." Katie pouted. "I wanna play my GameBoy Advance."

"And I wanted to listen to CDs," Sami whined. "Oh, well, Ewan, sing to me!"

Megan and Renee didn't say anything, as they were busy fighting over Oliver. Again.

"My Oliver!"

"Mine!"

"I saw him first!"

"He fell out of _my_ plothole!"

"Are they ever going to stop?" Boromir asked, putting his hands over his ears.

"Nope, wouldn't count on it," Sami told him.

"I know!" Katie took another remote out of her bag, pointed it at Megan and Renee, and hit the "mute" button.

Renee stood there stupidly. Megan blinked, then clutched her throat. She began flailing her arms and running around in circles. Renee just blinked.

"Thank you! Oh, thank you!" Oliver shouted gleefully, kissing Katie's feet.

"Yuck," Katie said, stepping away. She tossed the Sam-bat to Renee and Megan.

"WAIT! I'VE GOT IT!" Frodo cried.

"Yeah, too bad there's no cure," Sami commented.

"What?" Ewan asked.

"Never mind."

"Ahem." Frodo cleared his throat, continuing, "What's the Elvish word for friend?"

"How the hell would we know?" Sami asked. "Although, I _know_ I just read it…hmm…"

Renee mouthed something, but no one was paying attention to her, or to Megan, who was still running around in crazed circles.

"I know," Gandalf said. "It is 'mellon.'"

At that, the doors opened.

"Wowwwwww…" Katie and Sami said, and Renee mouthed.

"Oh yeah, I did it! Go me!" Frodo cheered himself, while dancing on a rock.

Katie hit him with the Rod of Seasons.

"Oww!" he grumbled.

Merry and Pippin didn't see anything, as they were throwing stones in the water, seeing how many times they would skip.

"HA! I got three!" Merry cried.

"Well, I got three and a half!" Pippin replied.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Katie, mute!" Boromir cried, covering his ears again.

She aimed at Merry and Pippin and hit the "mute" button again.  They shut up and just mouthed wordlessly. But now Renee and Megan could speak again.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Megan was still screaming and running.

"Well, that was fun," Renee said.

"MEGAN, SHUT UP!" Sami shrieked.

She stopped. "Eehee, I can talk now…XD," she said, grinning.

"Good lord," Renee said.

"What?"

"Link and Legolas are going at it…again…" She pointed to the two bickering pointy-eared people. All this noise caused a rumble in the water.

"Katie-sama," Haldir said, drawing his sword, "there is something in the water."

"Huh?" Katie turned around. "Hey pretty boys! SHUT UP!" she called, behind her. Link and Legolas shut up. OoOo A miracle!

"Is the water burning?" Link asked, looking at the lake.

"Yeah, so quit looking at it," Katie mumbled.

"Not funny!" Link stuck his tongue out at her.

"Haha!" Legolas laughed.

"Shut up!" Gandalf hit them both on the head with his staff.

All of the sudden, a huge monster leapt out of the water, shooting out monstrous tentacles and capturing the guys, except Haldir and Gollum.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" The hobbits screamed.

"Hey!" Megan screamed. "THAT'S MY OLIVER!"

"_YOUR_ OLIVER??" Renee shouted.

"T.T NO ONE LOVES ME ANYMORE!" Legolas cried from the monster's grasp.

"I LOVE YOU, LEGOLAS!" Sami called up. "BUT I LOVE YOU TOO, EWAN!!"

Finally, the monster's head appeared. It was none other than…

"Ursula?" The four girls blinked.

"Hahaha! I'll take all these cute guys!…'Cept this one." She threw Sam across the river.

"Help! I can't swim!" he cried. No one listened.

"That is _the_ ugliest thing I've ever seen!" Legolas shrieked.

"May not be the most intelligent thing to say while you're in her tentacles…" Renee muttered.

"Ha! Ugly! You look in a mirror lately?" Link snickered.

"Hey!" Legolas started crying.

"Wuss…" Link grumbled.

"Um…anyone gotta plan?" Sami asked. Before anyone could do or say anything, Gollum pulled out an M-16 and shot Ursula.

"Owwww!" she cried, dropping everyone and going back into the water.

"EEEP!" Legolas landed on the ground. "I broke my leg!"

"Aww…I broke a carrot," Merry held up the busted vegetable.

Aragorn walked over to Legolas and placed his hand on his leg. "Go and be healed, my child." Aragorn said. Like magic, and instant soup, Legolas's leg was healed.

"Thanks…" Legolas walked away.

"Hey, why didn't you do that for me?" Renee asked Aragorn.

"Er…" Aragorn trailed off.

"Well, if he _had_, then Legolas wouldn't have carried you," Sami glowered. Her eyes narrowed at the memory.

"Oh yeah! ^^" Renee leaped onto Legolas's back. "Okay, into the Mines we go!"


	6. Six

Invading the Fellowship

Part Six

"Okay," Gandalf said, leading them into the cave.

"Do I even wanna _know_ what I'm stepping in?" Sami made a face.

"Water." Megan pointed. "No…wait…"

"x.x EW!" Sami leapt onto Ewan's back, nearly knocking him over. Gimli was crying for some reason about dead people.

"Oh, woe is me!" he sobbed into Boromir's shoulder.

"O.o…they're starting to creep me out," Megan whispered to Oliver.

"Yeah, I know," he whispered back.

"We will be traveling through Moria for about four days," Gandalf spoke.

"Then I shall fast for forty days and forty nights." Aragorn looked up toward the ceiling.

"He said FOUR, not FORTY!" Renee hollered at him.

"Oh." He blinked. So further on into Moria they went. After some complaining from Pippin and fights from the Elves, they finally made it to the three tunnels.

"Hmm…" Gandalf sat down. "I will find us the way." Then he fell asleep.

"Haldir, where's Gollum?" Katie asked.

"He's sneaking around," Sam grumbled.

"Be nice!" Katie glared at him. Sam pulled out his pitchfork, and Katie hid behind Haldir. Haldir picked up Sam and dragged him behind a rock.

"Haha…go fish, Pippin," Merry said, as he, Pippin, Link, and Legolas were playing with the cards again. The others were playing "tag" on broomsticks.

"Aw, crap," Pippin grumbled.

***

            "Guys, this is Raziel," #2 introduced. "He'll be one of us now."

            "Great," #8 said. "You like surfing?"

            "Somewhat," Raziel somehow said. "Don't you do anything else?"

            "Uh…" #5 thought. "We surf 'n' look pretty."

            "What about catching that hobbit?"

            "Oh yeah, that too," #4 remembered. "We gotta go to Lothlórien then."

***

            "We've been here for three days and three nights," Megan growled. "I wanna get _outt__a here!"_

            "I'm trying to find the way," Gandalf said, then fell asleep again.

            "I'm sick of this cave," Katie grumbled. "Egg roll!" She snapped her fingers and the plothole appeared.

            "Nifty," Sami commented. Katie reached in, then pulled out a little blonde kid dressed in some sort of mage clothing with a hair sticking up in the back.

            Renee sighed. "By the end of this there'll be more people than we know what to do with!"

            "Guys, this is Ivan! ^o^" Katie introduced, patting the boy on the back. "He'll be a great help."

            "What does he do?" Oliver questioned.

            "Watch." Katie turned to Ivan. "Can you do us a favor and find out which tunnel we should go through?"

            "Sure." Ivan looked carefully at all of the tunnels. "That one." He gestured to one on the right.

            "It's that one!" Gandalf cried, springing awake. He was pointing to the same one Ivan was.

            "Ahem…bit late, there," Megan told him.

            "Will someone please get this…thing off me?" Ewan tugged at Gollum, who was perched on his head, gnawing at something, probably a fishstick.

            "C'mere, Gollum," Katie called. It jumped off Ewan's head and into scuttled into Haldir's backpack. "Where'd you run off to?"

            "Was sneakin.' " Gollum stuck his tongue out at Sam. Sam pulled out his pitchfork, but Gollum pulled out a shotgun. Sam freaked out and ran behind Frodo.

            "Where is he getting all of these weapons?" Sami asked, once again on Ewan's back.

            "Probably a plothole," Pippin suggested.

            "Scary," Renee remarked. "They're using our terminology."

            "Come," Haldir called to them. "We must venture into the tunnel. Don't be left behind."

            "We're coming," Ewan sighed, following the rest with Sami still on his back.

"Hey, Legolas, look!" Link pointed. "A bug!"

"EEEEEEEEE!" Legolas shrieked, leaping onto Renee's back. "T.T Get it away!"

"Chill! It's just a _bug." Renee pushed him off. "It won't kill you."_

Legolas pouted, jutting out his lower lip. "It might," he whimpered. He jumped back onto her back again. "Just carry me the rest of the way!"

"Aragorn, you mended his leg. Is there a cure you give for sissyness?" Megan asked, watching Legolas scream childishly as Link dangled an insect in front of him.

"Hmmm…" Aragorn placed a hand on Legolas's shoulder and preached, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. He who believes in _me shall not perish, but have eternal life…"_

"I'M AN _ELF! THEREFORE, I ALREADY LIVE FOREVER. I AM __IMMORTAL!" he hollered at the top of his lungs, still clinging on Renee's back._

"Oh, right," Aragorn backed away rubbing his head. "In that case, I don't think there's a cure." He turned around and walked away.

"Link, put the bug down before I kick you!" Renee shouted. "In the same place as before," she added. She walked past, still carrying Legolas.

"Okay," Link tossed the bug behind him. It landed in Gimli's beard. No one seemed to notice this.

"Welcome to the Halls of Moria! Gandalf announced.

"Er…lovely." Oliver looked around. He didn't see anything except pillars everywhere.

"We'll camp out over there." Gandalf pointed to a room. The overly large Fellowship walked into the room, where a big white thing lay in the middle.

"No! My cousin!" Gimli cried into Boromir's shoulder. Boromir put a comforting hand on Gimli's back.

"Blergh," Sami said. "Disturbing." Gandalf picked up a book and started reading.

"Katie, wake up." Merry poked her with a stick. "Boring part's over."

"Oh, yeah." She stood up. "Hey, what's this?" She looked at a dead thing next to a well.

"Don't touch it!" Ivan warned, but, too late, Katie already knocked it down the well.

"Oops." A bunch of loud noises followed. The Fellowship all looked at her, but she pointed to Pippin, who was standing nearby. "He did it!" she claimed. She picked up Ivan and ran to hide behind Haldir.

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf scowled at Pippin. "Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance." Pippin grumbled once Gandalf turned his back.

"What's that noise?" Oliver looked at the door. "I hear drums."

"The drums of the orcs!" Renee shrieked, running to Legolas.

"Do not worry," he assured her. "I will protect you."

"Acting a little more manly now, eh?" Link smirked.

"Oh, shut up…" Legolas muttered, glaring.

"Come! We must protect Mr. Frodo!" Sam called to the other hobbits. Sam, Merry, and Pippin all ran in front of Frodo, doing Charlie's Angels poses. Suddenly, they were also wearing Charlie's Angels' outfits.

"Woooo! Leather!" Megan called. "Hmm…where's Draco?" She floated off momentarily to dream about Draco in leather.

"Don't I look cute?" Pippin batted his eyelashes.

"Oh, shut up!" Merry smacked him.

"I was acting!"

"What the—?" Ewan was now holding a gun.

"Sweet." Oliver adjusted his shades. "I don't know what's up with these dark clothes and glasses, but I'm down with it!"

"Here they come," Haldir said, drawing his samurai sword.

"What do we do?" Renee wondered aloud.

"We fight too!" Katie answered. "You do martial arts, Sami does magic, and Megan can do Pokémon!"

"Why do _I gotta do Pokémon? Megan grumbled._

"Um…I dunno," Katie replied. "Hit somebody with a broomstick then."

"ROOOOOOOOOOAR!" The orcs burst through the door.

"Let the games begin!" Aragorn got onto a cloud and floated to a safe place. "I am sorry, I cannot fight."

"Aw, for crying out loud!" Megan threw a couple of Pokéballs out toward the orcs. Out popped a Charizard and a Blastoise. They started eating orcs left and right. "Hey, maybe this Pokémon thing isn't so bad."

"Vulcan!" Sami commanded, pointing her hand at some orcs. A column of lava shot out of the ground, frying some even more than usual.

"Hi-yah!" Renee kicked a few orcs across the room. "Take _that!" A few more went flying. Haldir was dashing through the orcs at high speed, leaving a trail of dead ones behind._

"Let's get them!" the three Frodo's Hobbits shouted. They ran two feet, and stopped to catch their breath.

"Too…far…to…run…" Merry panted.

"Need…water…" Sam gasped for air.

"I killed more orcs than you!" Legolas bragged to Link. He stuck out his tongue.

"No you didn't!" Link argued.

"Yes I did!" The two Elves started quarreling again. Not wanting to get involved, the orcs around them backed away.

"There's too many of them!" Megan returned her slightly fatter Pokémon.

"And I'm out of PP!" Sami couldn't cast any more spells.

"PP?" Pippin asked, giggling.

"Shut up, Pippin!" Katie yelled.

"We'll take it from here!" Ewan said, stepping in. He and Oliver ran behind two pillars. Nodding to each other, they ran up the walls and, in slow motion, flipped across the room, shooting orcs as they went.

"Cool," Renee said.

"Now, how did they do that?" Frodo asked.

"Gondor works in mysterious ways, young Frodo," Aragorn called down from his cloud.

"Oliver looks *_so* cute in those dark clothes and shades," Megan sighed._

"So does Ewan!" Sami added.

Everyone stepped back as the orcs' bodies began to pile higher.

"EEEEEE!" Sami screamed, as four orcs began to close in on her.

"Here!" Ewan called, reaching into his pocket and dropping something small and black down to her. "From the Obi-Wan days!"

She pushed the button on it. *WHOOSH* "Hey, a light saber! SWEET!" She closed her eyes and swung around in a circle, slicing the orcs in half. "Now _that is what you call nifty-spiff!"_

"Hey, you guys, isn't something missing?" Renee asked.

"Where's the troll?" Katie looked around. "Don't we have to fight it and kill it?"

"Oh…this isn't cool…no…oh, no…not cool at all…" Megan's voice came from the corner. Everyone turned around to see the cave troll advancing on her. "Um…you guys…? **_HELP_**!!"

Oliver leapt onto his broomstick and flew to pick up Megan. As soon as she was safe on the broom, Oliver proceeded to pull out a machine gun and unleash hell on the troll.

There was a very loud noise indeed as the troll hit the floor.

Renee cleared her throat. "I guess this cues the part where we run to the bridge of Khazad-Dûm."

"Running! I'm running!" Legolas said, dashing along.

"Er…'kay," Sami said.

They were all running toward the Bridge when they heard it—more drum beats and other annoyingly loud raucous noises.

"Lemme guess. That's the Balrog," Megan said.

"Ai! A Balrog!" Legolas shrieked. Link snickered at him. Legolas just scowled at him.

"Go!" Gandalf yelled. "Fly! Across the Bridge!" Sami and Renee stopped short. "What are you waiting for?" he demanded.

"Well…if you go on ahead before us…" Sami began.

"We probably shouldn't change that outcome!" Megan called from up ahead. "What about the book?"

"Look around!" Renee said, gesturing to Link, Haldir, Gollum, Oliver, and Ewan.

"Um, yeah." Katie looked at them. "Just come on, you guys!"

Sami and Renee ran ahead as the Balrog approached.

"Run! Run!!"

The Balrog had reached the Bridge. It stopped and looked straight ahead. Gandalf stood up and raised his staff up high.

"Here it comes," Katie muttered.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS! GO BACK TO THE SHADOW! YOU _CANNOT PASS!"_

"Urgh," Gimli commented.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

"Bounce!" Renee whispered, then involuntarily burst into giggles. Frodo sent her a Death Stare. "Sorry!!" she hissed.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

"Talk about redundancy," Sami mumbled under her breath.

At that moment, Gandalf brought his staff down on the Bridge, and it crumbled beneath his feet. The Balrog fell down into the abyss.

"YAY!" All of the hobbits cheered.

"Damn, beat me to it," Aragorn muttered as the heroic music played in the background.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Megan stated. Everyone stared at her.

"Party pooper," Pippin complained.

"Oh, yeah, I remember! The whip comes up and pulls Gandalf down!" Renee exclaimed proudly.

Just then, the whip did come up and snatched Gandalf. He held to the cliff tightly.

"Fly, you fools!" Gandalf cried, then let go and fell down into the shadows.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—*gasp*—OOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GANDALF!" Frodo cried and tried to run after him. Aragorn grabbed him and ran away.

"YEOW!" Link exclaimed, pulling out a bow and shooting a few orcs.

"COME ON!" Sami screamed, pulling him away.

They exited Moria, Ewan and Oliver shooting some orcs—Matrix style—along the way. Legolas and Link shot their bows, and Megan chucked some Pokémon at them. They finally made it onto the grass outside before Frodo stopped to cry. Sam took his pitchfork out again, but Haldir kicked his arse.

"Ow, ow!" Link cried.

"Wuss," Legolas retorted.

"Boy, don't make me—" They both had their bows out by then, aimed at each other's throats.

The Fellowship was breaking apart, a bit earlier than what was supposed to happen. With the hobbits sobbing tragically over Gandalf, Link and Legolas trying to kill each other, and the four high-school girls watching grown men cry, there was nothing to be done.

"You guys! YOU GUYS!" Renee yelled for everyone's attention. They looked up. "Okay, listen. Gandalf is gone now. But he comes back. In the second book—er—after the Fellowship breaks—no, wait. Crap. Well, he comes back, okay?"

"Well, that got us, er, let's see, nowhere…" Sami said.

"Hey, they stopped crying.

"Well…" Katie said. She pointed at Link, who was still bawling like a baby. But for some odd reason, he was clutching his butt.

Legolas rolled on the ground with laughter, crying with mirth. "He…*hiccup*…got sh-shot in the—*giggle*—with an arrow…hehehe…in his _butt! HAHAHAHA!"_

"Oh, for once, shut up Legolas!" Megan snapped irritably.

Legolas pouted. "Fine. But now we're going to go to Lothlórien then."


	7. Seven

Invading the Fellowship

Part Seven

"Whatever," Katie said. "Link, can you walk?"

"I just got shot in the _ass with an arrow, and you're asking if I can freaking __walk?!" Link screamed._

Legolas giggled, which earned him a firm elbow in the stomach from Katie.

"Mr. Frodo, where's Mr. Frodo?" Sam pined.

"He's crying over there." Renee pointed to some rocks.

All of the sudden, Merry and Pippin howled out, sobbing hysterically.

"What is it?" Sami exclaimed. "Who _died? Well, I mean, besides Gandalf."_

"That's it! Gandalf had all of our vegetables!" Pippin wailed.

Renee and Sami looked at each other and began to giggle.

"Aww…your carrots?" Renee asked with mock sympathy. "S'okay Pippin, we'll find more…" His face looked more hopeful, but Merry went on.

"It's not just…*sniffle*…the carrots!" he whimpered. "It was all of them…the cabbages, the corn…the sprouts, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, eggplant, cucumbers, squash, radishes, and turnips, too!" He sniffled some more.

"Turnip-ball!" Katie exclaimed.

"It's _pickle-ball, for the __last time…" Renee told her witheringly. "Hey…wow, you remember how we got here?"_

"Yeah, I do…it was all _your fault!" Sami said._

"Hey, would you rather be _here with Ewan, Oliver, Legolas, and Pippin—with his cute little Irish accent—or back __there taking classes with Mr. Livengood and Mr. Hood and—"_

"All right, all right, point well received," Sami muttered back.

"But it _was your fault, Renee," Megan pointed out. "You __were the one who said, 'Let's go into Ms. Borger's office!' "_

"Okay, maybe I did. You didn't have to listen!" Renee replied. "And, besides, _who knocked over that thingy in her office?"_

"Not me!"

"Yes, you!"

"Couldn't be!"

"Then who?"

"Pippin stole the cookies from the cookie jar!" Megan burst into song.

"I did! I admit it!" Pippin said, looking around. "How did you find out?" Everyone looked over at him. "Er…I mean…'who, me?' "

"Where have all the cookies gone?" Sami asked.

"Into Hershey's Cookies and Cream!" Renee replied.

"Wait," Merry said. "I thought they were in Pippin."

"Oh boy…" Katie muttered. "Hey, you guys, it was Mr. FREAKING Brown that brought us here, remember?" The Fellowship stared. "Now, let's go!" she commanded.

"Ay, ay, cap-i-tan!" Renee said, saluting. This earned her a particularly vicious glare from Katie.

"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with orcs," Aragorn explained.

"Yrch!" Sami and Renee said at the same time.

"Very nice," Legolas commented, smiling. Ewan gave him a dirty look.

"Frodo! FRODO!" Aragorn yelled. Frodo stopped walking and looked back. "What? The cute lil' hobbit needs to go sulk now."

"Cute little hobbit needs to get his ASS up here so we can go. I need to get this ARROW removed now…" Link shouted to him. Frodo hurried up, after seeing Link look very evil.

So, finally, after getting everyone and everything together, the Company started forth. They had walked about a hundred feet when Legolas stopped them.

"Lothlórien," he sighed.

"Well, that was fast," Katie said.

"Yeah, we could have been there before if we just looked over the hill" Renee said matter-of-factly.

"Ohhhhhhh…" The Company said together.

So, they walked into the wood, where they were met by a group of Elves.

"Haldir of Lórien," Aragorn said.

"Yeah?" Haldir spoke up from the back of the group.

"Er…" Aragorn trailed off.

"Sorry, I'm his third cousin, twice removed," the Elf in front explained. "But you can, of course, see the resemblance."

"But I'm prettier than them," Legolas grumbled under his breath.

"Ah, Daldir! What a surprise! I haven't seen you for about…a hundred and fifty years!" Haldir said.

"Geez…" Ewan said. "No, that's not a long time at all…"

"Yeah, well, anyway, you're all invited to crash in Lothlórien for a while, but we have to blindfold that chunk of a Dwarf for this," Daldir explained.

"Argh…" Gimli grunted.

"Fine, see if we care." Sami kicked Gimli over towards Daldir.

"WHERE'S IVAN?" Katie suddenly shrieked.

"I'm right here." Ivan piped up from behind Haldir. He appeared. "Hellooooo!"

"T.T Don't run off like that!" Katie swung him around before clutching him in a death-squeezing hug.

"Ack! I'm all right! Let me go!" Ivan somehow managed to break free from her iron grasp. "Ow…"

"Yeah, _he's fine…" Link grumbled. "Can I get rid of this arrow now?"_

"Yeah, yeah, okay, hang on." Katie snapped her fingers. "Egg roll."

"NO! NO MORE PEOPLE!" Renee cried.

"I know." Katie blinked. "But Ivan has to go."

"Yeah. Later guys!" Ivan walked into the plothole and disappeared.

"Such magic…bet Gandalf couldn't do that," Merry said to Pippin.

"Come," Haldir called to the party. "To Lothlórien." He led them into the city. Elves clothed in white either sat silently meditating, or were sparring with each other.

"Hey, cool!" Renee looked around. "More samurai Elves!"

"Hey!" Link screamed again. "FORGET THEM! I'M GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH!"

"These Elven doctors with help you." Daldir returned with two Elf-women. Link perked up.

"Don't even think about it!" Katie shrieked. She grabbed Link by the back of his tunic collar and dragged him towards the living quarters. "Stupid Elf women…"

"Halt!" Aragorn appeared in front of them.

"Um…nice change of clothes," Megan snickered. Aragorn was now dressed in a white robe and had a red sash draped around him too.

"What?" Katie blinked. "I'm gonna be a doctor. I know what I'm doing!"

"Thee is not yet registered and I don't trust thee alone with him."

"PERVERT!" Katie was about to slap him, but Renee held her back.

"Don't hit Jesus!" she reprimanded Katie, shaking her finger at her.

"u.u Okay, fine," Katie sighed. "Haldir, you and Gollum keep watch outside my door."

"Very well," Haldir picked up Gollum and followed Katie.

"Where'd Renee go?" Pippin looked around. "She was here a minute ago."

"She's off training with some Elves," Merry said, who was reading a strangely familiar red notebook. He sniggered. "I don't know what this 'Survivor' thing is, but it's pretty funny! Ha! Legolas got a split end!"

"WHAT?" Legolas screamed, pulling out a compact and preening. "Oh…" he sighed, relieved. "You shouldn't frighten me like that!"

"Hey!" Sami said, grabbing the notebook from Merry. "That's mine!"

"Aw, you're no fun." Merry walked off towards a building, sulking.

"I wonder where they took Gimli," Megan wondered aloud. Suddenly, some odd chanting filled the air. The Fellowship headed over to the edge of the area and looked into the grove below.

"…I baptize you in the name of the Gondor, the name of the Gondor, and…the name of the Gondor" He said, dipping the hobbits into the Mirror of Galadriel.

"¬.¬ Oh, for crying out loud," Oliver groaned. "Will he _ever give it a rest?"_

"Praise Gondor!" Boromir walked over to them, also robed in white. "I now see the light!"

"Shut _up!" Ewan gave him a punch in the face. "No more lights for __you."_

"I'm bored." Legolas folded his arms and sat down in the middle of the floor.

"Legolas, you're getting too whiny." Renee yanked him off the ground. A loud scream seemed to come from the east and echo throughout all of Lothlórien. A bloody arrow landed in front of Legolas and Renee. A great deal of yelling and cursing followed.

"Oh dear…is that blood?" Legolas asked before fainting.

"u.u Legolas, Legolas, Legolas…" Renee sighed, dragging him to the house. Gollum was wearing an oversized army helmet and was pacing around with his machine gun he recaptured from Oliver slung over his shoulder. "Gollum, _what are you doing?"_

"Pacin'!" he replied. He went back to doing so, back and forth, back and forth, in front of the door.

"Um, yeah, okay," Renee said, trying to get past him to get in the door.

Gollum stopped her. "Nope, you can't get in. Ha."

"BLAR!" Sami screamed at the top of her lungs. Everyone looked at her. "I'm just bored," she said, shrugging.

"Er, anyway," Ewan began.

"Yeah," Merry said. "What are we gonna do here?"

"Er…" Megan started, then couldn't think of anything to say. "No clue! ^-^"

Everyone sat in silence for a few moments. Then loud shrieks rang out through Lothlórien.

"MR. FROOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOO!" Sam cried. "Where's Mr. Frodo? MR. FRODO?!?!?"

"Calm down, young Samwise," Aragorn said, touching Sam's shoulder. "He has gone with Elf-queen Galadriel."

Sam's eyes began to glow demon-red again. "SHE TOOK MR. FRODO? WHERE ARE THEY? MR. FRODO???? COME BACK!!!!" He ran around in circles.

"Yeah, anyways, that'll keep him occupied for a bit," Renee said.

Just then, Katie emerged from the house-thingy, followed by a sullen-faced Link.

"I don't know what you're complaining about!" Katie was saying. "It's out, isn't it?"

"But did you have to pull so _hard?" he grumbled._

"Haha! Hahaha!" Legolas laughed, standing up and pointing. Link began laughing sarcastically in a high-pitched voice, mimicking Legolas.

Obviously, Legolas didn't get that the joke was on him. "You laugh like a girl," he said blankly to Link.

"Better than _looking like one!" Link shot back._

"Oh yeah? Oh yeah?" Legolas stood up taller.

"YOU GUYS!" Renee broke up their fight.

"Let's just _sleep for a while, eh?" Sami suggested. "All in favor say 'aye?' "_

"Aye!" Merry, Pippin, Renee, Katie, Megan, Ewan, and Oliver chorused. The rest just stared vacantly.

"Okay, that's a yes, let's go to bed," Megan said, pushing everyone into the house. "Good night."


	8. Eight

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Eight

"Isn't this the way to Lothlórien?" #5 asked #8, gesturing down a path.

"No, it's _this way," #2 argued, pointing in the opposite direction._

"Yer all gots no durn sensa directions," Larry sighed.

#6 looked up. "Hey! I though we got rid of you!"

"Nope!" Larry said brightly. "Them Powerpuff girls was outta town on vacation, so I came back here!"

"Oh boy…" #1 muttered.

"Hey, you guys, we're too many now," #4 said. "Larry, sorry, but we already got you a replacement!"

"Oh, hey, that's okay, I can leave!" Raziel offered. "I have to…er…go do…something. You have Larry back now! Bye!" Before any of the wraiths could stop him, Raziel ran away.

"Damn," #7 grumbled. He glared at Larry. "Now we're stuck with _him again…"_

"Okay, now as I were saying b'fore, Lórien is _this way." Larry walked down a dirt path._

"Well…I guess we don't' have any better ideas," #3 sighed.

The Ringwraiths all shrugged and followed Larry to Lothlórien.

***

Sami was the first on up the next morning. She pulled a notebook out of her backpack. "Hmm…" she muttered to herself, thinking. "What to write in Arwen's account…"

"What?" Pippin asked, waking up.

"Er…nevermind."

Ewan woke up too. "We could be heroes, forever and ever…" he said sleepily.

"Yay!" Sami said. "I got him to sing!" Renee, Megan, and Katie woke up at this.

"Do you have to be such an earlybird?" Renee grumbled.

"What's wrong with being an earlybird!" Megan wondered aloud.

"Too early," Renee responded.

Legolas stood up, looking around. "Has anyone seen my hairbrush? Or my shampoo?"

"Galadriel took it," Merry told him.

"WHAT?! It was bad enough stealing my hairstyle…I'm going to get her this time!" Legolas shrieked. He ran out, looking for his precious hair supplies.

"Heehee!" Merry snickered, pulling the shampoo out of his pack.

"Nice," Renee said, and promptly rolled over back to bed.

"I don't think so!" Sami said, throwing a pillow at her.

"Argh. No," Gimli grumbled.

"Oh, shut up," Katie said to him.

"Leave me alooooone! I want to freaking _sleep!"_

"Ahhh, no ya don't!" Sami coaxed, and pulled the blanket off her.

"Oh, come on! Let me have it back!" Renee whined.

"Nopers," Sami said. "Everyone up! Come on!"

Everyone eventually got up with much grumbling from Renee. They went to the hall to go get some breakfast.

"Argh. Where's the coffee?" Renee yelled.

"I was just going to say that," Gimli replied.

"Were not."

"Was too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Katie, do you still have the remote?" Boromir groaned loudly over the bouts of "not" and "too" ringing in the background.

"Sorry, it's in my backpack back at the house."

Boromir sighed. "Argh," he said in short reply.

"Okay, let's try this," Megan spoke up. "Hey chunky-dwarf-man?" At this Gimli looked up. "Wow that's cool," she commented. "Anyway," she continued, standing up on her chair, "there's an aloof unavailable dwarf princess in the forest!" She pointed.

"WOOHOO!" Gimli said and pranced (if Dwarves prance) over to the forest.

"Gondor! Now where's my damn coffee?" Renee yelled.

"Definitely not a morning person! ^o^" Sami said cheerfully.

"And, Understatement of the Year goes to, drumroll please, brrrrrrrrrrr….SAMI!" Renee said with mock excitement.

Sami turned to reply to this, but was cut off by Legolas walking in.

"Apparently, Galadriel does _not have my shampoo," he shouted. "SO WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT?"_

Everyone, afraid of having bits of blonde Elf stuck on them, wordlessly pointed at Merry.

"Aw, crap," Merry said. "At least I still have Pippin." He looked over at Pippin, who was hiding behind a rock, pointing a finger at Merry. "K, maybe not."

"GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE HALFLING! GIVE ME MY SHAMPOO!" Legolas screamed, chasing after Merry.

"Ahh! AAAAHHH!" Merry took off running.

So, while Gimli frolicked in the forest, trying to find the Dwarf princess, and Legolas chased Merry 'round the room, the rest of the company (ixnay on Gandalf) enjoyed brunch.

"Now, to the Hall for music and dance!" Aragorn announced.

"Yes!" Sami cheered.

"Music…dance…?" Renee stared blankly.

"Yes, now is the time you sing us a song from your homeland," he explained as they all walked into a building that could only be the music hall.

"Um…er…"

"Hey, Katie, Sami, Megan! You all play instruments! You guys can make something up!" Renee said.

"Let's play the WW choir song! Or An American Elegy! Or the Suite in Eb!" Megan said excitedly.

"Yeah, if we had _instruments," Katie said._

"Oh, right," Renee said.

"Oh, but we have instruments!" Haldir said suddenly.

"We do?" Megan asked.

"Well, he was originally from here, you know," Katie replied.

"Ahh, okay."

"We do, though," stated Haldir. "We have the Elvish botwon, a rather Dwarf-looking nosti, and a very big plesarch."

"A what?" Renee asked.

"Er…we have things like flutes, clarinets, and oboes," Sami told him.

Haldir looked puzzled for a moment, then shrugged. "Ah, well you're screwed then," he said cheerfully.

"Thanks for looking on it so brightly," Megan said.

They entered the music hall and took one of the last tables. It was very overcrowded, and Megan didn't have a chair.

"Oliver," she said, "I need a chair."

"Hmph," he replied, getting out his wand. "Accio chair!" he cried. The chair nearest to them dumped out a blonde Elf and flew next to him.

"Sweet!" Renee said. "Can I try?"

"Whatever," he said, handing over his wand.

"Lumos," Renee muttered the first spell that came to her. A bright light sprouted out of the wand.

"Wow," Sami said.

"Never knew I could do that!" Renee said. "Nox."

"Sweeeet!" Sami said, grabbing the wand. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she yelled, pointing at the first person she saw, who happened to be Pippin. He rose a few feet into the air. "Harhar! This rocks!" Sami exclaimed.

"Er…can you put me down?" Pippin asked. "Please?"

At that moment, Sam came rushing over and ran into Sami. She fell over, and Pippin crashed to the ground.

"Owwwwwww…" he complained.

"Sam did it!" Katie said. "Haldir, go teach him another lesson!"

"Gladly!" Haldir replied, taking Sam away and holding a large bat.

"So," Megan said, "I can sing a song!" She started to sing some various All-District song, but was cut off by Legolas prancing into the hall (followed by a rather battered looking Merry).

"I shall perform a song and dance first!" Legolas announced. He cleared his throat and cued the piano. 

"I feel pretty!" he sang, skipping around in circles. "I feel pretty! I feel pretty and witty and—crap, I forgot how the rest of the song goes!"

"At least I had _my song memorized," Megan grumbled._

"And—and—oh, I can't remember!" he said tearfully.

"And gay," Sami filled in helpfully.

"That's it! I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

There was silence in the hall. Then Ewan snorted. That set everyone off.

Link was on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying. "So—true!" he hiccupped, gasping for air. "Hahahahahaha!"

Legolas did his famous pout. "It means _happy_," he tried to explain. But even Renee and Sami were laughing.

"Ooooooops," Katie said with mock sympathy. "Oh well, next! We need more entertainment!"

"Hey, you're the band, right?" one of the security guards asked #5.

"You got that right."

"Okay, go set up on stage." The guard motioned for the group to go in.

"Ladies 'n' gentlemen! Mortals 'n' Immortals 'n' everything in between! Here for you entertainment tonight………THE RINGWRAITHS!" The announcer dude stood up. Raving Elf‑fangirls immediately flocked to the stage and started screaming.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried. "It's the ringwraiths!"

"Aragorn! We need fire! Make a fire!" Frodo began screaming.

"But why?" Aragorn said, looking up from making out with Arwen in the corner.

"The ringwraiths are here!!" Frodo shouted.

"Oh my!" Aragorn replied, letting Arwen slip to the floor.

"Oh yeah, dude I got you ring! Duuuuuude, yeah! Let's go suntanning! Uh-huh, huh, huh!" Ringwraith #1 sang.

"Hey…they're not half-bad," Pippin commented.

"Hey, #3 is kinda cute," Sami said.

"Sami?" Renee said.

"Yeah?"

"No."

"But why?"

"He's half-freaking-dead, that's why!!" Renee yelled at her.

"…And…what's your point?" Sami blinked.

"What about me?" Ewan asked.

"What the—hey!" Renee tugged on a long braid on Ewan's head. "Where'd you get that?"

"Er…I dunno." He shrugged.

"EMERGENCY!" An Elf ran in screaming. "We're out of wine!"

"Nooooooooooo!" Boromir shrieked. He started crying and Gimli had to lead him out of the room.

"Fear not! I will fix that!" Aragorn walked out towards the lake. He mumbled something to the sky, and the lake glowed dark pink. "Behold! I have changed water into wine!"

"Will you stop with the Jesus tricks already?" Megan mumbled.

"They're creeping me out," Sami commented.

"You know what?" Renee asked out of the blue.

"Huh?" Boromir asked, coming back in.

"Legolas sounds a lot like 'legless.' "

"Well…" Ewan said, amazed by her stupidity.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sami was rolling.

"Renee! Thou shall _not make fun of Legolas!" Aragorn bellowed._

"Yeah, _he can't help it that his name sounds funny," Megan told her._

Legolas was turning that odd shade of read again. Link mumbled something, but no one heard him over the music of the wraiths.

"Pour some suntan lotion on me baby!" #1 kept singing.

"Isn't that from our world?" Megan asked.

"Yeah, it's that 'Sugar' song," Sami replied. "You know, 'Pour a little sugar on me baby…pour a little sugar on me honey!' "

She stopped singing as Merry and Pippin began dancing. They were rather scary, doing an odd sort of stripper-wannabe dance. However, Elf-girls were soon forming a big circle around them.

"Hey, Merry, look, we're famous!" Pippin said, pointing at the girls.

"I KNOW! XD" Merry yelled over the music."

"But…but…that's _my Pippin!" Renee said._

"Uh-uh-uh!" said Katie, coming back from shopping with Haldir and Gollum. Sam abruptly pulled out a pitchfork, but Haldir reached him first and dragged him behind a rock.

"What?" Renee asked.

"He's _my hobbit, remember?"_

"But you have Haldir and Gollum, _and Link! At least give me Pippin!" Renee pleaded._

"No, no, no!" Katie said, stifling a laugh.

"Fine. Legolas, let's dance," Renee said to the still angry-looking Legolas.

"Wow, one of these days we're going to wake up, and there are going to be chunky bits of Elf all over everything," Link stated.

Then, Renee's voice rose above the crowd, "BUT IT _DOES SOUND LIKE 'LEGLESS.' "_

The crowd stopped dancing, the wraiths stopped singing, and Renee stopped yelling, looking faintly embarrassed.

"Well…it does…" she began.

"Okay dudes, peace-out and Gondor bless!" With that, the wraiths exited.

"So…what in Gondor's name was _that all about?" Frodo asked._

"What? They just wanted to play some music. Pretty good in my opinion!" Katie said.

"So they're not after the ring?"

"Er…"

"Oh yeah!" #4 cried. "We're supposed to get that Ring for Saruman!" He came running back. "Give up the halfling, she—er…thing!"

"If you want him, come and claim him!" Renee cried, looking around. "Damn, where's my sword?"

"HEY!" Megan said indignantly. "That's that aloof, unavailable Elf princess's line!"

"Oops, sorry," Renee said.

"Nîn o Hithaeglir lasto beth daer; Rimmo nîn Bruinen dan in Ulaer!" Sami chanted. Everyone looked around.

"Um, don't you kind of have to be near the 'Waters of the Misty Mountains' for that to work?" Katie asked.

"Oh, yeah, heh…" Sami blushed. "Great, I've probably flooded the place now."

"Hey…you know what?" #1 asked the rest of the wraiths. "What's in this for us, anyways?"

"Yeah," #2 spoke up. "Why are we getting this Ring?" The rest of them shrugged.

"Let's go surfing," #8 suggested.

"Okay!" the wraiths agreed brightly. They left.

"Soooo…" Megan said.

"Sure," Sami answered.

"Okay, so, now that we've them off our backs, what now?"

"I don't know, but _I'm all for staying here," Boromir said, eyeing some more Elves._

"We should really be going though," Sam disagreed.

"But your opinion doesn't count," Renee pointed out, glancing at Haldir as she said it.

"Oh…yeah…"

"Argh," Gimli spoke up. "We should now go to the Misty Mountains."

"What is it with you and mountains?" Sami asked. "Anyway, we've already been there."

"Mountains are big." Gimli shrugged.

Renee laughed. "Gimli, are you compensating for something?"

Having also seen Shrek, Sami fought a laugh.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," Renee said.

"Oliver, I'm bored," Megan whined.

"Huh? What?" Oliver looked at her. He had been staring at an Elf.

"HEY!" she said, bashing him over the head.

"Ow…sorry," he mumbled.

"Haldir, go beat Sam up!" Katie commanded.

"Okay."

"What did he do now?" Merry asked, back from dancing.

"Who _cares?" Renee replied, turning around. "Well, I think it's time to go back to the house."_

Agreeing, the rest of the "Fellowship" followed her.


	9. Nine

Invading the Fellowship

Part Nine

"Dude, what happens if we go back without the ring?" #8 asked #5.

"Thems Powerpuff Girls takes over!" Larry grunted. "They stole my birthday suit!"

"Dude, no one wants to see you naked," #3 adjusted his shades.

"Here." #7 wrapped up a nut in tinfoil and colored it with a yellow marker. "There's the ring. If he says something, we were tricked."

"Yeah," the rest of them agreed.

***

"Dammit Katie, quit jumping around!" Renee chucked a pillow at her.

"^-^ But it's a mattress room!" Katie jumped from one bed to another. "Whee!" With one more bounce, she disappeared into the covers.

"u.u We're never getting any sleep this way," Sami sighed.

The "Jaws" music came on from out of nowhere as Katie swam around in the blankets.

"EEE! ARAGORN!" Frodo ran screaming from the room, Sam behind him.

"ROAR!" Katie leapt out of the blankets, tackling Link.

"AAAAAAAAHH!" Link screamed, falling off the bed. Oliver, who had been sitting on the bed as well, fell over and hit Merry, who landed on Pippin, who toppled into Renee, who fell into Legolas, who collapsed into Ewan, who tripped over Sami, who knocked over Megan.

"KATIE!!" The fallen Fellowship glared at her.

She put on an innocent look and pointed to Link. "He did it."

"Wha—I did not!" Link whimpered.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas pointed and laughed, thus Katie chucked a shoe at him. "OW!! T.T"

"Can we all just go to bed?" Oliver yawned, crawling onto the pallet. "We're starting off tomorrow."

"Do we gotta?" Megan whined. "I wanna stay here!"

"Yeah, sorry. G'night."

***

"They tricked you!" Saruman paced back and forth in front of the ringwraiths.

"Damn!" #6 snapped his fingers. "Those evil things…"

"Get thems critters!" Larry hollered. "And thems there Powerpuff Girls!"

"…Yeah…" Saruman blinked. "GO! Bring me the ring!"

***

"I can't sleep." Renee walked outside the house. "We're so gonna miss Lothlórien…hm?" she looked down below as Frodo ran by. Gollum was sleeping on guard duty, or else he'd have stopped him.

"What the din are you doing up?" Link suddenly asked from behind Renee.

"AH!" Renee jumped back. "Don't do that!"

"Sorry."

"I couldn't sleep so I came out here. I just saw Frodo run by." Renee watched the hobbit disappear into the thicket. "What're you doing here anyway?"

"¬o¬ Katie demanded food…" Link grumbled. "I wonder what Frodo is up to…"

"Let's follow him," Renee suggested. "Be careful, Gollum just woke up."

"Oneses, twoses, threeses, fourses…" Gollum paced back and forth. When the coast was clear, Renee and Link dashed across the path and hid behind a bush.

"Sméagol!" Gollum looked around.

"Don't breathe…" Link cautioned Renee in a whisper. Once Gollum's chanting resumed, the twosome headed further in after Frodo. "Wait." Link stopped. Reaching into a bush, he pulled out Sam.

"Hey!" Sam pulled out his pitchfork.

"Hi-YAH!" Renee sent a swift kick to his head, rendering him unconscious.

"Let's leave him here." Link shoved Sam back into the bushes. If Gollum finds him, he's a dead man."

"Hobbit," Renee corrected. Before Link could say anything, a loud giggle came from the left. "WTF?"

"Oh, Frodo…" a voice came.

"x.x I'm scared…" Link ran behind a tree.

"u.u Oh, come on." Renee dragged him to the rock. The two of them peered closely over the wall down at Frodo and Galadriel below.

"Frodo's the man!" They heard another voice.

"Link, what's going on here?" Renee demanded.

"I'm not even supposed to be in here, how would I know?"

Renee looked down again. What she saw was a big party in the mirror. Everyone was waving at Frodo, like they all wanted him there.

"Frodo, what are you doing?" Galadriel said, hurrying toward him.

"PAAAAAARRTAAAAAY!" Frodo yelled back.

"The Mirror of Galadriel should not be used like this!" Galadriel said, trying to knock him out of the way.

"What?"

"It is sup_posed to show you what can happen: past, present, and future."_

"But I like it like _this!" Frodo griped._

"No, it must be broken again. It was originally the Mirror of Erised that I bought half-price at Dumbledore's garage sale. Must be acting up again. Damn wizards!"

"Who?" Link asked Renee.

"Dumbledore. From _Harry Potter. Same place that Oliver's from," Renee replied._

"Okay…whatever." They looked back down.

"One moment, I'll fix it," Galadriel said. She kicked it a few times, and poured some new water in. First it showed reruns of Friends for a bit, and then it began showing Barney.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!! TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!" Renee yelled.

Link covered her mouth. "SHHHH! Woman, you'll get us caught!"

Finally, it showed some hobbits running away form the orcs. Then it showed various other dark pictures…lots of fire, and evil-looking things. Frodo, captivated, moved closer.

"DO NOT TOUCH THE WATER!" Galadriel screamed. Then she muttered under her breath, "Twenty dollars a quart…can't afford to get dirty hobbits' hands in it…"

The eye of Sauron was now showing. Everywhere, there were whispers. They told the Ring to come back, demanding Frodo go to Mordor. Finally, Frodo threw himself back.

"That is what will happen…if…well, to put it blatantly, if you screw up, fail to go to Mordor, and let the Ring overtake you," Galadriel told him.

"But I don't want it anymore!" Frodo whined. "Here, Galadriel, you take it!" He shoved the Ring toward her.

"Hmm, and here I thought I was going to have to kill you!" She began chasing him in circles.

"Ahh! Help! Help me! I do want the Ring! I do want it!" Frodo said, running away from Galadriel and putting the Ring on his necklace.

"Indian-giver," Galadriel muttered. "I need the Ring. You would have a beautiful queen, not a dark lord. Give it to me _now!"_

"Lil' bit conceited there, eh?" Renee said, turning to Link.

"Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!" They heard Sam's voice.

"SAM!! OVER HERE! HELP!"

Sam raced over with his pitchfork.

"Ow!" Galadriel cried as Sam poked her.

"Okay, well, I think they have this under control now," Renee said. "Off to the cafeteria?"

"Aye, aye," Link replied.

*~*

"We have vanilla cake, chocolate cake, carrot cake, banana-nut cake…" An Elven cafeteria lady explained the list of cakes they had.

"Uh…I guess we'll take…chocolate?" Link said.

"Ohh! Do you have cookies?" Renee exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Sure do…we have plain, peanut butter, chocolate chip, double-chocolate chip, sugar, gingerbread, snickerdoodles…" the lady went on and on again.

"One of each!" Renee ordered.

The lady handed her a huge bag, then a greatly smaller one to Link. "Your cake," she told him.

"Yeah, okay, let's go." He pulled Renee along, who was eating cookies behind him. "Come on, come on, back to the house."

"Yeah, I know," Renee replied. "So what's up with Frodo? If I didn't know better, I'd say Galadriel _likes him!!"_

"Yeah, uh-huh, NO!" Link yelled. "He's a short, fat, little, ugly, hairy THING!"

"Link…are you _jealous?" Renee asked slyly._

"NO! I'm n—"

"Link loves Galadriel, Link loves Galadriel!" Renee shouted in a singsong voice, skipping around.

"_ Sorry, 'bout this." He pulled out the Rod of Seasons and hit her on the head.

"Sooo sleepy," she muttered before blacking out.

"Much better! ^^" Link said, dragging her back to the house.

"We're back!" Link announced, dropping Renee on the ground.

Katie yawned and got up. "Did you get my food?" she demanded.

"OoOoOoO!" Cookies!" Pippin exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing the bag from the unconscious Renee.

"HEY!" she screamed, coming to. "Those are _MINE!!"_

"Hey, gimme some Pippin," Merry said.

"And me! I wanna cookie!" Megan chimed in.

"GIVE ME THEM NOW!" Renee tried to get her cookies back. There was a rather violent scuffle as everyone fought to get some.

"Yummy!" Sami said, emerging from the pile of tangled bodies. "Peanut butter!"

"Hey! _I got them, __remember?" Renee cried._

"Oh, yeah, here," Merry said, tossing her the last cookie.

"But this is raisin and walnut. I _hate raisin and walnut," she whined._

"Oh, okay then!" Merry said brightly. He snatched the cookie back and crammed it into his mouth. "Mmmmm…"

Renee pouted. "All my cookies…"

"Harhar," Sami said.

"Argh!" Gimli suddenly grunted. "Can't find my axe!"

"Ewan had it last," Oliver told him.

"Uh-uh, _you had it!" Ewan argued._

"Oh brother," Megan rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, ANYWAY," Katie said loudly.

"What?" Legolas asked.

"Hey…where're Sam and Frodo at?" Megan looked around.

"They're off with Link's new GIRLFRIEND!" Renee stuck her tongue out at Link.

"HIS **_WHAT_**?!" Katie screamed, waking all of Middle-Earth.


	10. Ten

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Ten

"Sleepy, sleepy…" Saruman rolled over in his bed, sucking his thumb and clutching his teddy bear. "Ring…"

"Dude, ya hear that?" #3 looked at #6.

"Yeah, dude, that was loud," #7 yawned. "Go back to sleep, guys."

"Yeah, thems Powerpuff Girls come back tomorrow," Larry grumbled.

"Great," #8 said. "We'll get rid of you and hire Vincent Valentine."

"…He's not dead though." #2 blinked.

"So?" #1 snorted. "He's a creepy hot guy. Like us!"

"True…hey, #4…wake up, you're snoring!"

Suddenly, all the wraiths heard noises coming from the next room.

"Merry! Merry!" some orcs were chanting.

"What are you doing up?" #4, awake now, grumbled. "And get away from Saruman's big black ball thingy."

"We're watching this chic and guy fight," an orc replied.

"OOOOOOO! Girls!" one of them said excitedly. "Let's capture some!"

"Sure…" one of the Uruk-Hai blinked. "Who's Merry?"

"That halfling there supervising the fight."

"Oh."

"Back to BED!" they eye of Sauron screamed.

"Damn, right when it was getting interesting," some random orc muttered.

"How can he talk if he's just an eye anyways?" Larry asked.

"Larry?"

"Yes'm?"

"…Shut _up."_

***

"Ten carrots on Merry!" Pippin shouted.

"All my highlighters on Katie!" Megan held up her highlighters.

"Any more bets?" Boromir asked.

"Thou shall not gamble!" Aragorn preached, but no one was paying attention, as usual. "Oh, poo."

"Er…why's it hailing snails?" Sami looked at the sky. "Ew."

"…And the river just turned to Jello…" Megan noticed. "That's creepy."

"It's the Apocalypse!" Renee shrieked. Out of nowhere, a bright light flashed. Landing on the ground, a girl dressed in punk clothing and a Ryoga shirt appeared.

"Moshi Moshi!" she grinned. "I'm Li, Katie's sister!"

"What the din are you doing here?" Katie growled at her. "Go home!"

"As supreme protector of Katie and Link's relationship, I gotta fix this before the world blows up!"

"The supreme protector of what?" Megan looked at Sami and Renee, who both shrugged.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan were busy laughing their heads off.

"Hahahahahahaha!" Legolas joined in.

"Shut up." Ewan looked at him. "You don't get the joke."

"Oh, you're so _mean!" Legolas started crying._

"I can fix this myself. Go away." Katie waved her hand at her sister.

"Oh, fine!" Li stomped her foot, causing an earthquake.

"EEE!" Legolas fell out the window and landed in a bramble patch. "OW!" He ran around screaming and covered in thorns.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan started up again.

"This is confusing." Frodo looked at Sami. "Did I miss something?"

"I dunno, I'm lost too…"

"Look!" Megan pointed to the sky. The clouds swirled and a large Gandalf head appeared in the sky.

"Aly, what did you do?" it said, then it and Li disappeared.

"That was…um…interesting." Renee blinked.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They were still at it.

"Will you two shut _up?" Megan bopped them on the head with the Sam-bat._

"Ow…" Oliver rubbed his head, then looked around. "Hey, dude, where's my broom?"

"I dunno." Ewan shrugged. "Hey, dude where's your broom?"

"I dunno. Dude, where's my broom?"

"I d—"

"AHHH!" Sami screamed, tugging at her hair. "STOP IT!"

"Oh, fine." Megan pulled Oliver's broom out of her backpack. "Here's your stupid broom."

"Thanks," Oliver said, grabbing the broom and taking off.

"Dammit," Megan swore. "I knew there was a reason why I had that."

"I want my Oliver back!" Renee sobbed.

"Hey! He's _my Oliver, remember?" Megan grabbed the Sam-bat and bonked Renee with it._

Meanwhile, Legolas tied a piece of rope to an arrow and shot it at Oliver's broom. "Pull on this," he told everybody.

"Oww!" exclaimed Oliver as he hit the ground.

"Are you all right?" Megan and Renee asked. Megan beat Renee through, and stuck her tongue out at her while covering Oliver with Harry Potter™ Band-Aids™.

"Here." Sami handed Renee the Sam-Bat™, and she stomped off to some nearby woods, dragging Sam behind her.

"Ya know, that's gonna break eventually," Katie commented.

"That's why I brought extras."

"Oh."

"Argh, where's the popcorn?" Gimli asked.

"Here." Katie pulled a bag out of her backpack. "Oh, damn, that's the last."

Aragorn grabbed the popcorn. "In the name of Gondor, multiply and be plentiful!"

"Unlimited popcorn! Wooo!"

Legolas looked sadly at the popcorn.

"What's the matter?" Sami asked him with a full mouth.

"Popcorn's greasy," he replied. " 'Tis bad for my perfect Elven complexion."

"Ha, ha!" Link taunted him. "I can have popcorn and you _can't!"_

Legolas glared murderously at Link. "Have _this popcorn! And this! And this!" he yelled, hurling handfuls of the popcorn at Link._

"Oh, yeah, popcorn, now that's _really gonna hurt!" Renee commented sarcastically, emerging from the woods._

"Hey!" Pippin cried indignantly. "Stop wasting the popcorn!"

"What for? We have loads," Sami pointed out.

Pippin glanced around, seeing the hundreds of bags. "Oh, yeah. Good point."

"And if we run out, we can just make Aragorn make more," Katie added.

"GO LINK!" Megan cheered.

"No way! Kick some ass, Legolas!" Renee shouted.

Link picked up a few kernels that Legolas had tossed. He threw them straight at Legolas's face.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Legolas screamed. "AAHHHHH! Grease! Oil! Salt on my lovely, perfect complexion!!" He dashed to the bathroom, picking up his special Elven cleansing facial wash on the way.

"Yay! Go Link!" Boromir applauded. "Er, I mean…"

"Anyway," Oliver cleared his throat. "Aren't we supposed to be leaving?"

"Awwwwwwwwww," chorused Sami, Renee, Megan, Katie, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Boromir and Link. "Do we _have to?"_

Celeborn suddenly appeared. "Yes. Now get out."

Everyone was transported to the riverbank, with five boats and a large pile of stuff next to them.

"OoOoOoOoOoO!!!" the four girls exclaimed. "Presents!!" They dove at the pile.

Aragorn stepped in front of them. He picked up a parcel from the top of the pile and read, "For Katie," off of the tag. He tossed it to here, and she opened it.

"Cool!" she exclaimed. A…a…what is this?" She pulled a long black stick out of the package.

Sami picked the tag up off the ground and flipped it over. "A new Sam-Bat™ made from Elven-wood. And it also doubles as a tracking device. Insert a blood sample at the top and press the red button. You get an instant location of anything you wish.

"SWEET!" Renee exclaimed.

Katie had tackled Link to the ground and was now trying to poke him with a needle. "Come on, it's just a little blood! It won't hurt! Hold still! Stop squirming!!"

Aragorn cleared his throat. "Yeah, this one's for Megan."

He passed her a small box. She opened it, and a big black swirly hole popped out. She looked on the inside cover of the box. "Portable plothole-in-a-box. Nifty-spiff!" She started to reach into it, but Renee grabbed the box and pulled the plothole back into it.

"No more characters," she told Megan sternly. "Or we won't be able to fit in the boats!"

Megan stuck out her lower lip. "Pweez?" she asked with big shining eyes. "I just wanna pull Dra—"

"No."

"Not even if he's wearing leather?"

"Hmmm…I mean, NO!!"

"Fine…"

Aragorn continued to distribute gifts.

"Sort of like a cross between Jesus and Santa Clause now, eh?" Sami whispered to Katie.

"O.o That's weird," Katie said. "Ew. Imagine him in a Santa Clause suit."

"Bleargh."

Aragorn received a sheath for Andúril and a green and silver brooch called Elessar. Boromir was given a golden belt. For Merry and Pippin, Galadriel had sent little silver belts. Legolas got a bow like that of Galadhrim and some arrows.

"Like he needs that," Link muttered. "All he does is flounce around and look 'pretty.' "

"Sam Gamgee." Aragorn gave him a little box with a "G" engraved on it. Inside was…soil.

"Dirt?" snickered Katie. "She gave you a box of _dirt?"_

"Not just any 'dirt,' Katie-sama," Haldir said. "It is from Lady Galadriel's orchard."

"But still," Megan pointed out, "it is rather amusing. A box of _dirt!"_

Sam sighed.  "And I really needed a new pitchfork too," he grumbled, glaring at Katie and Megan.

"To Sami," Aragorn announced.

"Woohoo!" she exclaimed. "_A Guide to Elvish!" She opened the book. "Amin mela lle…hmmm…Amin mela lle, Ewan!!!"_

"Er…'kay," he replied. "What?" he asked, as Aragorn tapped him on the shoulder.

"This is for you," said Aragorn, shoving a box at him. Inside was a typewriter and a bottle of absinthe.

"Huh?" Ewan asked, confused.

"OoOoO!!" Sami tried to reach the absinthe. "I wanna be the Green Fairy!!"

"Ummmmmmmm…no. You're underage, remember?" Megan reminded her.

"Oh. Yeah. Damn."

"For Renee, an Elven camera. It takes moving pictures like wizard film, but putting the name 'Elven' on it just makes it sound better."

"Sweet!" Renee said as Aragorn handed her the camera. She began clicking away. She took pictures of Oliver, the sky, Legolas, Oliver, the river, Oliver, the boats, Ewan, Oliver, the trees, Oliver again…

"HEY!" Megan cried, who had noticed this. "He's _MINE!" She snatched Oliver and hugged him tightly. "Go take pictures of…" She let go of Oliver long enough to whisper a suggestion in Renee's ear._

"Ooh! Okay!" she dashed away.

"Okay, Oliver," Megan said, turning back to him. He was gone. "Oliver? Ollie-chan?"

"Wooooooooo!" he called from up above. "Now I see why Potter loved this thing so much!!"

Megan turned and looked questioningly at Sami and Katie.

"He got a Firebolt," Katie explained.

"Great…now I have _two brooms I have to keep away from him?"_

"Hey, Haldir, this one's yours." The package was rather small. As soon as Haldir opened it, though, something very large emerged.

"A collapsible, remote-control X.tra-Super-Power Sam-Bat 5000™," Katie read from over Haldir's shoulder. "Wow, I never thought Galadriel could be so cool!"

"Gimli, you get three hairs from Galadriel." Aragorn gave him a tiny box.

"…that's what *_I* wanted…" Link said, his eyes growing wide and tearful._

"Oh, boy," Renee muttered.

"You get this book, Link."

Link took the book from Aragorn. "101 Legolas jokes. Compiled by Celeborn and Elrond." He opened it to the first page. "How many times does Legolas laugh at a joke?" Link asked.

"I dunno. How many?" Merry said.

"Three—once when you tell it to him, once when you explain it, and once when he finally understands it."

This sent the Fellowship into peals of laughter except for Legolas, and Megan.

"That's my tuba joke!" she said. "Joke-stealers!! Grrrrr…."

"I don't get it," Legolas said.

"Never mind," Katie told him.

"For Gollum. A fishstick and a brand-new M-16."

"OoOoOoOoO…preciousssssssssss…" he cooed, taking the gun and aiming it at Sam. Sam ran away to hide behind Frodo.

"Lastly, but definitely not least…for the Ringbearer…a crystal phial of light form Eärendil's star. She sends this message: 'May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.' "

"Aw, it's just a little container with light," complained Frodo. "How come you guys get all the interesting presents?" He sniffled.

"Oh, suck it up," Sami said, who was still in a rather sour mood because she didn't get to be the Green Fairy.

"Hey, and I have to say, the light is more interesting than Sam's box of dirt," Renee said. "And Aragorn? I need you to multiply my film." She was sitting on the ground surrounded by photos of Oliver, other various Fellowship members, some scenery, and…Legolas's butt.

"Megan's idea!" she exclaimed when Sami asked about it.

"Hey, can you blame me?" Megan asked. "Anyway, here are the boat arrangements. Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Boat One. In Boat Two are Boromir, Merry, and Pippin. Legolas, Gimli, and Renee are in Boat Three."

"You stuck me with Gimli?" Renee sighed.

"Yeah, sorry, didn't know where else to put you. Katie, Haldir, Gollum, and Link are Boat Four's passengers, and Ewan, Sami, Oliver, and I are riding in Boat Five."

"Aye-aye!" Everyone climbed into their respective boats (Renee though rather reluctantly).

"You do realize that our boat is probably going to sink, right?" Sami commented. "We have no original Fellowship members."

"Yeah, well if we get into trouble, we can always get some lifejackets out of my plothole. Hey!! I wonder if I can pull the _Titanic outta here!"_

"Don't even try," Sami warned. "At least not until we get back to Waterhole. _If we get there."_

"Oh, all right," Megan sulked.

"Come on, let's go!" Katie announced from Boat Four. "To Mordor!"


	11. Eleven

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Eleven

A/N: Slight language warning in this chapter…and the term "pervy hobbit-fancier" belongs to Cassie Claire.

"Now that Larry's off with the Powerpuff Girls, we want you to join us," #5 explained to Vincent.

"……………What do I do?"

"Um…I dunno." #3 shrugged. "Just do what we do."

"…All right." Vincent shrugged too. "I have nothing better to do anyway."

"All right." #8 jumped on his new motorcycle. "Let's go!"

***

"…Why am I stuck in a boat with Gimli?" Renee grumbled.

"Why do I have to row?" Legolas started crying. "I'll ruin my figure!"

"…Maybe we should make all the guys row shirtless." Megan grinned evilly, Sami doing the same.

"Not a bad idea." Renee sat playing her GBA. "But make Gimli and Sam leave their shirts on."

"I'll get sunburned!" Legolas began crying again.

"WOOHOO!" Oliver and Ewan stood up, taking their shirts off. They had apparently had downed Ewan's new bottle of absinthe, throwing them into a drunken state. They had begun to unbutton their pants now…

"OoOoOoOoO!" Megan and Sami squeed.

"Thou shall not strip!!" Aragorn pronounced, walking across the water to yell at them.

"*Hic* Why *Hic*? Oliver fell back into the boat, tipping it over. Ewan fell into Renee's boat, causing Legolas's paddle to hit Katie's boat, knocking everyone into the water.

"Oh, for crying out loud…" Pippin shook his head. His and Frodo's boats were the only ones still in the upright position.

"…Where is Sami?" Renee looked around.

"Megan's gone too." Katie glanced at the water, clutching a side of the boat.

"Sméagol!" Gollum dove underwater. He reemerged, carrying a passed-out-Megan and Sami behind him.

"Yay! Go Gollum!" Katie helped pull them ashore. "That Navy Seal training came in handy!"

"They're not breathing." Oliver checked their pulses.

"Nooo!" Boromir cried into Gimli's shoulder again. "No more deaths!"

"Well…" Katie folded her arms. "You two should know what to do then." She looked pointedly from Ewan to Oliver.

"No…wait…" Oliver thought. "Ohhhhh no…I'm not doing CPR."

"You guys caused it, so now you can fix it."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"You idiot, _I don't have to!" Link whacked him with a paddle._

"Ow! Oh…" Legolas blinked. "My hair!" he started sobbing.

"Don't hit him!" Renee bashed Link upside the head with Sami's Elvish book.

"Ew…" Sami sat up. "That water is gross."

"x.x Yeah." Megan woke up as well. Ewan and Oliver sat there brushing their teeth. "Hey, you know, you could use a Tic-Tac as well," she said crossly.

"Uh…now what?" Merry asked.

"I dunno." Renee shrugged.

"Hey! Let's have a party!" Katie jumped up. "We can invite all the orcs!"

"No." Aragorn stood up. "No party. You all will need your rest. We will be in a great battle tomorrow."

"Aww. You suck." Pippin pouted, throwing a rock at Sam. It hit him in the forehead, knocking him into the water. No one cared.

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Ewan looked at Oliver.

"…I think so." Oliver scratched his head. "But I don't think that tartar sauce goes on pizza."

"Damn, I thought it did." Ewan went back to brushing his teeth.

"Hey!" Sami looked around. "Where did everybody _go?"_

"Renee and Haldir are training on the beach, Frodo went someplace and Boromir followed (I think he's stalking him), Sam's drowning—no, wait, Gollum just saved him, never mind, Gimli's sleeping, Link and Katie disappeared, Legolas is washing his hair, Aragorn is preaching to the fish, Megan is right over there, Pippin is doing Gondor knows what, and I'm reading your notebook," Merry replied, all in one breath. "Haha…love the fishstick jokes."

"HEY!" Sami snatched it away. "Will you stop taking my notebooks?!"

"But I like it!" he replied. " 'Specially the part about me and Pippin stealing all their stuff! That was funny!"

"OoOoO…would you review for us?" Sami asked excitedly. "We only have twenty-three…"

"What?" Merry was confused.

"Er…'kay, never mind."

"Hey, maybe they'll have some ideas for Arwen's journal!" Megan exclaimed.

"Whaaaat? Who has Arwen's journal?? Lemme see!!!!" Aragorn attacked Sami, who was holding the notebook.

"Mmm…mmm…" Aragorn mumbled while frantically flipping the pages.

"Umm…do you think we should get that back?" Sami asked Megan.

"Dunno…probably. It might traumatize him if we let him read too much…" Megan asid.

They both jumped on Aragorn and tried to get the notebook back. Merry however, was smaller and faster, and he grabbed it out of Aragorn's hand.

"HAHA!" he laughed before running towards the trees, Pippin on his heels.

"Damn," Sami said.

"Should we go find them?" asked Megan.

"Nah…they'll be back soon enough," Sami stated. "I need to stay here and work on my tan anyway."

"So…do you think we should go save Frodo from Boromir now?" Renee asked.

"WHAT?!" Aragorn exclaimed. "Frodo in trouble? I will save him!!"

"Pervy hobbit-fancier," Megan grumbled.

"Arwen's gonna get angry XD!" Sami snerked.

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

"Now, Renee-chan, Elanor, try to grab the fly out of my hand," Haldir instructed.

Renee sat with her eyes closed for a while. Haldir looked on, waiting for her, and then she struck.

"Nope," Haldir said, closing his hand.

"Dammit, can't you just give it to me?" Renee yelled.

"No, no," Haldir said. "How will you ever be quicker than the orcs if you are not quicker than me?"

"I'm already quicker than the damn orcs, what the hell does it matter?"

"Will you please keep your obscenities down to a minimum? It ruins your karma."

"Oh, who gives a shit?"

"You want to run?"

"No."

"No, what?"

Renee sighed heavily. "No, Haldir-sama…" she grunted.

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

"So, Link, who is the new girl?" Katie said bitterly.

"Um…there is no new girl," he said.

"Right. Suuuure," Katie replied.

"Fine, have it your way."

"Okay."

"Fine."

An awkward silence filled the space around them.

"Don't you believe me?" he asked, turning towards her.

She turned away. "Why should I?"

"Because, if I had a girlfriend, would I do this?" Link took Katie in his arms and started kissing her.

Katie was completely shocked.

"Ohhhhhhhhh!!" Pippin said.

They broke apart, Katie still in shock, Link wearing a big doofy smile.

"OoOoO! Wait 'til the guys hear about this!!" Pippin yelled.

"Pippin, _no!!" Katie screamed. "I'll give you __TWO carrots!"_

He halted and looked back. "Two?"

"Yes," Katie said.

"Three," Pippin bargained.

"Two."

"Four."

"One."

"Deal!" Pippin smiled. "Carrots…I like bargaining."

Katie rolled her eyes. "What a dork…"

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

Later that evening, when the extended Fellowship returned to camp, there was a conference over which way to go.

"The sign over there clearly points to Mordor," Gimli said. "This is our route. We must go there."

"Gimli, that points to a freaking _desert!" Renee said._

"No it doesn't, the desert sign points over there!" he argues, pointing to…Mt. Doom.

"Exactly," Renee said. "Someone obviously switched the signs."

"But…how?" Aragorn asked.

"Honestly, you're as blonde as Legolas," Renee said. "You pick the post up and turn the signs! It's as simple as that…"

"OHHHHHH!" The original Fellowship chorused.

"My God…" Renee muttered.

"Well, which way?" Megan asked.

"Well, we should really follow the signs," Boromir said. "Even if they do look misleading.

"Yeah," Aragorn agreed. "We should. I'm the Ranger here. Off to Mordor." He pointed to the desert.

"No way!" Megan exclaimed.

"It's obvious," Aragorn said. "If we go in the desert, it will eventually lead us to Mordor. If we go towards Mordor, it will eventually lead to the desert," he added matter-of-factly.

Sami blinked. "Wha?"

"Too much 'water-into-wine,' there, eh?" Megan joked. Sami giggled.

"Okay, whatever, let's just freaking go already," Katie said.

"Yes, Katie-sama," Haldir agreed and together they marched the Fellowship towards the desert Mordor.


	12. Twelve

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twelve

***

"If you're happy and you know it…" #4 began to sing loudly as they traipsed through some trees. All of the wraiths were skipping down a path and wearing hardhats with lights in them.

"Clap your hands!" #2, 6, and 7 joined in. Everyone clapped except Vincent.

"Dude." #1 looked at him. "You're like…supposed to clap!"

"Oh…yeah…sorry." Vincent clapped his hands twice. All the lights went out.

"Okay, which idiot set the clapper on four times?" #6 grumbled. "I can't see a darn thing now…ow!" he stumbled into #3.

"I'm scared of the dark!" #2 whimpered.

#8 clapped four more times, and the lights came back on. "Buncha geniuses you all are…" he muttered.

#7 looked around. "Are you _sure we're going the right way?"_

"Positive," #5 replied. "Come on, we gotta keep going."

"All right…"

***

"I'm tired." Legolas took one step into the desert. "I wanna go _home!"_

"God, Legolas, you complain more than Katie complains about gym class," Renee mumbled.

"I do _not complain in gym class!" Katie crossed her arms and pouted._

"I feel ignored." Frodo blinked.

"…Yeah, we have been ignoring him lately, eh?" Merry thought for a minute. "Sorry about that."

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Megan shrieked suddenly. She stuck her arm in her backpack and, after fishing through it a bit, retrieved her Plothole-in-a-Box. She opened it up and started to reach inside.

"NO MORE PEOPLE!" Renee tried to grab the box. Too late.

"Draco Malfoy!" Megan grinned. "I'll just trade in Oliver—"

"NO!" Renee attached herself to Oliver. "You can't take him!"

"You can't have three guys!" Sami pouted. "If you get Oliver, I get Legolas!"

"That's not fair! If she takes Oliver, then I'll only have one!" Megan pointed out.

"What about Frodo?" Katie shoved the Ringbearer at Megan.

"…I still want Oliver!" she whined.

"_I want Oliver!" Renee demanded. While this was going on, Draco was busy inquiring the Fellowship._

"And what might _you be?" Draco looked down at Merry. "A Dwarf?"_

"No." Merry pointed to Gimli. "_That's a Dwarf. I'm a hobbit!"_

"I see…" Draco moved on down the line. "So you're the Dwarf?"

"Argh," Gimli grunted. "Meat loaf."

"Yeah…you must be Elves," Draco glanced at Link, Legolas, and Haldir. "The last one seems to be wearing something decent, buy why are you two wearing skirts?"

"They're _tunics," Legolas huffed._

"You still look like girls."

"Yeah, buy I'll bet you scream like one." Link cracked his knuckles.

"Don't start nothing," Katie said, holding him back.

"I didn't; he did!" Link grumbled.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"And what is _that? Another hobbit?" Draco looked at Katie._

"Wha?? I'M NOT A HOBBIT!!" Katie pouted.

"You're right, I'm sorry…I meant Dwarf."

"Grrrr…" Katie growled, but stopped when she saw the look on Draco's face. "What? I didn't do anything _yet…"_

"Sméagol!" Gollum was pointing his gun at Draco. "Youses be nices!" he warned. He cocked the gun and added, "Or elses!"

"Yeah!" Sam pointed his pitchfork at Draco. "No one picks on her but me!"

"Sam, go away." Katie blinked. Sam pointed the pitchfork at her and she ran behind Haldir.

"You're afraid of a…_hobbit?" Draco smirked._

"Be nice to me or I'll tell Snape!"

"…Whatever." Draco walked over to Ewan and Oliver.

"Dude, what does mine say?" Oliver turned around, showing Ewan his tattoo.

"Lisse'! What does mine say?" Ewan turned his back, showing off his.

"Edan! What does mine say?"

"Lisse'! What does mine say?"

"Edan! What does mine say?"

"Lisse'! WHAT DOES MINE SAY?"

"Huh?" Sami, Renee, and Megan quit complaining and turned to watch.

"WHAT DOES MINE SAY?" Oliver was screaming, the two of them trying to beat each other up.

"Enough!" Haldir stood up. "Yours says 'lisse' ' and yours says 'edan.' Okay?"

"Yano we're never gonna get anywhere fighting like this," Frodo told the Fellowship.

"Let's head out," Aragorn said again.

"Which way?" Draco crossed his arms. "You better not get us lost or I'll tell Snape and it'll be fifty points from all of your houses. And we'd better find shade soon. I'm frying in these robes."

"Yeah, um…" Oliver blinked. "Here." He chucked a bag of clothes at Draco. "Go over there…someplace…and change."

"Humph…" Draco marched off.

"YES!!" Renee and Megan chased after him, but Aragorn stopped them.

"HALT!" he commanded.

"Aw, poo."

***

"We're going through the desert, guys," #3 put on his shades. "Don't forget your sunblock."

"Dude, we'll get like…good tans." #7 grinned.

"…I…have to go." Vincent turned and walked off.

#1 shrugged. "Maybe he burns easily…"

"Aw, damn, not again!" #5 groaned, pointing.

"Hey, y'all!" Larry came back wearing overalls and a plaid shirt. "Thems Powerpuff Girls are outta commission for some time…"

"Why oh _WHY did Sauron ever make you a wraith…" #8 sighed and shook his head, following the rest of the Ringwraiths into the desert._

***

"Oneses, twoses, threeses, fourses…" Gollum counted out loud. He was wearing an Arabian hat thing, and he had his machine gun in his hand. "Marches!"

"-_- I'm really tired." Sami dragged her feet on the ground. "We've been marching for two hours!"

"You get used to it," Megan assured her. "But I guess two hours straight is a bit much."

"Marches!" Gollum called back.

"Oneses, twoses…blar," Sami grumbled. "This is why I'm in pit…what does he think this is, anyways? Desert Storm?"

"^o^ He was in it!" Katie pointed out.

"Why do the hobbits get to ride the brooms?" Renee asked Haldir.

"The desert sand burns their feet."

"^σ^ Roast hobbit!" Katie danced about.

"¬.¬ Katie, it's too hot!" Sami said miserably, collapsing onto the ground.

"Breakses!" Gollum announced.

"_Finally," Renee sat down, pulling out her canteen. "Uh-oh…"_

"…Did anyone bring any water?" Frodo asked.

"…We thought Gimli did." Merry looked at Gimli, Pippin nodding.

"Argh," Gimli grunted. "I drank it all."

"Oh that's just _great!" Renee cried. "We're going to die of dehydration!"_

"I have a plothole!" Megan pulled it out. Reaching around inside, all she could find was a gum wrapper, a wad of Boromir's hair, and the _101 Legolas Jokes book._

"Hey!" Link snatched the book away. "I've been looking for that!"

"What is it?" Draco took it and flipped through the pages.

"Crap…gotta recharge the plothole!" Megan hooked it up to the portable battery charger.

"Guys…Frodo's dying again…" Renee pointed to the green-looking hobbit."

"Nooooo!" Gimli cried on Boromir's shoulder.

"I shoulda paid more attention in Potions…" Oliver grumbled.

"But we never learned to make water…" Draco said, pulling out his wand. "Hmmm…"

"What, you know how to make it rain?" Megan raised an eyebrow.

"Make it rain?" Katie blinked.

"Yeah."

"^σ^ Why didn't you _say so?" Katie grinned. "Link, get out your Ocarina and play the Song of Storms!"_

"NOOOOOOO!" Legolas howled. "SPLIT END!!" he shrieked. He began to cry once again. "THE HEAT IS MURDER! PLAY THE FLUTE OR _DIE!" he shouted at Link._

"Okay, okay! Sheesh!" Link played the Song of Storms.

"Yay!" the happy hobbits pranced about in the rain.

"Dude…" Oliver looked at Ewan. "Is it me or do we look even sexier when we're wet?"

"I guess…" Ewan shrugged. They unbuttoned their shirts and stood there looking hot.

"OoOoOoOoO!" Sami, Renee, and Megan all ran over to them.

"Sméagol!" Gollum stood up.

"We shall march in the rain!" Aragorn pronounced, leading the way.

"x.x Yano I gotta play this constantly to keep the rain up," Link pointed out.

"So keep playing!" Renee called back to him. "It's only three hours to the nearest cliff. Then you can rest your chops."

"As part of your training, you shall carry Frodo to learn balance." Haldir said to Renee, putting the hobbit on her back.

"WHAT?!"

"Would you rather carry Sam?"

"No, Haldir-sama…"


	13. Thirteen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Thirteen

***

"Hey! Weren't we supposed to fight a battle?" Some Guy said to Lurtz.

"Yeah, but I guess they bailed on us…" Lurtz shrugged.

"Aw. I wanted to use the new weapon too!" Some Guy pointed to the cage that held Cynthia, the creepy girl.

"That's not a weapon, that's a gift for Sauron's lunch!" Lurtz slapped him.

"Ow…oh, yeah." Some Guy rubbed his face. A sudden ringing noise came from Lurtz's pocket. He pulled out his cell.

"Hello?"

"This is Saruman! Hurry up and capture those high-schoolers! Sauron's getting hungry!"

"Yes sir!" Lurtz put away his phone. "To the desert!" he commanded.

"What idiot switched the signs?" Some Orc asked Some Guy.

"I dunno. They just went that way. Stupid people. They're probably being led by a blue monkey thing, four short people, a few blonde Elves, a holy man, four crazy females, and a few other dorks." Some Guy shrugged. "Then again, what are the odds of that?"

***

"Row, row, row your boat," Megan began.

"Row, row, row your boat," Sami added the second part of the round.

Renee started to join in. "Row, row, r—"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Frodo.

"OW!! What?!" Renee exclaimed. "I don't sing _that bad!!"_

"But we're not _rowing boats!!" Frodo shrieked. "WE ARE WALKING THROUGH A FREAKING DESERT. A __DESERT!!"_

"STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR!" Renee yelled at the top of her lungs. She dropped Frodo on the ground.

"Owwwwwww!! x.x HOT SAND! Owowowowowow!" He paused for a moment, then, "SHE DROPPED ME!! ARAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOOOORN!"

"Thou shall not be evil to the Ringbearer!" Aragorn thundered at Renee.

"¬.¬ Sure, fine, whatever," she grumbled.

"Well?" Frodo asked expectantly.

She looked down at him. "Well what?"

"Aren't you going to pick me up?"

"No."

"AAAARAAAA—"

"Fine, FINE!" She knelt down so Frodo could scramble onto her back. "Crybaby," she muttered sourly.

"Oh, Draco," Megan sighed, leaning over to attach herself to his arm. "And Oliver!" she added, pulling him over to her other side.

"He's MINE!" Renee called from the back of the Fellowship.

"Mine!" Megan's voice responded.

"Please…PLEASE, DON'T START! END THE FIGHTING!" Boromir sobbed, hugging Gimli close.

There was an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air. Then Renee broke it. "MINE!" she yelled.

Just then, she ran into a tree. "Ow! Hey…how did a tree get out into the middle of the desert?" she looked glanced around her. "Oh…" They had reached a forest.

"Hmmm…" Megan contemplated. "I hear drums. And they sound much better than our battery too. I say…we go get some orcs to play in our band!"

"The orcs are many miles away." Aragorn led the way into the forest. "We shall fight them early tomorrow."

"All right, get off." Renee dropped Frodo on the ground. "I'm just glad the desert part is over with now."

"Come, Renee-chan." Haldir said to Renee. "You shall practice some more."

"Will I get my sword?"

"If you can catch the fly."

"Sweet!" Renee followed Haldir to the deserted cliff.

"I'm a little teapot, short and *hic*!" Ewan fell out of the tree he was in, landing on Draco.

"OW!" Draco yelped. "Get off me, you big log!"

"…Where am I?" Ewan got up and looked around.

"I dunno." Oliver walked up. "How wasted were we five minutes ago?"

"Dude I…dunno." Ewan blinked.

"¬.¬ Er…yeah." Draco walked over to the campfire where Megan, Sami, Merry, and Pippin were all playing cards. "Can I join in?"

"The cards don't explode," Sami told him.

"Sure. You'll have to slap in though." Merry said, taking a card sandwich. "It's called Egyptian Rats."

"Why would anyone name a game after such foul creatures?" Draco folded his arms, but before he could say anything else, Legolas came out of the woods, followed by a hysterical Link.

"Now what?" Sami looked up.

"T.T I got a really bad rash!" Legolas started crying, walking rather oddly.

"Um…that's gross…" Megan made a face.

"Go ask Sam for some herbs or talk to Aragorn." Pippin looked at the whining Elf. "What did you do, anyway?"

"T.T That's personal!!"

"He dragged me into the woods since he can't go to the bathroom by himself because he's afraid of raccoons so the dumbass went on a patch of poison ivy, and he's been complaining ever since," Link quickly explained.

"T.T WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Legolas started crying…yet again…

"X.X EEEEEEEEEEW!" Megan and Sami shrieked.

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

"Now, Renee-chan." Haldir once again held out his hand. "Concentrate."

Renee stared hard at Haldir's hand, watching the fly's every move. "Be one with the fly…" She slowly closed her eyes. The forest stood silent for ten minutes…then Renee's hand finally shot forth.

"Well done, Renee-chan." Haldir nodded.

"Wow!" Renee looked proudly at the fly crawling around in her hand. "I did it…"

"You have earned your sword, Renee-sama." Haldir handed her a bag with Samurai robes and a specially crafted Elvish Samurai sword. "But you still have a lot of work to do."

"Yes, Haldir-sama. Thank you." They bowed, Renee hopping off to change.

..::+*~¦««-¤-»»¦~*+::..

A/N: WARNING! WARNING! MILD SLASH AHEAD!

"Hey! Look at this!" Merry dragged Sami over to a big tree. "Watch!" He pointed to Gimli and Boromir, who were behind some bushes.

"Merry, that's too freaky." Sami looked over at the hobbit.

"It's funny!" he grinned. "Listen!!" He and Sami leaned closer and peered around the tree to spy on the couple.

"Boromir, I love you!"

"Gimli! I love you too!! Will you marry me?" Boromir dropped to one knee, holding out a small black box.

"Argh! I will!" Gimli exclaimed, bursting into tears. He and Boromir started to make out.

"X.X Merry get me _out _of here_ NOW_!!" Sami's hand flew to her mouth. Merry grabbed her and ran back to camp. "…Renee?" Sami blinked.

"Hey!" Renee waved. She was wearing her new white Samurai robes with her sword resting on a log. "I passed!!"

"Nifty-spiff!" Sami sat down. "Where's Megan?"

"She's off practicing spells with Draco." Pippin poked a stick in the fire. "Mmm…marshmallows."

"Hey, have you guys seen Gollum anywhere?" Katie walked up, Link behind her.

"And where have _you_ been?" Pippin smiled sweetly.

"¯o¯ None of your business." Katie folded her arms.

"Harhar." Sami sat down by the fire, picking up the bag of marshmallows. "How's Legolas doing? Any worse?"

"He's sitting in a bucket of hot water." Frodo handed Renee a stick. "Roast me a marshmallow."

"Roast your own!"

"ARA—" Frodo began, but Renee grabbed the stick.

"Geez." Renee started roasting him the marshmallow. "Anything else, King Frodo?"

"I thought Aragorn was king though…" Pippin whispered to Merry.

"Make me one of those cookie sandwiches." Frodo was referring to a s'more.

"Yano I was being sarcastic."

"AAARAAA—" *SLAP*

"Katie!!" Merry's eyes grew wide. "Nice one!"

"…Why'd you do that?" Frodo's eyes swelled up with tears.

"You were being too mean!" Katie shook her finger at him. "Just 'cause you're Ringbearer doesn't give you the right to boss people around."

"T.T I'm sorry!" Frodo sobbed. "I won't do it again!" he promised.

"It's okay," Katie patted his head. "Now eat your s'more and thank Renee."

"Thanks, Renee!" Frodo chirped, chomping on the s'more. Renee moved away from him.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A loud scream came from the woods. Oliver and Ewan ran by. Then a nude Legolas appeared, chasing them.

"HOLY GONDOR!!!!!!!" Renee whipped out her Elven camera, taking pictures.

"They poured alcohol in the tub!" Legolas stopped next to the campfire, breathing hard. "SOMEBODY GET THEM!!"

"Yeah…okay, we'll do that. Now go put some clothes on. There are girls present." Merry poked the fire with a stick with his billionth marshmallow.

"Huh?" Legolas blinked and looked at Katie, Sami, and Renee. "AAAH!" He ran back into the woods screaming some more.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Oliver and Ewan were rolling with laughter.

"He gone yet?" Katie peeked out from behind her hands."

"Yeah." Merry dropped the burning stick.

"Hey guys!" Megan came trotting toward them. "I learned some spells!"

"Cool. You just missed Legolas naked." Pippin looked up at her.

"WHAT?!" Megan ran about flailing her arms. "I MISSED IT?!"

"Here!" Renee handed her a stack of photos. "I got pictures!"

"Thou shall not see Legolas naked!" Aragorn snatched away the pictures and stuffed them in his pocket. He hoped no one noticed this.

"Awww…I always miss the good stuff." Megan pouted.

"Who hit Mr. Frodo?" Sam pulled out his pitchfork.

"Just a _little_ too slow, Sam," Renee snickered.

"Sméagol!" Gollum dropped down out of the trees. He had war paint on his face and was dressed in camo.

"Let me guess. He's practicing guerilla warfare." Sami shook her head.

"He's so gross!" Draco sneered. "And ugly."

"No he's not! He's cute!" Katie cradled Gollum in her arms. "^σ^ And nowhere near icky!"

"…Katie, you're creepy." Megan attached herself to Oliver.

"Hey! That's mine!" Renee tugged at Oliver.

"Dude, I'm popular!" Oliver grinned.

"Ewan!" Sami jumped on him, hugging him tightly. "All mine! MINE!"

"Oh sure. Ditch the hobbit," Pippin grumbled.

"You're mine too!" Renee glomped Pippin.

"_This_ hobbit is cuter!" Frodo shouted.

"Hey guys!" Boromir and Gimli walked up. "We have an important announcement to make here!"

"Huh?" The Fellowship stopped fighting and looked at them.

"Well…" Boromir looked at Gimli and took his hand. "We're engaged!"

"Argh." Gimli held out his hand, showing a pretty ring.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Fellowship, save Katie and Gollum, fled.

"^σ^ Congratulations!!" Katie cheered

"Yeses! Congratses!" Gollum added.

"…Guys?" Sami blinked.

"You gotta be supportive here, guys!" Katie nodded.

"u.u Oh, all right," Sami sighed.

"CONGRATULATIONS! YAY!" The Fellowship exclaimed at once, except for Draco, who sat there looking utterly disgusted.

"We're getting married once we reach the nearest town," Boromir announced.

"Argh. Must buy new dress," Gimli grunted.

"…I'm scarred for life," Sami whispered to Renee.

"Same here," she replied.

***

"Dude, this sun is murder." #3 said to #5.

"Yeah, but look at our tans!" #7 grinned. "We look great!"

"Yeah, you said it!" #8 took a long drink of his Crystal Light® lemonade.

"Thems Powerpuff Girls is gonna fry like bacon!" Larry proclaimed.

"Dude…just shut up," #1 said.

***

They camped out in the woods that night, Katie and Link off somewhere that no one else knew of, Renee training more with Haldir, Gimli and Boromir frolicking in the woods, Merry and Pippin off to spy on them, and the rest just sitting by the fire.

"Wow, I'm bored," Sami said.

"Yeah, we need something to do. Hmmm…maybe my plot—"Megan began.

"No, I'm not _that_ bored," said Sami.

"Awww…" Megan looked at her pleadingly.

Renee, Haldir, Katie, and Link returned then.

"Hey! I've thought of something!" Sami exclaimed.

"What?" Ewan asked her.

"What sort of sound does a bottle of glue make when it gets struck by lightning?"

"O.o ………What??"

"I think it would make a noise like 'pffffffffffftttttttttlllllllllll,' " she continued.

"No, I think it would be more like 'sssssscccchhhhlluuuuuuuurrppa,' " Renee told her.

"Oh."

"O.o…not asking," Link said. "Come on Katie, let's go back to…exploring _that_ side of the forest now…^σ^" he winked.

"Yeah, 'explore' huh?" Pippin asked, he and Merry back from their spy trip. "Then can we come too?"

"NO!" Katie and Link said at the same time.

"Ouch, that hurt, Pip," Merry said.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Renee burst out laughing.

Everyone stared quizzically at her.

"Okay, okay, this is a good one," she said. "What do you call Legolas in the freezer?"

The Fellowship kept staring.

"A FROSTED FLAKE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"HAHA!" Link pointed at Legolas, who was scratching his butt at the moment.

"I don't get it…" Legolas murmured. "Will someone come over here and scratch my back?"

Renee went over and scratched his poison ivy rash. "Jesus Christ! Not only did you wipe your ass with the stuff, you also used it as a loofah with your pear-scented soap?!"

"…Maybe," Legolas said. He quickly hid a pear-soap-covered leaf behind him.

"Geez…" Renee sighed and rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, Sami was taking Megan's Plothole-in-a-Box and opening it up. She reached inside.

Megan whirled around, spotting her. "Hey!" she exclaimed. "Hypocrite!!"

Sami stuck her tongue out and continued to root around inside the plothole. She finally found what she was looking for, and pulled out…Orlando Bloom!

"OoOoOoOoO!" Renee ran over.

"Nope, nope!" Sami told her. "You've got Legolas and Pippin over there! Orli and Ewan are _mine_!!"

Renee sulked for a minute. "Oh, fine," she agreed. Her face brightened and she said, "I'm getting Oliver!!" She dashed off.

Megan gasped. "Noooooo!" cried, racing after her.

"Hey," Legolas said, glancing up at Orlando. "He looks like me, only I'm prettier."

"Covered in poison ivy, you're not!" Sami looked at Katie. "You wanna explain it?"

"Nah, we'll let 'em figure it out themselves," she replied. "I'm going to go find Link now…"


	14. Fourteen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Fourteen

"Draaaaaacoooo," Megan whined. "They stole my plothole! And my Oliver!"

Draco gave her a Look. "Like I care," he retorted.

"Without the plothole, you're never getting back to Hogwarts."

"…FINE!" Draco stormed up to Sami, grabbed the plothole, and shoved it back in Megan's hands. "HERE!"

"Geez! Someone's got a stick shoved up their ass!" Ewan nudged Oliver.

"Or a _broomstick_," Megan snickered.

"EEEEEEEEEWW!" Sami, Renee, and Katie made a face.

"…I don't get it." Orli blinked.

"Like your onscreen counterpart, eh?" Renee muttered in an undertone to Sami.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas pointed and laughed.

"Shut up blondie, you don't get it either," Link snapped.

"Who you calling blondie, blondie?" Legolas jeered.

"Chill guys," Orli held back the bickering Elves. They stopped fighting and pouted.

"…Well, he started it," Legolas grumbled.

"I did _not_!! He di—"

"ENOUGH!!" Sami thundered, lightning flashing everywhere.

"EEEEEE!" Legolas hid behind Renee and started scratching himself again.

"Whoa…" Renee blinked. "That's cool."

"I know." Sami went back to normal.

"Will someone explain to me what's going on?" Orli blinked. "Ewan?"

"Hey!" Ewan waved from the tree, then fell out. Oliver started laughing, but then fell on top of him.

"What's with you?" Orli blinked again.

"YOU CAN'T BLINK TWICE! THAT'S MY JOB!" Link screeched.

"Link, shut up." Pippin rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell _me_ to shut up, shorty!"

"Who you callin' shorty, shorty?" snickered Pippin.

"Kaaaaaaatie!" Link whimpered, running off.

"HAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"Hey, you broke a nail." Merry pointed to his left hand.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Legolas cried. By now, Sami had explained everything about their story to Orlando.

"That's weird." He blinked again.

"HEY!!"

"LINK, SHUT UP!" Sami yelled to him.

"Dude! It's like…an ostrich!" Oliver pointed to a large black thingy with huge white eyes.

"That's a monster!" Legolas shrieked.

"Wait…I've seen this before…" Sami thought hard. "Hey! It's that platypus monster!"

"Then that means…" Megan grinned.

"Hiyah!" A kid with a broom jumped out and hit the monster with a broom. Injured, the platypus went back in the water.

"SHINNOSUKE!!" Megan, Katie, and Sami all grabbed him and started fighting.

"He's mine!" Megan tugged his arm.

"No! You have enough guys!" Sami pulled his legs.

"You both just got new guys! I want one too!!" Katie pulled his other arm.

"No more people!" Renee shrieked. "We're overloaded enough as it is!"

"Oh, come on!" Katie, Megan, and Sami pleaded.

"Yeah! Megan has more than me!" Sami swatted at Megan and Katie with a stick.

"You both have more than me! I want him!" Katie chucked the stick, Sam chasing after it.

"What about me?" Link said quietly.

"……Good point." Katie let go and ran off with Link into the woods again. "You two can have him!" she called back.

"Yay!" Megan and Sami cheered.

"You shouldn't stay here! This place it dangerous and covered with monster traps!" He took a step forward and fell in a trap, getting hit in the head by a bunch of rocks.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed for the millionth time.

"This place smells horrible." Draco held his nose. "And I am _NOT_ walking through this marsh."

"Yes you are!" Oliver shoved him. Draco crashed into Megan, who fell on Sami , who knocked over Sam, who made the rest of the Fellowship fall.

"OW!" Frodo rubbed his head. "SAM!"

"Sorry, Mr. Frodo!" Sam bowed, kissing Frodo's feet.

"Darling, are you all right?" Boromir hugged Gimli.

"x.x Ew.' Megan gagged. "…Why are we in a bowl?"

"It looks more like a catapult," Merry commented.

"Pikachu!" A small yellow horror sat nibbling on the ropes.

"NO, DON'T!!" the Fellowship screamed.

"^○^ Pika!" It bit through the rope, launching the Fellowship all the way to the Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo, the one located in Middle-Earth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" The Fellowship plummeted down, some landing in Springs, some in other places.

"HELP!" Legolas had landed in a large bush of poison oak.

"Ow. Ew." Frodo landed face first in a pile of pika-poo.

"Welcome to Jusenkyo Springs of Middle-Earth." Haldir read the sign.

"Jusenkyo?" Frodo looked at the sign.

"Woo! That was fun!" Ewan popped up out of one of the Springs. "Dude…I feel weird."

"That's because you fell in the Spring of Drowned Cat," Haldir read. "Happen 5,000 year ago. Very tragic story. You take shape of cat."

"Kitty!!" Katie waved her arms, which didn't go very far. "MEEP!"

"You fell in Spring of Drowned Gopher. Happen 3,000 year ago. Very tragic story."

"…A _GOPHER_?!" Gopher-Katie scampered about, squealing.

"It beats being a _squirrel_," Squirrel-Link grumbled.

"I can fly! Sweet!" Hawk-Orli circled the sky a couple of times, then landed on Haldir's shoulder.

"HAHAHAHA!" Ewan pointed at Draco.

"Shut up."

"Spring of Drowned Goldfish. Happen 2,000 year ago. Very stupid story."

"That accent is weird," Orli said from Haldir's shoulder. "And…drowned goldfish?!"

"I know, but the sign says I must."

"Help!!" Ewan cried. "Oliver!!"

"…That's a _lawn gnome_!" Boromir exclaimed.

"Dude…I know!" Oliver grinned. He was floating on his back in the water. "Er…a little help here guys?"

"Sméagol!" Gollum lifted him out of the water and dumped him on the shore.

"Lucky!" Renee jumped ashore, never landing in a spring.

"Oh yeah?" Merry dashed by, chasing Pippin. He accidentally knocked Renee into the water. "Ooooooops!"

"You still have much training, young grasshopper." Haldir bowed.

"That's mean!" Grasshopper-Renee chirped.

"Sorry, not even I could resist," Haldir chuckled, walking back to the sign.

"Shinnosuke's gone!" Megan and Sami cried at the same time.

"…Where's Sam?" Aragorn said, browsing through a brochure about the Springs.

"I can't swim!!" Sam was flailing in a two-inch deep puddle.

"Spring of Drowned Pikachu," Haldir recited. "Happen five minutes ago. Not-so-very-tragic story…"

"Ew, it's still there!" Katie pointed at the Pikachu.

"Er…how do we change _back_?" Goldfish-Draco flopped around a bit.

"Hot water." Katie sat gnawing at a walnut.

"You're not doing that right."

" 'Scuse me, Squirrel-Boy!" Gopher-Katie bopped Squirrel-Link with the nut.

"OoO, lunch!" Hawk-Orli grinned.

"EEE!" The rodents ran under a rock.

"Just kidding!"

"Haldir," Grasshopper-Renee chirped. "Can we have some hot water now?"

"Sure, they can, but you can't."

"WHAT?!"

"You shall stay a grasshopper for training. You will get a new perspective of the world this way."

"HAHAHAHA!" Kitty-Ewan and Lawn-Gnome-Oliver laughed.

"Shut up!" Renee screeched. "But what if I'm squished?! T.T"

"I don't know…stay away from people's feet, I guess," Haldir replied.

"Can we keep Sam as a Pikachu?" Katie asked. "I know I've got a Pikachu-Bat™ somewhere," she added.

"^_^ That would be fun!" Dog-Sami said. "Hey! I'm a dog now! HEY! CAT!!" She chased after Ewan.

"Mroooooow!"

"Sami, no, _heel_!!" Haldir barked. He threw a bucket of hot water on her.

"But you're not supposed to bark." Sami stopped and looked up. "Only I can bark." She blinked.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Hey Katie!" Grasshopper-Renee said.

"Whadda-what?" Gopher-Katie looked around. "Oh, there you are!"

"Funny. Anyway, remember that one book you were reading and you kept saying 'You rape girl! You go hell!' "

"Uh…yeah…"

"Okay, just wondering!"

The Fellowship stared.

"What?" Grasshopper-Renee asked.

They kept on staring.

"You guys are good at that, aren't you," she said.

"Yeah, guess so," Aragorn replied.

Over in the corner, a normal Orli was pulling on Legolas's ears and hair.

"You know the hell I went through to get these on?! I HATE THEM!!" Orli screamed.

"T.T OW! LEGGO! THEY'RE REAL!" Legolas yelled.

"Give—me—that—wig!!"

"IT'S NOT A WIG!"

"Dude…Orli, chill out…come, have a drink with us," Kitty-Ewan said in a singsong voice.

"Ohhh! Absinthe!"

"Yeah, that's it," the Lawn Gnome-Oliver said. "Er…can I have some hot water? I can't drink properly as a lawn gnome."

"Trust a Gryffindor to drink himself to death," Goldfish-Draco muttered.

"Hey Draco?" Oliver asked.

"What?"

"If you wanted to turn back, you would need hot water, right?"

"…Yeah…"

"Well, doesn't hot water boil fish?"

"……………Um, Haldir?"

"Don't ask me, I just read the signs."

"X.X I'M DOOMED! DOOMED TO BE A FISH FOREVER!!"

"Don't worry, we'll tell you if you taste good with ketchup," Sami told him.

"SHIT!" Orli suddenly yelled.

"What?!" the Fellowship asked in unison.

"T.T I think I'm getting poison oak."

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Legolas laughed.

"Shut up you flake!!" Orli screamed.

"Oh, okay." Legolas went off and cried.

"Here, I'll help you," Sami said.

"Thanks, love," Orli sighed as she reached over and scratched his back.

"OHHH!" Grasshopper-Renee chirped.

"What?" Orli blinked.

"ORLI!!" Link's voice shouted.

"Dude, shut up! Yes love?" He looked around for Renee.

"I love it when you do that," Renee said dreamily.

"Do what, love?"

"THAT!"

"Which is what, love?"

"_THAT_!!" Grasshopper-Renee screamed.

"And that is what, lo—"

"WHEN YOU SAY 'LOVE!'" Sami finally shrieked.

"Oh, okay love," Orli said.

"Renee, he's _mine_!" yelled Sami.

"Trade you for him!"

"Hmm…who?"

"Um…Draco?"

"But he's MINE!!" A Snake-Megan poked her head out of a Spring.

"u.u I know, but I don't want to give up any guys though."

"¯o¯ Then, no, you can't have him!" Sami said.

"What if I just take him?"

"Then I'll step on you."

Grasshopper-Renee stuck her tongue (or something that was assumed to be a tongue) out. "Poo."

"The hot springs are over there." Haldir pointed to the sign.

"Yay! ¡Peina el cesped!" Gopher-Katie dragged her backpack up towards the hill.

"…He combs the grass?" Orli was about to blink, but Squirrel-Link blinked first.

"HA!! I blinked _first_!!"

"…Dude, that's pathetic." Kitty-Ewan was trotting toward the hot spring, carting Lawn-Gnome-Oliver on his back.

"It is not," Link whined.

"Link, you're starting to sound like _Legolas_." Snake-Megan sat coiled up on a rock. "So shut up."

"Ack!" Link dashed off to find his _Legolas Jokes_ book.

"^○^ Hi!" Katie came back, munching on a handful of Chex Mix®. "Who's got the plothole?"

"It's mine!" Megan hissed.

"Oh, gimme, Snake-Girl!" Katie snatched the box from Snake-Megan, now a cobra.

"Hey!" Snake-Megan pouted. "Why's everyone taking my plothole?"

"'Cause Gandalf's not here," Katie said.

"And I can't find my Elvish book either," Sami added.

Katie stuck her hand inside the plothole.

"_NO MORE PEOPLE_!!!" the Fellowship screamed at her simultaneously.

"¯o¯ I'm _not_!" Katie pulled her hand out.

"…What the hell is _that_?" Grasshopper-Renee hopped up and down to see it.

"It's a mercury djinn! ^○^" Katie held out the little blue thing that was barely bigger than her hand.

"It's ugly," Draco sneered, once again a human.

"Bad move." Ivan jumped out of the plothole and shut it.

"Why?" Draco turned up his nose.

"Who you callin' ugly, _ugly_?" The blue thing slammed into Draco's face, sending him flying fifty feet into a tree. The Fellowship winced.

"…You didn't…" Oliver shuddered in terror.

"^○^ Yep! Guys, meet Dew!" Katie pointed to the blue thing chasing Legolas about.

"T.T GET IT OFF!" Legolas shrieked, swatting at Dew. Reaching up, Katie caught Dew and shoved her in a flowerpot.

"You know that thing is pure _evil_!" Merry was busy hitting Orli with a stick. Orli broke the stick and Merry ran away.

"And Sam isn't? ^○^ Besides, Dew's cool!"

"You like queer stuff." Legolas flipped open his compact and began applying another layer of foundation to his face.

"T.T Renee, Legolas is being meeeean…"

"Legolas, be nice, or we'll poor absinthe on your poison whatever." Boromir and Gimli came out of the woods, Pippin following them.

"Hey! You took my camera!" Renee folded her arms.

"Yeah, but look what I got with it!!" He held up several pictures of Boromir and Gimli kissing.

"Eeeeeeeew!" Megan covered her eyes.

Aragorn cleared his throat. "If you all have changed back, we shall now move forward." He floated past everyone.

"Yeah." Frodo pulled out a list. "I'm taking attendance. Just say 'here' when I call your name!" He looked at the list. "Boromir 'n' Gimli?"

"Huh?" They looked up from making out again.

Frodo rolled his eyes and read on. "Legolas 'n' Orlando?"

"Here!"

"Here, love."

"EW!"

"Oh, shut up."

"Sami and Renee!"

"Over here!"

"And here!"

"Merry and Pippin!"

"…They're chasing the ducks."

"Oliver and Ewan!"

"They're eating the ducks."

"Haldir and Gollum?"

"Here, Frodo-sama."

"Hereses, sir!"

"Link and Katie?"

"Guess." Pippin snickered.

"O.o Right…Draco and Megan?"

"What?" Draco looked up from kicking a duck into the hot spring.

"Hi Frodo!" Megan waved.

"Hey, babe." Frodo winked. He checked the list again. "Aragorn and the new kid?"

"I am here. Believe in me…" Aragorn floated around some more.

"Um…here…" Ivan shrugged.

"And Blue-Thing?" Frodo asked.

Dew screeched from inside her flowerpot.

"Okay! That's everyone, let's go!" Frodo folded up the list and put it away.

"What about _me_?!" Sam, whom Haldir had changed back to a hobbit, jumped around. No one cared.


	15. Fifteen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Fifteen

Another Disclaimer: Do not own Fellowship yet. Do not own Wal*Mart either. T.T

"Dude…we're lost." #3 looked around.

"It's them Powerpuff Girls!" Larry hollered. "They got us lost!"

"Will you shut up about the Powerpuff Girls? It's cramping my style." #8 adjusted his shades once again.

"You ain't got no style!!" Larry grumbled.

"Oh yeah? Watch!" #8 popped a Mentos into his mouth. Immediately, screaming Elf-girls flocked to him.

"You learned that from the Bishounen gods!" the wraiths fell to the ground. "Hail Yomato! Hail Satoshi!"

"Thems ain't gods!"

"Larry, you're a big fuzzy pink thing with antennas. Shut up."

***

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!!" Dew sang loud and clear, while all of the Fellowship covered their ears.

"Will somebody _please_ shut her up?!" Boromir groaned. Katie pulled out her remote and hit the mute button.

"Finally!" Frodo sighed.

" / " Dew, unable to sing, crashed into Orli's head and started pecking at him.

"Make—ow—her—ow—_stop_—ow!!" He swatted at his head.

"Give her bacon," Ivan suggested. Orli pulled out a package of bacon and gave it to Dew, who flew off to catch up with Katie.

"Thanks." Dew clicked the mute button again.

"Can I have a piece?" Pippin reached out his hand.

"NO!" Dew screeched, spitting a water attack at him.

"Geez!" Pippin hid behind Renee. "What's with her?"

"She's Dew." Ivan shrugged.

"Yeah…" Sami was riding on Ewan's back again.

"Hey…does anyone know where we're at?" Megan asked.

"Don't end sentences with prepositions," Renee told her.

"Oh, shut up."

"The ducks at the map," Oliver pointed to the ducks.

"Stupid waterfowl!" Draco kicked the ducks again.

"Oh, great, we're lost!" Sami cried out.

"I am the way, the truth, and the life…" Aragorn floated down the road.

"Follow Jesus?" Renee suggested.

"Sure, why not?" Sami said.

The Fellowship started forward. They walked for a while, when they all of the sudden stopped.

"What…is…that?" Draco asked.

A big white rabbit, which looked frighteningly like the Easter bunny at the mall, ran past them. "Late, oh no, I'm late for the tea party!"

Y'all have tea parties in Middle-Earth?" Katie asked.

"Uh…sure?" Pippin said.

"Whoa, this is way too _Alice in Wonderland_ for me," said Renee.

However, the Fellowship went running after the rabbit.

"You realize now that we're probably going to fall down a hole and end up in Gondor knows wh—AAAAAAAAH!!" Megan screamed.

The Fellowship fell down a huge hole. They were falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, and falling.

"OUCH!" The Fellowship landed in a big heap right outside WHS.

"Dude, we're home!" Renee said.

"Does this mean we have to go back to school?" Sami asked.

The foreign Fellowship looked around, amazed.

"Whoa…" Legolas was overwhelmed. "Is that…a hair-styling place?"

"Oh Gondor…" The rest of the Company rolled their eyes.

"A CHURCH!! ♥__♥" Aragorn bellowed and ran to the Chicken Church.

"Hey, I think I need to go to Wal*Mart and get some more stuff for my bag," Katie said.

"What's…Wal*Mart?" Pippin asked.

"Hehe, just follow us, you'll find out."

So, the Fellowship started walking to Wal*Mart. The Middle-Earthlings were captivated along the way, wishing they had about ten eyes each.

"Ohh! Another church!!" Aragorn exclaimed.

"Master Cuts!! Let's go there!!" Legolas added.

"Come on Legolas." Renee dragged him along. "There's a place inside Wal*Mart with plenty of hair-care products."

"OoOoOoOoO!" he cried, running ahead.

"Wait, wait!" Sami called to him. "Don't get lost!"

"Hey you guys?" Megan spoke up. "There's no way we're going to keep the entire Fellowship together in Wal*Mart," she pointed out, "so I think we should just tell them not to talk to anyone."

" 'Kay," the other girls agreed.

"HEY EVERYONE!" Katie yelled. "Don't talk to anyone in Wal*Mart, all right? Even if they talk to you first."

"Isn't that rude?" asked Orli.

"Well, yeah. But we can't run the risk of too many of you being seen and recognized," Sami explained. "Which reminds me, you guys better wear these." She whipped out twenty-one pairs of sunglasses. "The foolproof disguise! XD" she said, putting a pair on.

They had now reached the doors of Wal*Mart. The hobbits and Legolas were at the head of the group, so they stepped in front of the doors, which slid open automatically.

"AIEEEEE!" Legolas shrieked, running to the back of the group. "They move by _themselves_!!"

"Welcome to 2002, C.E.," Sami told him.

"Argh. I can buy me dress." Gimli grunted, heading to the plus sizes in the women's section with Boromir holding his hand.

"Hi, welcome to Wal*Mart." Brandon greeted them.

"I DON'T KNOW HIM!!" Katie shrieked, running towards the electronics section.

"Er…right…" Renee followed Legolas to the hair-care section.

"*○* OH MY GOSH!!" Legolas's eyes lit up the moment he saw everything. "Suave®, Aussie®, Pantene Pro-V®, Finesse®, Herbal Essences®!! WAIIIIIII!" he started grabbing armfuls of bottles off the shelves and dumping them in a cart.

"Dude! Look at _this_!!" Ewan held up a thong.

"LISSE'!!" Oliver chucked a handful into a shopping cart.

"Why are you two raiding the underwear department?" Link blinked.

"…I dunno…" Oliver put some more crap in the cart. "Go yell at Gimli, _he's_ the one walking around in women's lingerie!"

"I don't want to be here." Draco crossed his arms.

"Oh, just try this on. Please?" Megan begged, holding out some leather clothing.

"…No."

"_Please_?!"

"No."

"_PLEASE_?!?!"

"…FINE!!" Draco grumbled, taking the clothes and walking into the dressing room. "I can't believe I'm doing this…"

"Can I have this?" Sami held up a shirt.

"Sure, love." Orli nodded. Sami chucked it in the cart and picked up a CD.

"What about this?" she asked.

"Sure, love. Whatever you want." He smiled at her.

"SAM!!" Frodo cried out. "Where are you?!" He was apparently lost. "T.T Someone help me!!" Frodo ran in circles frantically.

"Hey there, sonny," The Wal*Mart Smiley Face® floated up wearing his Zorro® mask. "What's wrong?"

"T.T I'm lost!!"

"Follow me then, sonny." The talking yellow dot escorted Frodo to the back of the store into the Garden Department.

"Sam!" Frodo cried.

"Hi, Mr. Frodo!" Sam was looking at new pitchforks.

"Thank you smiling yellow thing!" Frodo waved.

"Outta my way!! Move it or lose it, pal!!" Dew shoved her way through Wal*Mart, making her way toward the bacon section.

"^^; Dew, slow down!" Ivan sweat-dropped. "I don't think this is a good idea…"

"Shaddap and do what yer told!" Dew snapped.

"Hey! Don't snap at Ivan!!" Katie ran up with a shopping cart. She picked up Ivan and shoved him in the cart, dashing down the aisles again.

"Yay! Draco!" Megan hugged the leather-clad _Harry Potter_ character.

"¬.¬ This is stupid," he muttered.

"Sméagol!" Gollum was busy checking out the new guns.

"Do not overload yourself." Haldir sat down on a bench and began to meditate.

"Buyses!" Gollum told the salesperson.

"Uh…okay…" He handed Gollum some more ammo and a few shotguns.

"HI!" Oliver waved, stumbling around with Ewan, slamming into various shelves. "WOOO! That's some good stuff!"

"Yeah, *hic*, you said it!" Ewan fell over.

"…What's with them?" Merry looked at Pippin.

"Drunk, I guess," Pippin shoved some more Pokémon toys in a shopping cart.

"Have this," Aragorn handed Pippin a book and floated off. "Rejoice…"

"O.o…thank you?" Pippin raised an eyebrow, looking at the book.

"It's a Bible," Merry told him, taking the book and chucking it into the cart.

"Is there anything else I can get you, love?" Orli asked, pushing three shopping carts behind Sami.

"Well…" She looked around.

"OoO! What do you think?" Legolas ran about wearing a blue bikini. "It's my perfect color!!"

"Legolas, go put clothes on!!" Renee chased him through the aisles.

"Argh." Gimli grunted. "I'm sexy. Sexy maaaaaaaan!" He started dancing.

"X.X That's _too_ disturbing." Megan shuddered after seeing Gimli's immoral dance. Grabbing Draco, she ran off to some other section.

"Put that in the cart." Dew ordered, perched on Link's head.

"Why?"

"Don't make me hurt you…" Dew growled.

"T.T Katie, _help_!!!!!!!" Link screamed.

"What?" Katie popped up out of nowhere. "/ Dew…"

"Aw, forget it." Dew flew off to crash into some stupid person.

"Hey…can we go get cars?" Ewan grinned devilishly.

"Thou shall not drink and drive!" Aragorn commanded.

"Yeah!" Oliver nodded. "We might spill our drinks!"

"…XD We'll get cupholders!" Ewan ran his cart into a checkout.

"O.o How are we going to pay for it all?" Megan asked, watching Draco kick a shopping cart into a row.

"XD Watch!" Ewan waved his hand in front of the cashier. "We can have our stuff for free."

"@.@ You can have the stuff for freeeee…" the cashiers chanted as their eyes glazed over.

"Woo! Go Ewan!" Sami cheered.

"Argh! Wedding in St. Louis!" Gimli announced.

"O.o How do you know about St. Louis if you haven't heard of Waterloo?" Katie blinked.

"XD Who _HAS_ heard of Waterloo?" Link snickered.

"x.x…Good point."


	16. Sixteen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Sixteen

***

"_Now_ where are we?" Some Orc asked Some Guy.

"We're an orc biker gang in Waterloo." Some Guy replied. "We have to hunt down the Fellowship."

"Oh yeah. We've picked up transmissions from a Wal*Mart. They're headed to St. Louis. Let's go."

***

"Buy this car and I'll eat a bug!" Salesman Pikachu sat on the counter.

"XD Lisse'!" Ewan grinned. "We'll take…that one!"

"Okay!" Pikachu ate the bug that Link threw that was still in Gimli's beard in Moria.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed, hopping in the car. "Hey, Midgets, c'mon!" Oliver waved to Merry and Pippin, who jumped into the back.

"Uh-oh…" Frodo looked at his sword. It was glowing blue again. "Trouble…"

"Gah! Everyone in the car!" Orli shoved Sami, Renee, Draco, Legolas, and Megan into a Camaro and took off after Boromir, Gimli, Aragorn, Frodo, and Sam in their 1982 Ford POS.

"Meep! Orc bikers!" Katie pointed behind her.

"Turn around!" Link hissed, stepping on the gas.

"Don't get us killed!" Haldir sat in the back of the convertible with Ivan and Gollum.

"FIRE!" Some Orc yelled. The bikers started shooting at the cars.

"HELP!" Megan, Sami, Renee, and Legolas shrieked.

"Sméagol!" Gollum peeked over the backseat and started to shoot the bikers with his brand-new sniper rifle.

"I'm hit!" An orc fell back, but was soon replaced by another one.

"Our wedding is going to be ruined!!" Boromir cried.

"Crap!!" Frodo jumped in the front seat and started driving since Boromir was sobbing into Gimli's shoulder. "Sam, get up here and hit the pedals! I can't reach 'em!"

"Yes, Mr. Frodo!" Sam crawled under the dashboard and sat on the accelerator.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas screamed.

"/ Oh, shut up!" Dew sat on the steering wheel, getting in Orli's way.

"AHHHHHH!" the orcs screamed.

"………oh no………" Katie grumbled.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ewan, Oliver, Merry, and Pippin laughed.

"Cloud, go away!! p" Katie stuck her tongue out at Cloud, who was busy chasing orcs on his motorcycle and whacking them with a sword.

"Shut up!" Cloud snapped, stealing stuff from the orcs.

"Katie, you play _way_ too many games!" Megan called from her car.

"XD So?…Hey, we made it to the bridge! Hurry!" Katie pointed. Cloud got bored and drove off, and the orcs began gaining on them again.

"Sméagol!" Gollum whipped out his machine guns and, jumping on the back of the car, he unleashed his wrath on the orcs.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The orcs all fell back.

"Aw, nuts," Some Orc grumped to Some Guy.

"Hurray!" The flies in a spider web cheered.

"…Okay, that's freaky." Link blinked.

"So now what?" Renee asked.

"Argh! Mall! Need dress!" Gimli grunted. They were now at the South County Mall.

"No, we're _not_ gonna do this…" Renee protested, getting out of the car.

"Yes, we are!" Boromir growled.

"AWWWW NO!!" The Fellowship groaned.

"¯o¯ Might as well fulfill his final wishes," Sami muttered.

"What about the orcs?" Megan pointed out.

"We'll get back to the school in time," Ivan assured her. All of the sudden, Gimli stomped up in a kilt.

"Hey, a baby!" Gimli looked at Ivan. "I'm gonna eat yeh!" I'm bigger than yeh, I'm higher in the food chain! GET IN MAH BELLEH!!"

"Gimli!" Katie admonished, cradling Ivan. "Don't taunt him like that!" Renee, Sami, and Megan started laughing.

"x.x Ow. Can't breathe!" Ivan gasped. Katie let him go and he ran behind her.

"Gimli's just hungry, that's all!" Boromir hugged Gimli.

"I want my babyback, babyback, babyback riiiiiiiiiibs…" Gimli danced and sang.

"Well, we can—ORC!!" Orli pointed.

"Huh?" Boromir turned around. "They followed us here!"

"Guess we're fighting the orcs at South County!" Renee drew her sword.

"Attack!" Random Orc shouted, and they all charged at the Fellowship.

"Meep!!" Katie grabbed a water bottle. "We gossa fight! C'mon Ewan!" She dumped the water on him.

"Meeeeeow!" Ewan blinked. "I'm a cat!"

"^○^ A magic kitty!" She threw some magic powder on Ewan, who turned into a huge catbeast.

"Uh-oh." The orcs stopped dead with their swords in the air.

"Get 'em!" Katie commanded, sitting on Ewan's back and pointing to the orcs.

"Yay! Go Ewan!" Sami cheered, watching him maul some orcs. "Oh yeah, LIGHTNING!!" She raised her arms and shocked some orcs, hitting a glue bottle in the process.

"SSSSSCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHLLLLLUUUUUURRRRRPPPPA!!!" It exploded.

"Lisse'!" Oliver grinned.

"Told ya!" Renee yelled.

"Take that! And that!" Legolas shot some orcs.

"Roar!" Random Orc growled in his face.

Legolas winced. "/ Ew!" He whipped out his can of hairspray and shot the orc in the eyes.

"Go Raikou!" Megan threw out a Pokéball. The huge electric Pokémon started to fry the orcs as Charizard and Blastoise sat eating some more. "Dew! Go!"

"What do I look like?!  A Pokémon?!" Dew slammed into a few orcs.

"Hey, Gollum lend me some firepower, eh?" Orli asked.

"Sméagol!" Gollum handed him a machine gun.

"Thanks, love." Orli ran off, leaving a confused Gollum behind.

"Plasma!" Ivan cast a quick spell before running into a shop.

"Get him!" The orcs followed him, but Ivan was gone.

"Plasma!" He was now outside the shop, and he locked the orcs in.

"Not bad for a newbie," Draco sneered at him. "But watch _this_!" He muttered a spell under his breath and blew up some orcs. "Can you do that?"

"No." Ivan shrugged.

"Loser," Draco thought to himself.

"I am _not_," Ivan's voice popped into his head. "I just don't know _that_ spell."

"EEEEEEEEE!" Draco screamed, killing a few orcs by popping their eardrums. "Stay outta my mind, you Mudblood!!"

"…What's a 'Mudblood?' " Ewan stopped fighting an orc to ask.

"I dunno." Various Orc shrugged. "Hey, let's go get something to eat.

"Okay," Oliver walked up. He, Ewan, and Various Orc all walked to the food court.

"HELP!!" Frodo ran about, screaming.

"We'll save you!!" Merry and Pippin ran after him, but were caught by Uruk-Hai. "Hey!! Let us go!!"

"Hiyah!" Renee slashed a few orcs. Suddenly, one of them threw dust in Renee's face. "MY EYES!!"

"Put her in the cage!" Indiscriminate Orc scowled.

"Oh no! Renee!" Sami cried out, watching the orcs throw her into the cage.

"Boromir!!" Gimli sobbed, dashing over to the spot where he lay. The orcs ran away from Gimli, heading towards the exit.

"No!!!" Aragorn ran over to them. "This is bad…Frodo, who are we missing?"

"Boromir's dead—"

"NO!" Gimli blubbered. "My love!"

"Merry, Pippin, Renee, and Ivan have been captured by the orcs, and a few of us are injured. He pointed to Legolas who was running in circles, bawling.

"XD Look who got shot in the ass this time!!" Link pointed and laughed.

"T.T It's not funny…" Legolas wailed.

"I want Ivan back!" Katie cried, clinging to Link.

"We'll get everyone back, calm down Katie!" Megan said, helping Draco up from the ground.

"Boromir…" Gimli wept, burying his face into Sam's shoulder.

"Don't start nothing…" Katie growled. Sam glared evilly and pulled out his pitchfork. Katie ran behind Haldir, who was just standing there looking morose.

***

"Renee, wake up!" Pippin shook her.

"Unhhhh…where am I?" Renee sat up.

"Hi!" Cynthia waved cheerfully.

"AHHHHH!" Renee shoved herself against the bars of the cage. "Get her away!"

"What?" Cynthia asked, puzzled.

"They don't like you," Dennis said boredly from the opposite corner.

"AHHHHH!" Renee backed into another corner. "There's no escape!"

"Hey, you!" This Orc called.

"What?" Everybody said at once.

"You with the red hair." Another Orc clarified.

Dennis stuck his tongue out at Merry, Pippin, and Renee.

"Congrats. You get to be a Ringwraith," Different Orc told him, pulling him out of the cage.

"Cool. Uh…what's a Ringwraith?"

Meanwhile, Cynthia was busy hitting on Pippin.

"NO!" Renee cried, bonking Cynthia on the head with her Elven Samurai sword. "_My_ Pippin!"

"Fine." Cynthia sulked for a bit. "Then can I have the other midget?"

"I'M NOT A MIDGET!" Merry yelled. "I'M A FRICKIN' HOBBIT. A HOBBIT!!"

"Okay, whatever. You're still hot. Get over here."

"EEEEE! Renee, get the scary girl away from me!!" Merry retreated into a corner.

Renee looked up at the ceiling of the cage. "HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!"


	17. Seventeen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Seventeen

"Now what?" Oliver looked at Ewan.

"Beats me." Ewan shrugged.

"Frodo and Sam go off to Mordor…" Orli thought out loud.

"Sam!" Frodo cried. "We cannot afford any more deaths!"

"Boromir!" Gimli cried. All of the sudden, the sky began to swirl and everyone was once again thrown back into the forest before the desert.

"Well, that was a waste of time." Megan kicked over the sign, which ran away crying.

"How'd we get back here?" Sami looked around. "Hey, look! Orc tracks!" She pointed to the chip bags on the ground.

"We'll follow them then." Aragorn stood up. "We must rescue our friends."

"Well then, we'll be off to Mordor." Frodo and Sam headed towards the boats.

"Wait!" Megan ran after them, Draco trailing behind her. "I'm going with you!"

"But Mr. Frodo—!" Sam began to protest, but Frodo held up his hand.

"Sure babe." He winked at Megan. "You can come."

"ooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!" Sami, Oliver, and Ewan snickered. "Frodo likes Megan, Frodo likes Megan! XD" They danced and sang.

"Bye, Boromir!" Legolas kicked the boat into the water, watching it fall over the waterfall.

"Argh…oh well…" Gimli grunted.

"Sméagol!" Gollum hopped in the boat with Frodo and Sam. "I goses too!"

"Riiiiiiiight…" Megan nodded from the other boat.

"Be careful, guys!" Sami waved. "Send us an owl some time!"

"Ugh. I'm not paddling," Draco griped.

"Rowses!" Gollum threatened. Draco quickly picked up an oar and started rowing.

"So what about us?" Legolas walked up beside Aragorn.

"We shall follow the orc tracks!" He pointed to the trail, fireworks going off in the background.

"Er…yeah." Sami blinked.

"Will you cut that out?" Link grumbled. "Oh, and we found this." He pulled a out a plothole and chucked it at Sami.

"oOo! Nifty!" She shoved it in her pocket.

"When I get my hands on those orcs, they'll be sorry they took Ivan!!" Katie picked up one of the boat oars and slung it on her back.

"O.o Is that your weapon?" Sami poked the oar.

"| Yes…" Katie grumbled, storming up to Aragorn. "Can we go already?"

"Yes, let us be off." He floated down the path.

"Is it just me, or is Katie in a bad mood?" Sami whispered to Link.

"Yep. x.x They took Ivan, so she's pissed." Link shrugged.

"XD I'm! Too sexy for my fur! Too sexy for my fur…yeah, so sexy…" Ewan, still a cat, danced about and sang.

"XD Dude, that's cool!" Oliver started dancing too. "I'm! Too sexy for my………plaster! Too sexy for my plaster!"

"O.o Plaster?"

"XD Yeah, dude!"

"Lisse'! XD"

"Um…yeah…" Sami blinked again.

***

"I'm bored." Pippin leaned against the back of the cage.

"I can fix _that_." Cynthia advanced toward him.

"GET AWAY FROM MY HOBBIT!" Renee kicked Cynthia back to her corner of the cage.

"Woo! Go Renee!" The hobbits cheered.

"…Hey kid, you okay?" Renee looked at Ivan, who was very pale. "Cynthia scaring you too much?"

"…She's kissing the enemy…" Ivan pointed a shaky finger at Cynthia, who was busy making out with an orc.

"X.X This day just gets worse and worse…" Renee covered her eyes.

"…Wish we had a plothole…" Merry sighed.

"Hey…I'll sell you this…" A color guard member whispered from another corner.

"Thanks!" Pippin shoved some money in her hand. "We gotta plothole!"

"Yay!" Renee, Merry, and Ivan celebrated.

"…So we're owned property now?" Pippin grumbled.

"No…we're hobbits." Merry blinked.

***

"It's too hot, I'm getting a sunburn, and I'm too tired." Draco threw down his paddle.

"Draco…it's 50º out, it's _cloudy_, and you only took two strokes," Megan informed him.

"Yeah, well…" Draco quickly thought. "I'm a wizard, and wizards don't row!"

"Frodo!" Megan cried.

"Hold up, babe!" Frodo jumped in her boat. He threw Draco into the other boat, picked up the paddle, and began rowing.

"Rowses!!" Gollum shouted at Draco and banged on a drum.

"This isn't a Viking warshi—" Draco protested, but Gollum beat him with the drum mallet. "OW!"

"ROWSES!" Gollum commanded again. Draco reluctantly picked up the paddle and started to row.

"Thanks a lot, Frodo." Megan sat writing in her new band story that she and Sami were writing together.

"No problem, babe." Frodo winked.

***

"Oh god…YOU'RE the new guy?" #5 looked down at Dennis.

"That's what the pig dude said." Dennis blinked.

"Er…yeah. Larry, get lost." #7 drop-kicked Larry into Oblivion.

"Guys, we gotta do something about him." #8 pointed to Dennis. "He's so…ugly."

"Hey, I happen to be very beautiful!" Dennis pouted.

"Right…you wash your hair with vegetable oil?" #1 tapped Dennis on the head. "x.x Eeeew…"

"No, canola oil. Not as much saturated fat."

"Still, you could use a makeover." #2 dragged Dennis back to Mordor. "C'mon guys, we've got work to do."

***

"I love *hic* TURKEY!" Oliver and Ewan swayed back and forth drinking Sake.

"Will they give it a rest?" Link mumbled, sharpening his sword.

"KISS ME!!" Ewan threw his arm around Sami, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek before passing out.

"x.x As much as I love you, Ewan…" Sami paused, wiping the glob of saliva off her face. "That was gross."

"T.T Sami…" Legolas walked into the campsite.

"Oh, what did you do now?" Sami opened her plothole.

"I got poison sumac!" he cried.

"HAHAHAHAHA!!" Oliver laughed, then passed out next to Ewan. Dew immediately attacked their backpacks, searching for food.

"Love, you eat too much." Orli picked up Dew.

"Yeah, well…XD…you're pretty hot for a bag of skin."

"Dew, he's _mine_!"

"You'd think I'd know that!" Dew hopped on Aragorn's shoulder. "Hey buddy, spare me $5?"

"I cannot. You shall earn your own money. I must go pray in the garden." Aragorn walked off to go pray some more.

"| Aw, damn…Link, gimme five rupees before I bite you."

"DEW!" Sami scolded, busy applying calamine to Legolas's new poison sumac.

"We're in the middle of a forest! Why do you need money?" Link blinked.

"/ Because." Dew hopped on his knee.

"FINE! HERE!" Link chucked a blue rupee, then fell backwards off the log. "x.x Ow."

"Thanks, moron." Dew flew off into the woods.

"Argh! Look at me!" Gimli flounced about with Katie's poncho on his head.

"Hey! That's mine! Give it back!" Katie chased him.

"Yeah, well I'm dead sexy, and you're crap!" Gimli spat.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!" Link jumped up, but Orli held him back.

"Calm down, dude."

"GIVE IT!" Katie ripped it off Gimli's head. "x.x Eeew…"

"oOo, frisky aren't we?" Gimli grinned. A look of total terror spread across Katie's face.

"HALDIR!" Katie screamed, hiding behind him. Haldir pulled out his sword, but Link stopped him.

"This one's mine." He cracked his knuckles, then headed towards Gimli.

"Uh-oh…" Gimli gulped.

"Ooo…ow…eek…aww…" The remaining Fellowship cringed, watching Link clobber Gimli.

"Ten!" Sami held up a board.

"Ten!" Orli held up ten fingers.

"¯o¯ Two-point-five." Legolas held up a Post-It® Note.

"What?!" Link folded his arms. "2.5?!"

"¯o¯ I don't like you."

***

"Are you sure this is the right way?" Megan looked around. "It looks like we're in Italy…"

"Welcome to Italy-Town, located someplace before Mordor," a dude said with an Italian accent.

"Aw, do we have to stay here?" Draco whined, watching Sam pull the boats into a parking spot.

"Yes." He put some money in "el parquímetro."

"Nice town…" Megan glanced about.

"Hey Megan, wanna go on a date?" Frodo asked.

"Sure!" Megan said happily.

"Gollum, you're in charge." Frodo ordered, he and Megan heading off.

"Aye, aye, sir!" Gollum saluted.

"EW. I am _not_ obeying a blue thing." Draco sneered. Gollum pulled out his peace-maker and Draco shut up.

"Hey look!" Sam cried. "El Wal-Marto! Can we go, Sméagol? Please?"

"Well…alrightses…" Gollum shrugged, dragging Draco behind him.

Meanwhile…

"Flowers!! Get your flowers!!" Aeris held up a bouquet.

"I'll take some." Frodo handed her some money.

"Thanks, little master." Aeris pocketed the money and handed Frodo the flowers.

"Here." Frodo handed the bouquet to Megan.

"oOo! Thanks!" Megan smiled sweetly.

"Anything for you, babe." Frodo grinned.


	18. Eighteen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Eighteen

***

"Ow…ow…ow…ow…" Dennis sat in a chair, #5 plucking his eyebrows.

"Ew…ew…ew…ew…" #5 made a face.

"Here." #2 dumped some Rogaine on Dennis's head. "Can't be a bishi without long hair. Very few get by with no hair."

"I have hair!" Dennis pointed out. "It's just short!"

"Too short." #1 sat filing Dennis's nails.

"Hee hee!! LOOK! BOOGERS!" Dennis blew his nose, snot running down his face. He giggled.

"EEEEEEEEEEEW!" The wraiths shrieked, running out of the room.

***

"Twenty-two bottles of beer on the wall!" Merry ad Pippin sang.

"My head…" An Orc grumbled, holding his head.

"C'mere, I'll fix it…" Cynthia smiled sweetly.

"Stop," Some Orc ordered. "We're at the cave of Evil Dragon."

"What's that?" Renee asked.

"None of your business," An Orc growled at her.

"It's the cave of a horrific dragon," Ivan explained.

"Oh…"

"Throw her in!" An Orc yelled.

"No! Wait!" Cynthia screamed, but the orcs threw her in the cave. "AHHHHHH!"

"Hyuk, hyuk! Will you be my friend?" Barney picked up Cynthia and went deeper into the cave.

"…That was creepy." Renee blinked.

"But at least she's gone." Ivan pointed out.

"Nineteen bottles of beer on the wall! Wait…eighteen…no…crap, I lost count! Gotta restart now!" Merry grinned. 

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!" The entire orc army screamed.

***

"Mmmmm…I love spaghetti, Frodo!" Megan sighed.

"I love _you_, babe," replied Frodo, winking again.

"HEY!" Draco screamed, storming into the restaurant. "She pulled _me_ out of the plothole!"

"So—you belong to her," Frodo told him, his eyes still on Megan. "Doesn't mean she can't belong to me."

"_ Grrrr…" Draco glared at Frodo. Gollum snickered. "What are _you_ laughing at, you icky thing?" Draco yelled, rounding on Gollum.

Gollum pulled out his gun and aimed. Draco shut up. "^^!" Gollum grinned. "Youses likeses her!" he croaked in a singsongy voice.

"…Do not!" Draco lied.

"Does tooses!" Gollum laughed some more.

"Do n—hey…where'd they go?"

Gollum pointed out the window to where Frodo and Megan were riding away together on a motorcycle.

"WAAAAAAAAIT!!" Draco yelled, racing after them.

Sam looked over tat Gollum. "Go ahead," he offered, hiding his pitchfork behind his back.

Gollum retrieved his M-16. "After youses."

***

"This way," Aragorn said, choosing a path. "We have to find Merry, Pippin, Renee, and Ivan."

"Damn straight we do," Katie muttered.

"Saaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiii," Legolas whined. "It still itches!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" That, of course, was Oliver and Ewan.

Link looked at them. "Don't you two _ever_ shut _up_?!" he asked them.

"…No!" They laughed some more.

"Argh. Must find cute little hobbits. And the little behbeh that's for supper!" Gimli exclaimed, a big smile spreading across his face.

"NO!" Katie shrieked. "You are _not eating Ivan!! And you can't have Pippin either!"_

At this point, Gimli tripped over a root and fell face first to the ground.

"I will help you, Master Gimli, Dwarf-friend." Legolas held out a poison-sumaced hand.

"Dwarf-friend?" Sami raised an eyebrow. "When did _that happen?"_

"…No idea…" Legolas shrugged, scratching his back.

"Well—"

"LET'S GO!!" Katie screamed.

***

"Hmmm…not _too bad…" #8 walked around, inspecting the new Dennis._

"You still need work on your hair," #3 said.

"Your name shall be 'Ulaire Dorkus,' " #2 told him.

"Okay." Dennis shrugged. "Cool."

"All right, now we have to go this way," #1 pointed. "The ring-hobbit, the evil hobbit, the girl in glasses, the blonde wizard, and the blue thing went this way."

"Hmm, hmm, hmm…I believe there are angels among us…" Ulaire Dorkus sang.

"Dude…" #7 looked at him. "Let _us pick the songs."_

***

"Merry, if you sing that song _one more time!!" Renee glared at him, her eyes bloodshot._

"Hee hee! I'll stop!" Merry chirped cheerfully.

"Thank you! He Pippin, more coffee!!" Renee held out her mug. Pippin poured more of the mix into Renee's cup. "Thanks, buddy."

"No prob." Pippin set the thermos back down.

"Hey you there! Orc!" Merry called.

"You there is in the back. I'm Some Other Orc." Some Other Orc replied.

"Oh. Where are we going now, Some Other Orc?"

"Beats me." Some Other Orc shrugged.

"We're heading towards Midgar." Some Guy explained. "The orc leader wants to sell the lady to Don Corneo."

"Don Corneo?" Ivan looked up.

"Yep!" Some Guy and Some Orc went back to their posts.

"Hey! Some Guy betrayed us!" Pippin realized.

"XD…yeah…" Merry snickered.

"Who's Don Corneo?" Renee asked.

"Well, he's in charge of the Sector 6 slums of Midgar. He's the top Playboy and every night he chooses three new girls, and well…" Ivan blushed.

"X.X They're selling me to a _pimp_?" Renee's eye twitched.

"Middle-aged, overweight, nearly bald," Ivan added. "Somehow, escape Midgar and head towards Orthanc. We'll meet up with you there."

"…You know everything, don't you…?" Renee folded her arms.

"No, I just read the minds of orcs." Ivan shrugged.

***

"OH, GIVE ME A HOME! WHERE THE BACON CAN ROAM! FILLED WITH DEER AND ANTELOPE SAUSAGE!!" Dew sang at the top of her lungs, not to mention severely off-key.

"/ Will someone _PLEASE_ shut her UP!!" Link shouted. Katie quickly pulled out her remote and clicked "mute," then shoved Dew back into the flowerpot.

"What's your problem? You've been really cranky lately!" Katie glared at him.

"¬o¬ I don't have a problem." Link pouted.

"Here." Katie handed the rattling flowerpot to Haldir.

"I almost forgot he was here!" Sami said, hopping up to Haldir.

"Greetings, Sami-san." Haldir bowed.

"Sami…" Legolas began.

"What do you want now?"

"Would you by any chance have some Neosporin? The arrow wound on my butt just opened up again…I think I have some sumac back there too…it itches…"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed.

"x.x Ew." Orli made a face.

"This way, keep moving," Aragorn said.

"…I miss my snuggle-bunny," Gimli sighed.

Dew squealed again from inside her flowerpot.

"SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEE!!" Sami screamed to all of Middle-Earth.

***

"Hey babe, where we going?" Frodo asked Megan. Sam growled, but Megan shot him a dirty look.

"I dunno. Why don't we ask Gollum?"

"Whatses?"

"Well, could you take us to Mordor then, Gollum?" Frodo asked.

"Whoa, is Mordor where that big evil eye lives?" Draco asked.

"^-^ Yup!" Megan said.

"Don't worry about it. Mr. Frodo will get us through anything," Sam said to Draco.

"Sam, I don't like you anymore. Get over it, 'kay?" Frodo said over his shoulder.

Sam had an evil look on his face, and proceeded to pull out his pitchfork and chase Megan around with it.

"Get away from me, you hairy freak!" Megan screamed.

Gollum put a foot out in front of Sam, who tripped. He then pulled out a pistol, held it to Sam's head, and said in a voice very much like that of Sean Connery's, "Off to Mordor _now! Right?"_

Sam gulped. "…Uh-huh…"

"Good! Marches!

***

"Well, Don Corneo, here she is," Some Guy presented Renee.

"Remember the plan?" Ivan asked.

Renee nodded, looking very disgustedly at Don Corneo.

"Oh, you'll be mi novia esta noche," he said to her.

"GROSS! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" She pulled out her sword.

"Renee," Ivan warned, "don't ruin the plan!"

"But he's going to touch me!" Renee yelled back.

Ivan just shrugged. Renee sheathed her sword. "God I hate this."

"Bye Renee!" Merry and Pippin yelled. "See you soon!"

"Hopefully," Renee said. "Ivan, be good, please?"

"When was I ever bad?" Ivan laughed.

"Okay, what I meant was, if you get my Pippin killed, I'll hurt you."

"Okay, okay, fine," he replied.

Don Corneo's cart went off. 

"Well, we got some cash now," There Orc said to Random Orc. "Where to now?"                                                   


	19. Nineteen

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Nineteen

***

"Halt," Aragorn said. "We shall rest here tonight."

"Thank you Gondor. My butt hurts so bad!" Legolas collapsed to the ground.

"Just over this hill lies Midgar. We'll stop there for the night," Ewan looked at a map.

"O.o Midgar isn't in Middle Earth. It's from some Final Fantasy place!" Link screamed, clutching his head.

"Dude, chill," Oliver sat teasing Dew with his finger. "Haha, you're too slow!" Dew gave him a nasty look. CLAMP! "Ow!" Oliver ran around screaming, Dew attached to his finger. "Get it off! Get it off!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ewan laughed. 

"Hold still," Sami pinched Dew's jaws, forcing her to let go.

"Asshole!" Dew spat, flying off to Haldir and Orli.

"Evil blue thing," Oliver mumbled.

"C'mon guys, let's get going." Orli slugged Sami's backpack over his shoulder.

"Link and Katie, outta the woods," Ewan called.

"Aww," They grumbled, following the group up the hill.

"Hey, you smell something, Ewan?" Oliver held his nose. 

"Yeah, it smells like something rotting. Gimli, did you rip one?" Gimli stopped on the hills, turning around to look at Ewan.

"Believe me, Ewan, if that were me, you'd be dead." Gimli grunted.

"…Yano, he's gotta point," Sami grinned. 

"Come, Midgar is right there." Aragorn floated over the hill.

***

"Ok, let's see what you got," #1 chucked a surfboard at Dennis. Dennis stood there, getting hit with the surfboard. 

"Ow!" Dennis rubbed his head. "Why'd ya do that?"

"Oh for the love of Sauron…" #3 rubbed his temples. "You were supposed to catch it!"

"How was I supposed to know? oOo a crab!"  Dennis poked a crab. 

"Hey…wait…ULAIRE DORKUS!…HEY MORON!"

"Wuh?" Dennis looked up, the crab in his mouth. 

"…I can't handle this. I'll be in my room…" #7 grumbled, heading back to the castle.

***

"This place looks deserted," Frodo looked around. The only sound heard was the water rushing under the boats and oars.

"I'll bet it's crawling with enemies." Draco whipped out his wand. "Like…Harry!" 

"Hi!"

"GAH!" Draco fell out of the boat. 

"Dork." A talking Harry Potter head appeared. "Listen, just go straight on this river, turn left at the dead Pikachu tree, then take Interstate 44 south to Mordor."

"Okay! Thanks talking Harry Potter head!" Megan waved, the Harry head disappearing.

"Interstate?" Sam blinked.

"¯o¯ I've seen them before. Not much to look at." Draco pulled his boat up next to the shore. When everyone was out, they headed down the rocky plain to find the dead Pikachu tree. All of the sudden, a loud growl filled the air. 

"AHHHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed.

"Sorry," Sam blushed. "Just my stomach…"

"Come to think of it, I'm hungry too," Frodo looked at Megan, "We have any food babe?"

"Yeah, actually," Megan reached in her plot hole and pulled out her microwave/tanning bed/cloning machine/foreign accent-adder/Pokémon-transformer/gender-changer/warper and a box of fishsticks.

"oOo fishsticksss…" Gollum attacked the box, stroking it. 

***

"Where are we?" Sami looked around, "There's junk everywhere!"

"We're heading into the slums of Midgar," Katie jumped over a fire. "Hey look! Isn't that Renee?"

"She's heading towards Sector 6 in the Don's wagon…" Link began, but stopped. "That's bad."

"Yeah. We'd better hurry to the slums to save Renee," Legolas darted into the city.

"Whoa, there," Oliver held him back. "Going into a city like that you'll need new clothes. Sami, get us some street clothes."

"Okay." Sami pulled out clothes from her plot hole and handed them out, everyone running off to change.

***

"I'm bored," Pippin crossed his arms.

"You said that 20 times already," Merry laid on his back in the middle of the cage reading "Hobbit Weekly."

"…Why are you reading a woman's magazine?" Pippin blinked.

"I'M BORED!" Merry sat up. "Geez!…hey cool! 20 things to do to an orc!"

"Lemme see!" Pippin looked over Merry's shoulder.

"The sooner the battle comes, the better," Ivan sighed, thinking to himself and watching the hobbits bother the ocs.

***

"Wow…"Legolas looked around. "This place is weird…"

"Heh…we look like bouncers," Ewan grinned at Oliver.

"I think there's a club around here," Oliver suggested.

"¬-¬ Well, there's also a place called the Honey Bee Inn—" Link began, but Katie finished. 

"Of which you won't be going to," Katie glared at him.

"I was joking!"

"Yeah…"

"Hey look!" Gimli pointed. "It's Gandalf in that bar!" the fellowshipped rushed inside.

"Hum…" Gandalf sat smoking pipeweed with some fat dude.

"Gandalf!" Aragorn walked up to him. "We thought you were dead!"

"Really? That's just peachy!" Gandalf fell of his chair, unconscious.

"I've gotta take a shit. Uhhhhh…" Gimli grunted, waddling over to the bathroom.

"Hey, isn't this the bar with the guy that never comes out?" Link raised an eyebrow. 

"Uhhhhh…I've got enough crap to choke a donkey! Whew, I'm getting all emotional about it…" Gimli grunted again.

"C'mon guys, let's head to the clothed shop before something nasty happens," Sami dragged everyone out, leaving Gimli back in the bar.

***

"Gollum, that's quite enough. The plot hole can't be used just to get you more fishsticks," Megan chastised Gollum.

"Megan?"

"Yes, Frodo?"

"We still haven't got anything to eat, as Gollum stole all the fishsticks."

"Oh yeah, " Megan said. She pulled out her plothole and grabbed two bags of McDonalds.

"Here, dig in," she said, starting to eat a cheeseburger.

"But, what's this?" Draco asked.

"Uh…McDonalds," Megan informed him.

"But I'm _not touching that," he stuck his nose in the air.  
            "Fine. Starve." She said simply._

He looked at her, mouth open. The he looked at Frodo and Sam, who were snarfing down French fries. He reluctantly picked up a chicken sandwich.

"And this is safe?" he asked, looking dubiously at it.

"YES DRAO JUST EAT!" Megan screamed.

"Ugh, fine." He started eating.

***

"Ok, so here's the plan. We buy dresses and act like we've going in for an interview. We'll maul the Don, save Renee, and get outta here," Katie explained to Sami.

"I don't like the sound of this," Aragorn looked a bit nervous.

"Hey, either we goin', or they goin'," Katie pointed to Link and Legolas.

"They'll go," Aragorn secretly smiled to himself.

"WHAT?" Link's eyes went wide. 

"Hehe, I get to wear a dress!" Legolas clasped his hands together.

"¬-¬ Oh for the love of Naryu…" Link mumbled.

"Here," Katie shoved dresses at them and pointed to the dressing room. Five minutes later, Legolas walked out.

"♥o♥ Oh, I look so PRETTY!" Legolas flounced about in a skimpy dress.

"x.x You look disturbing." Orli covered his eyes.

"Hey Link! You coming out or what?"  
            "NO!"

"Please?"

"NO WAY! I'M NOT DOING THIS!"

"Oh fine." Sami walked over and ripped off the curtain.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan were rolling on the floor with laughter, nearly in tears.

"x.x I hate this…" Link folded his arms.

"…I'm prettier," Legolas fluffed his hair.

"Shut up!" Link spat miserably.

"I _do like Legolas's dress more though," Sami said,_

"Katiiiiiiieeeee," Link cried, "help me!"

"Hey, you said you wanted to go to the Honey Bee Inn," she smiled.

"Not like this! Please, get me out of here!"

"Nope, you go save Renee, bye-bye!" They kicked Link n' Legolas out of the shop.

"Damn," Link mumbled.

"Ohh! Let's go! This will be fun!" Legolas screamed dragging Link behind him.

***

"Oh, you so bonita," The Don said to Renee.

"You said that to the fat 300-pound girl over there too," she replied miserably.

"That's okay, you'll be mine tonight."

"You do realize that I'm going to kill you tonight?" she asked.

"¿Por qué?"

"Because I hate you, you tried to touch me with your big ugly hands, you don't speak English, you're ugly, and you have bought Gondor knows how many other girls and done this to them. Is that enough reasons?" she said in one breath.

"Oh, my little love bird," he replied. "Now come on, let's be reasonable." He put his hand on her leg.

In an instant, she whipped out her sword and placed it to his throat. "Move any further, and you die."

"…Now let's lay nice, mi novia."

"Um…let me see…NO!"

He tried to kiss her, but at that moment, two blonde women walked into the room.

"Hmm…" The Don said when he saw the two blondes. "I'll save you for later, little love bird." He smiled at Renee. "I like las rubias better anyway."

"Then I'm going to occupy myself and sign a song while I wait for you." She began singing, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," over and over again.

The Don walked up to the blondes. "Ah, my good ladies, how may I help you?" he asked.

"We want to have an interview with you…" one said, then looked over at Renee.

Renee instantly realized who it really was, and started laughing. Link shot her a dirty look.

"What's so funny?" Don asked.

"Oh, nada, nada." She smiled.

"Well, why don't you two come in back and we'll see what we can do…" Don ushered Link and Legolas into the back.


	20. Twenty

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty

Another Disclaimer: Scene belongs to Monty Python. Not to us. To them. Don't sue. Please.

***

"Is _anything interesting ever going to happen?" Merry asked._

"Whoa!" Pippin exclaimed.

"What?" Ivan and Merry asked, looking over at him.

"I found out how to get the door open to this cage!" he said excitedly.

"Sweet," Ivan said.

"Can we go now? Come on!" Merry tried to get past the door.

"No, we should wait until nightfall!" Ivan said sternly, grabbing him by the arm.

"But—" Merry started.

"Tonight!"

"…Okay," Merry reluctantly agreed.

***

"Okay, now that we're refreshed, we should be going," Megan said.

"Yeah, let's just take the boats," said Draco.

"Urgh," Sam grumbled.

"What?"

"I don't like the boats!" he replied.

"And we should care…why?" Draco asked.

"Well, I don't know how to swim. Which means I don't like water, which means I don't like boats," Sam explained.

"Okay…well…your opinion doesn't really matter here, so let's just get in the boat and go."

"Mr. Frodo, can I ride with you? I'm scared," Sam huddled near Frodo.

"Dude, I'm with Megan now, leave me alone!"

"Hehehe…come on, Frodo, hon, let's go." Megan smiled sweetly.

"Gotcha," he replied, as they rowed offshore.

***

"Okay, Dorkus," #3 said to Dennis, "let's see how sexily you can put your sunblock on."

"Uh…okay." Dennis took the bottle and started rubbing it on his nose quickly.

"NO, NO, _NO!!" #8 screamed. "Like __this!" He took his robe off, squeezed some sunblock in his hands, and started rubbing his chest, smiling at the sun._

"Dude, that's the best one yet!" #1 called over.

#2 picked up the stereo, and "I'm Too Sexy" began to play.

"I'm too sexy for my robe, too sexy for my robe, so sexy it hurts!" #8 sang along loudly.

"Oh. My. God." Dennis gaped, astonished. "Someone help me!"

"Oh, yeah, work it #8!" #5 yelled. "Flex those pipes!"

"You know it!" #8 said.

***

"Dude, Katie, I forgot what happens next in the book!" Sami said.

"¯o¯ Don't ask me, I haven't read it yet," she replied.

"Shit," Sami mumbled. "Hey, wait! I can pull it out of the plothole!" She whipped out her plothole, pulled a copy of _The Two Towers out, and started flipping through it._

"Okay…" she said after a moment. "We should be heading for Fangorn."

"Uh, 'kay, where's that?" Katie asked.

"I dunno…we'll find out sometime." Sami shrugged.

Gandalf, Gimli, Oliver, Orli, Ewan, and Haldir were in the back of the room playing poker again.

"YOU KEEP RIGGING THE DECK!" Orli shouted at Gandalf.

"Are you accusing a wizard of cheating?!" Lightning flashed outside.

"Er…no." Orli backed down. "Good Gandalf…nice Gandalf…"

"Argh, Gandalf the Grey sounds better than Gandalf the White," Gimli grunted for no particular reason.

"Eh, whatever." Gandalf shrugged.

"So, Gandalf, where have you been?" Haldir asked.

Gandalf stared out into space for a bit, thinking of all the things that had happened.

"Well," he began, "I escaped the Balrog, climbed an eternity of stairs to the top of the Moria Mountain, called to my eagle-friend Gwaihir, who took me to Lothlórien, and then went barhopping and ended up here," he finished.

Everyone looked at him.

"What's a Balrog?" Ewan asked.

***

"Okay, ladies, let's see what you've got. Take off the dress, come one, don't be shy…" the Don tried to coax Link and Legolas out of their clothes.

"What?!" Link shouted.

"You said you wanted an interview, now come on, buena chica…" The Don was getting rather impatient.

"No way, uh-uh." Link shook his head. He looked pleadingly at Legolas.

"Um…do you want me to do your hair?" Legolas asked. Link rolled his eyes.

"No. Now take your dresses off!" Don yelled.

"No," Link said.

The Don launched himself at Link.

"AH! LEGOLAS! HELP!" Link cried.

Legolas took out his dagger and sliced off the Don's arm.

"Ahh, okay, I'm okay…get back here, lass!" He went after Link again.

"But I just cut your arm off." Legolas looked at him.

"What?"

"Your arm."

"Oh, that? That's nothing! AHH!" He charged toward Link.

Legolas darted past him and cut his leg off.

"Eh, it's just a leg, come on! Get back here, you coward!" he called out.

Legolas cut off the Don's other arm.

"I can still fight!" He hopped over and tried to headbutt Legolas, who successfully cut the Don's other leg off.

"Oh, come on, it's-a but a flesh wound!" he yelled to Legolas and Link.

"C'mon, let's go," Link said.

"Yeah, this guy's psycho."

They motioned Renee over, and the three of them walked to the door.

"Get back here, you yellow-bellied cowards! I'll bite your kneecaps off."

They left the bloody stump behind, closed the door, and walked off.

***

"Okay, we need a distraction," Ivan said.

"Well…I know!" Merry exclaimed. "Okay, no I don't."

"Hey, what's that?" Pippin pointed to the dust cloud in the distance.

"Oh no! Not them!" Some Orc cried out. "The Riders of Pokémon!"

"Charge!" Ash cried, his sword in the air. The Riders of Pokémon, a bunch of trainers riding on Rapidashes, charged into battle against the orcs.

"Who knew Pokémon trainers could be so vicious?" Merry's eyes went wide as he watched Misty brutally hack at an orc, body parts flying.

"Come on! We've got to go now!" Ivan quickly opened the cage and dashed out, Merry and Pippin close behind.

"Hey! I lost my magazine!" Merry stopped.

"We'll get you a new one later!" Ivan yelled. "Keep going!"

"Oh, all right." Merry followed Pippin and Ivan into the woods.

"Sir! The prisoners of the orcs escaped!" Tracey rode up to Ash.

"Damn. We'll find them later. Ritchie, what are the casualties?"

"90% of the orcs, and 18% of our troops sir!" Ritchie read off.

"All right then." Ash sheathed his sword and motioned the Pokémon Riders. "Move out!"

***

"I can't stand this…" Draco grumbled, watching Gollum paddle up front in the other boat while Megan and Frodo cuddled in the back of it.

"Grrrrr…" Sam growled, his eyes glowing red.

"Easy, Sam. We'll get our revenge, don't worry," Draco said slyly.

"Yes, Mr. Draco." Sam began to paddle again.

"I'm starting to think they're plotting something against us." Frodo looked at Megan and took a sip of his martini.

"Now, now. You're getting over-excited, dear."

"Perhaps you are right, my love." Frodo said, and he and Megan laughed like rich people.

"Oh, Gollum, will you please sing us a song in Italian?" Megan clapped her hands twice.

"Sméagol…" Gollum sighed, then in a deep Italian voice began to sing, "The SUN, is a bright red golden cherry…"

"x.x oh GOD…" Draco covered his ears. Megan and Frodo only smiled.

***

"So, how did it go?" Katie smiled sweetly at Link.

"/ That is the _last time I'm wearing a dress, or doing you __any more favors for a long time!" Link sat pouting at the bar. Legolas, on the other hand, was still flouncing about in his pink dress._

"Legolas…go change…please," Renee set down her cup of Sake. "You're getting Gandalf all riled up." She pointed to Gandalf who was standing on a table.

"Keep yer clothes on, buddy!" Dew slammed into Gandalf, knocking him off the table.

"Lisse'!" Oliver grinned, and then looked over at the people sitting next to him and Ewan, giving them a "What's up?" headshake. The couple did the same, only the guy wrapped his arm around the girl.

Oliver and Ewan looked at each other and shrugged. Oliver put his arm around Ewan, looking back at the couple. The two people had begun to make out. Oliver and Ewan glanced at each other a bit disgustedly, but started to make out anyway.

"EWAN!" Sami shrieked.

"OLIVER!" Renee cried, equally shocked.

"What?" They looked at Sami and Renee. Sickened, the couple at the other table left.

"Just _what do you think you were doing?!" Sami put her hands on her hips._

"Oh, give 'em a break. Can we head up to the plate above us? I gotta go kill somebody." Katie sat spinning on a barstool.

"Well…all right." Aragorn floated out the door.

"Guys, I promised the others I'd meet up with them and Treebeard." Renee stood up.

"Aww…" Sami sighed.

"Be sure to pick up a plothole at the shop. Oh, and make sure it's Cingular Wireless. No long distance or roaming fees," Link quickly added.

"Will do! Later!" Renee waved, heading out the door.

***

Dennis sat there with his arms folded. "I'm _not putting on sunblock like __that," he said stubbornly._

"Dude, come on," said #3. "You can have the bottle of blue sunblock."

Dennis thought for a moment. "Pink."

"Okay, fine." #6 dug out the bottle of pink sunblock and tossed it to Dennis.

"Yay!" he exclaimed, shedding his robes and squirting the pink sunblock all over himself.

"Uh,no." #1 had his hands on his hips, watching Dennis. "Your style is _all wrong. Think…seductive."_

"O.o…I dunno what that means."

"That's because you're STUPID!" #5 yelled suddenly. "Er…sorry."

"Who're you callin' stupid?" Dennis glared at the Ringwraith.

"Uh, you, duh."

"Oh, okay. Just checking." Dennis went back to work on his sunblock application.

"Now you're getting the hang of it," #8 said approvingly. "We'll make a wraith of you yet."

"At least he'll be better than Larry," #7 muttered.


	21. Twenty-One

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-One

"Um…which way?" Pippin blinked. "Left, right, or straight?"

"Let's try straight." Merry suggested. The three of them entered the forest, but only wound up at the entrance again. "Damn."

I don't even think we're in the right forest…" Ivan looked around.

"WE'RE LOST!!" Pippin threw up his hands.

"If these wood are right…we go right, left, right, left, left, right, straight…" Ivan blinked. "But those last three may not be entirely right…"

"Let's just try it!" Merry dragged them into the Lost Woods again.

***

"Do we _have to kill Hojo?" Sami grumbled._

"Yep. Watch." Katie used Gollum's grenade launcher and blasted the Shinra Inc. building to pieces. "^○^ 'Kay, I'm done!" The group headed out of Midgar.

"Hm…we shall go to Fangorn…" Gandalf looked at a map. "Go North!"

"…It's upside down and backwards." Sami flipped the map over. Katie snickered, and Link gave her a nasty look.

"Oh, oh…I see. Go east!" Gandalf pointed.

"Yay! Pasar la a spiradora!" Katie hopped in a car that…just…^^; happened to be there…XD

"We get the motorcycles!" Ewan and Oliver jumped on the two bikes.

"O.o Okay." Sami got into Katie's car, pulling Orli behind her. After five minutes, the Fellowship was once again lost.

"Dammit! Where's the map?!" Sami looked around the glove compartment.

"…I think Legolas used it as a gum wrapper…" Orli pointed to the sticky mess in the ashtray.

"I just bought this car!!" Katie screeched.

"No you didn't, I DID!" Link screamed.

"…Oh, yeah…"

"Argh, maybe we should ask for directions…" Gimli grunted for about the millionth time.

"Okay." Link pulled over next to Ms. Borger's Pokémon sales.

"Hey, y'all wanna buy a Pikachu?" she waddled up in a straw hat.

"Yeah, thems funds go to my retirement!" Larry belched from his chair.

"No thanks, we're looking for the highway," Sami replied.

"Oh, you know you wanna buy a Pikachu," Ms. Borger said. "They're so sweet. Which one of y'all wanna go with this big company thing?" she asked the Pikachu.

"No, we _don't want to buy a Pikachu, ma'am," Sami repeated._

"Well, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the blonde there." She pointed to Legolas. "They're so cute! How about Pika here? You can get his brother Chu for ½ price!"

"Listen lady," Sami said louder, "we just need directions to the highway. Can you give us those?"

"Well, sure. I'm not retarded," Ms. Borger said. "You go down this road 1.8 leagues until you find Lon Lon Ranch, then you turn right and go 5.27 leagues until you see this big white sign with orc graffiti on it. Go straight on from there."

"Thank you, ma'am," Sami said, sinking in the back.

"Yes, thank you!" Legolas chirped.

"And here you go!" Ms. Borger handing Legolas a bag that read, 'I ♥ Pikachus.' "Remember, feed a Pikachu!"

"oOo! A new makeup bag! Thanks!" Legolas squeed some more.

And with that, the company started off down the road.

***

"Hey, Megaaaaan…" Draco whined.

"What _now, Draco?" Megan asked, skipping along with Frodo._

"I'm hungry."

"Sam, food check," Megan commanded.

"Well, we have a couple of pieces of line, some lembas, and a corn kernel or two…wait…nope, no more corn kernels." Sam popped the last one in his mouth.

"Oh, this could be bad," Draco said, falling to the ground, clutching his stomach.

"Marches!" Gollum poked Draco.

"Uh…guys…" Frodo spoke up.

"Well, I don't _want to march anymore. I'm hot and tired, and I'm not listening to you just because you could load your gun and bl—"_

"GUYS!" Frodo yelled.

"What?" Megan asked.

"Just be _quiet, I think I hear something!"_

"Lord, now he's hearing things too," muttered Draco.

A shadow moved across the path.

"But it's broad daylight!" Megan protested.

A dark figure darted in front of them.

"…What was that?" Frodo whispered.

"Halt," a voice demanded.

"Who are you?" Frodo looked at him.

"Who are we?" the man repeated. "I think we should be asking who _you are." They strode forward and Frodo's company saw they were dressed in hues of he forest. "Or __what you are…you're short."_

"Well, they're not orcs," one green guy said.

"Elves?" Another guessed.

"No, Elves are way taller, and they're supposed to be fair to look at."

"Hey! I object!" Megan exclaimed.

"My word, a woman in the forest traveling? And with trousers?" The leader looked disdainfully at her.

"Okay, from where I came, everyone wears these. They're called jeans. And these two," she indicated Frodo and Sam, "are hobbits. As I think you can see, I'm a woman. And this is a Gollum." She pointed to Gollum, who was glaring at the men.

"All right, thank you, I guess." The guy looked at them. "I am Faramir, son of Denethor. Steward of Gondor. And by law, I should slay you now, without leave of Gondor."

"Well please, don't. That might be disastrous," Draco drawled.

"Oh yeah. Forgot about you," Megan said. Draco glared. "That's Draco. He's a boy."

"Charmed," Draco said sarcastically.

"Now, be quick, declare your reason for being here. I have work to do."

Frodo looked at Megan. Megan leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Do not tell them about the Ring…"

Frodo nodded. "Well, you see, it all started back in Rivendell…"

***

"Haldir, do you know where we are?" Renee asked.

"No, but I'll find it," he assured her.

"Well, I'm hungry," Dew said.

"I'll get some food as soon as the plothole recharges," Renee waved her off.

"P You suck." She flittered away.

"Ah, we go this way!" Haldir said, pointing in some direction.

"Yay, more walking. Woohoo!" Renee said.

"Nyah, nyah, I get to fly!" Dew zipped around.

"Oh, come on, where the heck is this place?!" Renee screamed.

"Patience, Renee-sama. You will need to know that for the arts."

"_Great. More training."_

"Yeah, sucks to be you!" Dew said from above them, sticking her tongue out.

"Thanks Dew, I love you too," Renee replied.

"Dew, keep down here. We need to make speed. We should be there by tomorrow, nightfall," Haldir said.

"Thank you Gondor," Renee sighed. "My back hurts."

"Keep on, Renee-sama."

***

"Look! There's the sign!" Legolas pointed.

"Wow, 5.27 leagues, exactly!" Ewan said, surprised. "Now we just go straight, and—AHHHHHHH!!"

"Oh no!" Sami screamed.

"Argh," Gimli grunted.

"This could be bad…" Oliver filled in.

On the left side of the hill there was a sign they saw as they were crashing down.

–You–

"AHHHHHH!" They screamed.

–should–

"AHHHHHH!"

–have–

"AHHHHHH!"

–bought–

"AHHHH*gasp*AHHHH!"

–a–

"AHHHHHH!"

"This is getting old," Katie said.

"It's new to me," Link told her.

"Shut up."

–Pikachu!–

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *CRASH* The car flew off the cliff and landed in a large pile of other cars.

"Oh. My. Gondor," Sami said.

"………" Link clutched the steering wheel.

"AIEEEEE!" Legolas shrieked and pointed at a skeleton lying nearby. It was holding an 'I © Pikachus' bag.

"Uh-oh…" Oliver said.

***

"If we even set foot in _ANOTHER forest…" Pippin's eye twitched neurotically._

"Hommmm…welcome to the Forest of…whatever it is……hommm…"

"…Is that Treebeard?" Merry poked it with a stick. A hand like Orli's appeared and snapped it in two. Merry ran behind Pippin.

"I think that's the Deku Tree…" Ivan looked up at the sleeping tree.

"Hola! Me llamo Leaf Gôte! What's up, dudes?" A leaf with a smiling face and a goatee floated by.

"Gah!" Pippin shrieked. "…What the…?"

"Hey man! You guys lookin' for Treebeard or somethin'?"

"I think so…" Merry scratched his head.

"All right! Follow me then!" Leaf floated off, the two hobbits and wind adept following.

***

"Halt!" Ash Ketchum rode up to Renee, Haldir, and Dew. "We are searching for two hobbits and a young blond child. Have you seen them?"

"No, we haven't." Haldir shook his head.

"Very well." Ash nodded. "You may pass." He and a few of his trainers moved aside.

"What was that all about?"

"Those were the riders of Pokémon." Haldir stopped. "…The orc army…"

"Waah…" Renee looked at an orc. "Hey, isn't that Some Orc?"

"No, that's pieces of Some Orc." Haldir looked at the ground. "Hobbit tracks." He pointed to the _Hobbits Weekly magazine, a few chip bags, and some gum wrappers._

"Litterbugs…I'll bet this belongs to Merry." Renee shoved the magazine in her pocket. Dew sat picking at the chip bags.

"Come through the woods." Haldir chucked Dew in his bag.

"Okay…" Renee trudged behind him.


	22. Twenty-Two

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Two

"I'm tired!" Legolas started to cry.

"Dude, it's only been five minutes." Ewan was busy riding around on a broom with Oliver.

"Yeah, but it's hot, we have no water, we're once again in a desert, AND MERRY STOLE MY OCARINA SO I CAN'T PLAY THE DAMN SONG TO EVEN GET SOME FRICKIN' WATER!!" Link screeched, falling to the ground.

"Sami, plothole, now!" Katie ordered.

"'Kay." Sami opened her plothole and dumped out two cases of bottled water.

"Yay!" Legolas cheered.

"This is drinking water _only," Aragorn preached. "Thou shall not wash thy hair with it."_

"'Bout time we got commandment #6." Katie opened a bottle and knelt down next to Link. "Sip it, don't gulp it."

"Argh, I'm hot." Gimli took off his shirt.

"EEEEEEEWWW!!" everyone shrieked.

"Has thee forgotten thy faith? THOU SHALL NOT STRIP!" Aragorn thundered.

"Argh." Gimli put his shirt back on. "I'm dead sexy and yer crap."

"GRASS!" Legolas rolled on the grass. "T.T I never wanna see sand again!!"

"Sure, but that small patch there is _poison grass, love," Orli pointed out._

"T.T WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Poor Legolas…" Sami rummaged around her plothole for some ointment.

"Hmm…this will help." Gandalf poured some sort of Elven alcohol on Legolas. Legolas only screamed louder. "Oh. Must have been the wrong stuff. Let's try this…"

"No, no." Sami snatched it away. "Just give him some water and he'll be fine."

"Hey, there's a town up ahead!" Katie looked at the map Oliver was holding. "Let's get some pizza!"

***

Faramir listened patiently while Frodo talked; Sam and Megan cut in whenever assistance was needed. Finally, after telling the whole story, they rested.

"And why, may I ask, is a lady traveling with you?" Faramir asked Frodo.

"Well, sh—" Frodo began, but Megan cut him off.

"I didn't want to let poor Frodo be stuck here with these…things, so I kept him company."

"Well, it is rather unusual to ever see a lady travel, except with a large company," he replied.

"Well, get used to it," she muttered.

Meanwhile, Draco sat in the corner. He was hungry and was trying to scrounge some food up. Then Sam plopped down beside him.

"I don't like that lady," he said.

"That's because she doesn't like you. Come to think of it, I don't like you either," Draco told him.

"Oh well. But I want Mr. Frodo back!"

"Well, I want Megan back, but get used to it, pal."

They were interrupted by Gollum. "Aw, how cuteses." He pointed to Megan and Frodo cuddling.

"x.x Uf," Draco mumbled.

***

"Here, look," Renee pointed at the hobbit prints on the ground.

"Yes, they're still fresh. We must be getting close," Haldir replied.

"FOOOOOOOOOD!" Dew yelled.

Haldir and Renee looked at her.

"A—I'm hungry. B—I wanted to hear the echo. And C—If you don't give me something to eat right NOW, I'll hurt you!" Dew screamed.

"We shall eat when we find the hobbits," Haldir said.

"Aww, come on Haldir," Renee whined, "just a bit?"

"No. Now, let's follow these tracks…" he said.

And they started off again.

***

"Dude…this is so sweet!" #4 pulled on the reins of his hippogriff.

"I know, man!" #7 replied.

"Hey…where's the new guy?" #1 piped up.

All of the wraiths looked around for Dennis.

"Oh boy…" #6 rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go back." They turned their hippogriffs around and headed back for Mordor.

***

"Well…here's the town," Oliver said, holding a map. The minimized Fellowship looked up at a broken sign hanging from one corner. In faded letters it read HOGSMEADE.

"This should be fun," Katie said sarcastically. "This is why you never let a _guy read a map!" She yanked it out of Oliver's hands._

"T.T Ow! Papercut!" he griped.

"_How did we get to Hogsmeade?!" Sami demanded. "It's not __in Middle-Earth! It's not even __supposed to be in regular Earth!"_

"Hogsmeade is one of those places that belongs to all worlds, but is part of none," Legolas said wisely.

Link blinked. "Er wha?"

Legolas shrugged. "I dunno, but it sounded good."

"Come on, I know where a good nightclub is!" Oliver whispered to Ewan.

"Cool!" Ewan whispered back.

"THOU SHALT NOT OGLE TOPLESS WITCHES!" Aragorn thundered.

"We can't?" Gandalf asked.

"No."

"Damn."

Meanwhile, Katie had snuck off behind the Three Broomsticks.

"Got any clarinet reeds?" she asked.

Harry looked at her disgustedly. "No! I only sell drugs. And stolen Pokémon cards."

"Drugs and Pokémon cards?" Katie blinked in surprise. "Who would want those?"

A stoned Hufflepuff staggered up to them. "Dude, gimme some meth and a holofoil Exeggutor."

"O.o Well, okay…" Katie said.

"Look, if you don't want anything, then go away," Harry told her irritably. "I have actual customers to attend to."

A group of Ravenclaws walked up. "Acid and all the Charizards you've got. Now," the leader demanded of Katie, pulling out a handful of Sickles.

"But I'm not the dealer. He is!" Katie pointed to Harry, but he was gone. "Um…"

"Listen, we were told that we could get our acid and Charizards here any time of the day…you don't got it…we take you instead." The Ravenclaw advanced on Katie.

"Hi-YAH!" she screamed, delivering a swift kick to the worst place for this Ravenclaw.

He fell, whimpering incoherently, to the ground. However, his six companions slowly encircled Katie.

"LIIIIIIIINK! HEEEEEEEELP!" she shrieked.

Link appeared as hero music began to play. He pulled out his bow and shot all of the Ravenclaws.

"OWWWWW! X.X" They ran away crying.

"Link! My hero!!" Katie kissed him.

"^—^ Dah…dar?" Link grinned stupidly.

"Hey you guys, get back in here!" Sami yelled at them. "We're going to go to Honeydukes!"

"oOo! Candy!" Link ran up, dragging Katie behind her. "Hurry!"

"All right, all right!" Katie adjusted her shirt sleeve, which Link had stretched to twice its normal size.

"Let's go!" Link urged.

"Okay, Oliver and Ewan ended up sneaking off to the nightclub anyway, Gimli, Aragorn, and Gandalf followed them, and you guys, Orli, Legolas, and me are going to buy some candy! ^^" Sami informed them. "Oh, and Renee contacted us via plothole," she added. "They haven't found Merry, Pippin, and Ivan yet."

Katie glared. "I want Ivan back _NOW!"_

"Yeah, we hear ya," Link said. "Now can we go? CANDYcandyCANDYcandyCANDY!!"

"'Kay, yeah, let's go."


	23. Twenty-Three

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Three

"So…er…Leaf, is it? Are you sure this is the way?" Merry looked around. "That tree looks familiar. I think we passed it three times already…"

"Hey, do you guys trust me or not?" Leaf glared at Merry. Ivan was about to say something, but Pippin clamped his hand over his mouth.

"Yeah, we trust ya. Sorry," Pippin mumbled.

"Good." Leaf looked around for a minute as if searching for something. "Oh yeah!" Fluttering to a door, he mumbled something in Tree Breeze. The trees suddenly parted, and a long, winding hall appeared before them. "This way."

"Hey, cool." Merry looked around the hall.

"You there, shorty," Leaf called to Merry. "Keep up! Yous don't wanna keep da boss waiting!"

_._.; Riiiiiiiight… Pippin thought to himself._

"You, Hedgestash! Open up!" Leaf hollered in an intercom.

"Yes, sir," a woman's voice came, the doors opening.

"Hey, Hedge-mama, how you doin'?" Leaf floated by. "We wanna see Treebeard."

"Stop the sarcasm." Hedge, an old dying bush, started coughing. "I gotta quit smokin'…anyway, he's having a meeting with George Bush right now. You'll have to wait."

***

"…and this painting over here…" Some Other Guy was busy giving Megan, Draco, and the rest a tour of Faramir's Traveling Museum of Mysterious…stuff.

"This place sucks." Draco sat in a fancy cart while Sam was dragging him around. Gollum was busy sniping out some rats that had snuck in. "I wanna go home!"

"Oh, shut up, Draco." Megan looked back at him.

"Shut up Draco, nyah, nyah, nyaaaah." Draco made faces once Megan's back was turned.

"Draco's making faces at you!"

"What? I am not!"

"Don't make me come back there!" Frodo threatened.

"…He started it!"

"I did _not! You did!"_

"If you don't settle down _right now, I'll turn this Fellowship around!"_

"…Sorry, Frodo," Draco and Sam grumbled.

"But he did start it!" Draco added quickly.

***

"Great. NOW where are we?" Renee looked around the forest. "We've passed the same tree THREE TIMES already!"

"Calm down, Renee-sama. One does not gain anything by impatience." Haldir sat down in front of a tree and started chanting.

"Oh, for the love of Gondor…" Renee, deeply agitated, sat down on a nearby rock.

"SASEINAKUKEN!" Haldir suddenly leapt up. He slashed his sword in a weird pattern, the leaves and trees surrendering. Landing lightly on the ground, he sheathed his sword.

"That was LISSE'!" Renee jumped up. "Teach me that!"

"One must learn patience first, young grasshopper." Haldir began to walk down the path.

"Aw…" Sighing, Renee leaned against—a door. It suddenly opened. "Haldir-sama!"

"Ah, the entrance." Haldir followed her in.

"Renee!" Pippin called. "Over here!"

"PIPPIN!" Renee ran over, Haldir behind her. "You guys waiting for Treebeard?"

"Yeah, but he's having a meeting right now," Merry sighed.

"Great." Renee sat at the table next to Pippin. "So, ya miss me, Pip?" She rested her chin on the palm of her hand, her elbow on the table.

"Of course I did. You miss me?" Pippin did the same thing. They sat fluttering their eyelashes at each other.

"X.X Oh, Gondor…" Merry slapped his hand on his face and shook his head, while Dew chewed on his backpack.

***

"What the _heck were ya thinking!?!" #6 slapped Dennis._

"T.T I'm sorry!" Dennis started crying, hiding under the table.

"u.u Oh, it's all right…" #8 sighed. "Just get out here and help us go after the Ring."

"Can I wear it?" Dennis grinned.

"…What would the world be like if _he had the Ring?" #2 thought aloud._

"HELL!" #3 chucked Dennis on a hippogriff. "Now let's get going. I'm outta shampoo!"

***

"We've got chocolate-covered frogs, chocolate-covered ants, chocolate-covered beetles, chocolate-covered antelopes…" The pimple-covered wizard droned on behind the counter.

"Antelopes! ^_^" Katie squealed. "Link, will you buy me some chocolate-covered antelopes?"

"Yeah, I guess." Link blinked. "You guys take MasterCard?"

"Yeah. We also take Discovery, Visa, Microsoft…"

"O.o Microsoft?" Orli raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, can I have this?" Sami pulled a green rupee out of Link's pocket.

"Um…okay."

"Yay!" Sami shoved it in her pocket. "You have the candy, Orli?"

Yes, love." Orli called from behind a huge stack of boxes.

"You gotta 'nuff candy to last a lifetime." Katie shoved an antelope into her mouth.

"oOo! Chocolate-covered squirrels!" Legolas grinned evilly.

"-.- Um…yeah." Harry appeared and shoved one up Legolas's nose.

"/ Harry, you ditched me!" Katie pouted.

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that." Harry walked off towards the Three Broomsticks again.

"Hm?" Sami picked up her plothole. "Hello?"

-[.x.x.]-

"Hey, it's me." Renee leaned back in her chair. "We're at Treebeard's with the others."

"Yay!" Sami cheered. 

"I WANNA TALK TO IVAN!" Katie's voice could be heard in the background.

"I'm gonna get massacred in a minute…give Ivan the plothole."

"'Kay. Here, kid." Renee handed Ivan the plothole.

"Hi." Dew sat in the middle of the table, staring at Pippin.

"……You're creeping me out…" Pippin started to sweat. Dew said nothing, just kept staring. "Stop it, man! You're freaking me out!" Pippin kicked his chair over. Dew still sat there.

"Hey, quiet over there!" Hedge coughed out her spleen. It sprouted legs and ran away.

"SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" Pippin ran and hid behind Renee.

"Chill out, dude. She's four inches tall." Renee huggled Pippin.

"Here. It's Sami again." Ivan politely handed the plothole back to Renee and sat down.

"Thanks. Wha?" A frying pan flew out of the plothole and hit George Bush in the head.

"Sorry, Legolas did that." Sami's voice returned.

"That's okay. We're gonna go see Treebeard now. We'll meet up with you guys at Orthanc in a day or two. Bye." Renee hung up.

"Treebeard will see you now." Leaf Gôte floated by again.

"Finally." Merry and the others walked in.

"Hey, welcome." Treebeard leaned back in his chair. "You come to me on the day of my sister's planting, but what can I do for you, eh?"

"We need to get to Orthanc and we though you might help us." Merry sat down and opened a suitcase of money.

"Hey, hobbits! Shrubbery, get the hobbits somethin' to drink." Treebeard waved. "I like yous guys. All right, I'll make you an offer you can't refuse. How many are in your group?"

"Let's see…" Merry quickly counted heads. "Six, if you include the blue thing."

"Don't you be callin' me 'a blue thing,' bub," Dew spat.

"Hey, a mercuy djinn." Treebeard stroked his beard. "I'll bet you're the one they call Dew."

"Yeah, you're ol' friends with a pal o' mine named Sprite, aren't ya?"

"Yeah, I remember him. He cheated out the Dog Flower last spring! Best in my service."

"True dat, but I don't trust ya."

"Hey, you're like a sister to me! Would I cheat you?"

"Guess not. Just get us the transports and everything will work out fine." Dew kicked the suitcase across the desk.

"I will do everything in my power. Leaf!"

"Yeah, boss?"

"Get them the transports!" Treebeard slammed off the intercom. "I'll direct you there personally." He stood up, ushering them out of the room and to his private airport.

"Look boss! Da plane!" Leaf pointed. "She's all ready!"

"Leaf, you do me good." Treebeard handed him a tip, then went back inside.

"…Guys, we don't have a pilot!" Renee suddenly realized. "Damn! Gollum would come in handy right now."

"I can fly it!" Merry jumped in the cockpit, Pippin following.

"x.x Oh, great."


	24. Twenty-Four

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Four

"They wrecked my car!" Frodo grumbled, kicking the broken van in the parking lot.

"Let's just steal this one." Megan climbed inside some SUV that just happened to be there.

"I wanted a window seat!" Draco whined from the back. He was stuck between Sam and Gollum.

"Hahaha!" Sam laughed at him.

"Both of you hush or there's no more stops the rest of the way!" Frodo started the engine and drove off down the road.

"…Can we get Dairy Queen?" Sam pointed to the exit sign.

"Yeah, I think we're all pretty hungry," Megan added.

"Okay, we'll stop." Frodo smiled at Megan, pulling into the Dairy Queen drive-thru.

"Hallo?" A lady's voice came through the speaker.

"I wanna cheeseburger!" Draco demanded.

"#6 with a Sprite! No, a Coke…wait…yeah, a Sprite…no…" Sam looked at the menu.

"Chicken salad," Gollum ordered.

"Okay, we'll have a cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad—" he looked at Megan.

"#2."

"—and two #2's."

"…Okay, so that's a fish sandwich, a #1, a milkshake, and six #4's?"

"Um…no. A cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad, and two #2's."

"Right…a cookie-dough concrete, a #3, a dirty fries, and 3 #5's?"

"Oh, Gondor…" Frodo sighed. "Listen up. I WANT A CHEESEBURGER, A NUMBER SIX, A CHICKEN SALAD, AND TWO NUMBER TWOS!"

"…A dirty fries, a large coke, a burger with ketchup, and two #7's?"

"/ Forget it! We're going to McDonald's." Frodo drove off.

"That was a waste of time." Draco pouted as they pulled into McDonald's.

"Hi!" A cheery voice greeted them.

"Okay…we want a cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad, and two #2's."

"A cheeseburger, a #6, a chicken salad, and two #2's?"

"Yeah!" Frodo smiled, everyone cheering.

"Okay, pull around front please!"

"Hi, Kindra!' Megan waved at the McDonald's worker.

"Hey, what's up with all the short dudes?"

Megan shrugged. "Dunno. Why are you working at the McDonald's in Mordor?"

"It pays better," Kindra explained as she handed Frodo the food.

"Can we get going now?" Sam demanded.

"Sure!" Frodo peeled out of the parking lot, taking the corner on two wheels. "Pass out the food, babe."

"All right, Frodo." Megan grinned at him as she grabbed the McDonald's bag. "Chicken salad?"

"Mineses!'

"#6?"

Sam speared the meal on his pitchfork.

"Cheeseburger?"

"Yo." Draco, being an expert Seeker of course, caught the flying cheeseburger effortlessly. "Ew!" he exclaimed as he unwrapped it. "This has secret sauce on it!"

"Eatses!" Gollum ordered.

"No." Draco sat there with his arms crossed.

Frodo sighed. "You know," he said to Megan, "I'm really starting to get tired of this Draco kid."

Megan nodded in agreement. "Yeah, he's always complaining. And he doesn't even wear leather."

"Is the plothole all charged up?"

"Should be." Megan checked the power meter on the plothole, which was plugged into the cigarette lighter. "Yep! Who do we trade him for?"

"You pick, babe."

Megan though for a moment, then grinned evilly. "Pull over," she whispered.

"All right." Frodo pulled over to the side of the road.

Megan quietly snuck into the backseat, then activated the plothole and jammed it over Draco's head.

"Damn," Draco said as he disappeared into the plothole.

Then, she pulled the next Fellowship member out of it.

"Where am—" His question was cut off by Megan's enthusiastic glomp. "Get—off—of—ME!!"

"Uh, Frodo? D'you think you could cut these spiderwebs off of me?" Megan asked, trying to free herself.

Sam snickered quietly. "I think I'm gonna like you," he told the new guy.

"Er…thanks…I think."

***

"You guys…HELLO?! ANYBODY HOME?!" Sami screeched at Oliver, Ewan, Aragorn, Gandalf, and Gimli.

"o.o Dur, wha?" Oliver and Ewan looked up, long strings of drool hanging from their mouths.

"X.X Ew." Link winced.

Sami whipped out a frying pan and peat them over the head. "Come on! And you shouldn't be looking at—that—anyway!" she added, gesturing toward the stage. She turned around and took a swing at Aragorn. "You! You're a hypocrite!"

"Thou shall not hit Jesus," Katie muttered under her breath.

"Well…I…er…see…" Aragorn looked around for help.

"¯o¯ It was _your idea to follow Oliver and Ewan," Gandalf said, leaning back and smoking some more pipeweed._

"Oh. Right."

"Anyway, we gotta go, you guys," Katie said. "Gotta meet Merry, Pippin, Dew, Haldir, Renee, and Ivan in Orthanc. Come on!!" She pulled Oliver and Ewan up by their collars. "You guys too!" she yelled at Gandalf, Aragorn, and Gimli.

"Right, right…"

***

"Ring, ring, we have to find the riiiiiiiiiing!" Dennis sang loudly.

"X.X Dude, you sing AWFUL," #7 covered his ears.

"Yeah, it goes more like _this." #2, 4, 5, and 8 lined their hippogriffs up in a row._

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…" #2 sang in a deep bass voice.

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…" #4 joined.

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…"

"Ringwraaaaaaiths…"

"O.o A barber-wraith quartet?" Dennis asked.

"Only the best in Middle-Earth," #1 told him, applauding.

"…oh…okay."

"Come on, guys," #3 said. "We have to get the ring _soon. Or else he might cut the power on our tanning beds."_

***

"AIEEEEEEE!" Renee screeched. "Merry, you're supposed to LOOK if you're the pilot!"

"Sorry." Merry looked sheepish. "Dropped my gum on the floor."

"We'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnaDIE!!!" Renee closed her eyes.

"Re_lax." Pippin put his arm around her. "Merry's a pro!" Just then, the plane took a sharp dive._

"MERRY!" Renee yelled.

"_I could do a better job flying than __that chump!" Dew shouted._

"Yano, I actually think you could," Renee told her."

"Ha. So lemme fly!" Dew started to peck at Merry's head.

"OW! THAT! HURTS! OW!" Merry ducked.

"AIEEEEEEEE! DEW! STOP!" Renee shrieked as the plane rocketed upward.

Ivan yawned in the corner. He, Pippin, and Haldir had started a game of Egyptian Rats.

"Hey, look, I think we're here!" Merry cut the engine and the plane fell 2900 feet to the ground.

"Ow."

"Oops, sorry 'bout that!" Merry apologized. "Little rough landing."

"Oh, yeah, just a little," Renee said sarcastically.

"Come on!" Ivan said, opening the plane door. "Let's go!"

***

"So…who are you?" Sam cast a sideways glance at the newest Fellowship member.

"Peter Parker!" Megan squealed, latching onto him.

"Ow."

Frodo glared at Peter. Peter sat there, still confused.

"On to Mordor!" Gollum demanded.

"Fine." Frodo grumbled, turning the car back on.

"So…what's Mordor?" Peter asked Sam. Megan was too busy ogling him from the front seat.

"Land of Doom, basically. We have to destroy some Ring, something, something, yeah."

"Oh…hey, you like physics?" Peter asked, pulling out a book.

"Oh, sure." Sam nodded, he and Peter looking at the physics book.

"u.u Aw…" Megan sighed. "/ Evil Sam."


	25. Twenty-Five

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Five

"Four miles to Orthanc," Sami looked back at the green sign.

"Yay! Four more miles till I get my Ivan back!" Katie squealed.

"-.- Ivan _this, Ivan __that." Link pouted._

"XD 'Scuse me for bein' worried." Katie tackled him, both falling over the backseat.

"O.o;; That was interested." Orli sweatdropped.

"Apple pies high up…sky ho!" Aragorn and Gimli were in the front of the large van, singing some stupid song.

"…I'm bored." Legolas looked at Sami.

"…So?" Sami moved over a bit toward the window.

"^_________^ Can I do your nails?" He whipped out a manicure kit.

"XD Sure, why not?" Sami held out her hands. "I want cherry red."

"K."

"I spy with my little eye something…ugly!" Ewan announced.

Oliver looked around. "Gimli!" He grinned.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They started laughing, then fell off the seat.

"OW! x.x" Ewan rubbed his head.

"^○^ Hi! Wanna play cards?" Katie sat playing Hearts with Link.

"Sure." Oliver dealt the deck.

"…You shouldn't make that move." Ewan eyed Link.

"If I did, you would counter it with that card, of which I could hit you big time with." Link smirked.

"/ Never play cards with Jedis." Katie pulled out her GBA and started playing _Golden Sun._

"…Yeah, okay love. Byebye." Orli hung up the plothole. "We're meeting them at the Holiday Inn."

***

"Okay, now that we're here, we have work to do," Treebeard said.

"What…work?" Merry asked.

"We Ents have a little score to settle with that wizard Saruman," he spat the name.

"oOoOo, can we help?" Renee asked.

"Sure. I already have the Ent army here. They've been putting out the trenches with water from the river. We're going to flood the place. So be ready!"

"'Lisse…" Pippin said.

"Okay, you two short ones," he pointed at Merry and Pippin, "stay here at the gate. I'm expecting people. Tell them I'll be by the tower."

"Uh, okay," Merry said.

"Where's the food?" Pippin blinked.

"Should be some in that guard house over there." Ivan pointed.

"Right, now the rest of you roam around. Kill any orc you see. We'll round you up later."

"Haha! 'Lisse!" Renee yelled, grabbing her sword and running off.

"Renee-sama! Wait, this will be good training!" Haldir yelled at her retreating back.

"Ugh…" she grunted from a distance.

"Okay, let's go Dew." Ivan and Dew started forward.

"Leaf! I need Leaf!" Treebeard yelled.

"Yeah?" Leaf asked, appearing beside him.

"I need my phone."

"Right, here you are."

"Thanks man, take a twenty."

"^_^ Thanks!" Leaf flounced off.

Treebeard punched in some numbers, and a voice came on the other end of the line.

"Yessir?"

"Go to the tower. Get Saruman out. Ready, forward!" he bellowed through the phone.

"Is this what Middle-Earth has come to?" Merry asked.

Pippin just shrugged.

***

"Dude, look!" #3 pointed.

"oOoOoOoOo! A candy shop! Let's go!" Dennis ran for the store.

#6 grabbed the back of his robe. "Uh-uh!" He scolded Dennis, shaking his finger.

"T.T But why?" Dennis whined.

"Too many calories!" #7 told him, as if it were obvious. "Besides, you need to work off the ones you already have."

"Wha?" Dennis asked, pinching his stomach.

"Not even for a bit?" #1 questioned innocently.

"Not if you don't want to lost your six-pack," #5 said.

"O.O Lose my six-pack?!" #1 shrieked. "No!"

"Then no candy."

#1 sighed. "Fine…"

***

"Hey babe?" Frodo asked.

Megan didn't hear him, being too busy ogling Peter again.

"Um…I think the short driver person wants you." Peter pointed.

"♥.♥ …Yeah…"

"Right." He looked at Sam. "HEY! DON'T EAT MY PHYSICS BOOK!"

Sam looked up stupidly, half a page hanging out of his mouth. "Wha?" Peter grabbed the book away from the hobbit, muttering under his breath.

"Babe…"

Megan sighed, still gazing at Peter.

"BABE!"

"What?" Megan snapped.

"I don't know. This might just be a hunch, but I think we're close to Mordor." He pointed out the window.

A great orc army came out of a gate. Leading them was none other than Larry.

"Oh, great, hide! I don't want them to see us!" Megan said.

"Okay." Frodo pulled over into the woods, and they watched the orcs pass.

"Hold up one minute." Larry halted the army.

"Uh-oh…think he sees us?" Megan whispered. 

"There's no way. Maybe he's connected to the Ring!" Frodo said.

"Frodo, no!" Megan grabbed Frodo's arm. He was trying to put the Ring on. "Peter! Wrap him up with your web-shooter!"

Peter shot some webs at Frodo, successfully binding his arms together.

"oOo, Ringses!" Gollum hissed.

"Gollum…" Megan warned.

"Sorries."

"NO! Give me the Ring!" Frodo screeched.

Finally, after some more web-shooting, Frodo was safely subdued in the front seat.

"Never mind," Larry said to the orcs. "Must have been something I ate. Move out."

Megan wiped her brow. "Frodo, we need to talk…"

***

"oOoOoOoOoOoOo…" Everyone stared in awe at the city of Orthanc.

"Are we in the right city?" Katie asked, devouring her daily bag of Chex Mix. "This looks like a big city."

"Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!" A sheep walked down the street with a pink poodle.

"…Was that a sheep?" Legolas blinked twice. Link grabbed his hair and yanked. Legolas let out a yelp.

"No, that's a chicken." Ewan shook his head. "And I thought Elves were smart."

"Here we are!" Aragorn parked the van at the Holiday Inn.

"Yay!" Sami hopped out of the van. Dashing inside, she ran right into Joey Wheeler, making them both fall down.

"Careful, girlie. Might hurt yourself!" Joey helped Sami up.

"Joey!" Katie squealed, tackling the Yu-Gi-Oh! kid.  Link grabbed the Sam-Bat™ and dragged Gimli off behind a car.

"Yeah, hi. Listen, those guys you were supposed to meet are busy fighting someplace and won't show up for awhile."

"/ Grrr…" Katie growled, kicking Some Hotel Worker. "I WANT IVAN!"

"Ow!" Some Hotel Worker started crying and ran off.

"So we're just delayed a little while longer. Calm down, love," Orli assured her.

"…Go away." Katie kicked Orli over to Sami.

"Hm…guess we're stuck in the city for awhile."

"Let's go to the hotel pool!" Sami suggested.

"We have business to attend to." Aragorn stood up. "Gimli, Legolas, come."

"But I wanna go shopping!" Legolas whined.

"Fine. Then stupid boys, you will join me."

"Wha?" Ewan looked up from mixing Legolas's hair crap together.

"The rest of you…do something. We shall return shortly." Aragorn floated off towards a castle, the others behind him.

"Now what?" Sami looked at Orli.

"Let's go shopping!" Legolas pranced about, then clung to Joey. "^○^ And you can buy me stuff!"

"X.X Um…no." Joey shoved Legolas off him, and ran behind Sami.

"…I don't even want to know." Link sighed, shaking his head. "Can't we just ditch him somewhere? He's pointless!"

"T.T Saaaaamiiiiii…" Legolas whimpered.

"Sorry Link. He's staying."


	26. Twenty-Six

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Six

Frodo was still mumbling in the front seat.

"Frodo," Megan began lecturing, "you are supposed to be the Ringbearer. You cannot allow this evil to take you over."

Frodo muttered under his breath some more.

"Okay Peter, take the webs off." Peter reached over and cut the webs off.

"I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP THE RING!" Frodo yelled.

"You just did backses there," Gollum pointed out. "You could gives it to me…my precioussssss…"

"Gollum, no."

"Wellses…"

"A temporary demon came over me. This voice inside my head told me to give it up. It kind of had a southern accent…"

"Oh boy…" Megan rolled her eyes.

***

"Haha! Haldir! Orc!" Renee screamed.

"Now wait, Renee-sama. Do not just run after it."

Renee stopped in mid-leap. She kind of hovered in midair for a second before crashing to the ground.

"Er…then…what do I do?" she asked.

"Be patient! Control your mind and—"

"Oh, enough of patience! I've had it already! Can't I just _go?"_

"No. Wait here. We must discuss our attack plans."

***

"So, Merry, let's go to the front desk and see who we have to welcome." Pippin said.

"Uh, weren't we supposed to wait at the gate for people?"

"Yeah, but no one goes to the gate anymore! They get in through the Holiday Inn attached to the back!"

"Oh, okay." Merry said.

They walked toward the Holiday Inn and opened the doors. They looked in at the continental breakfast going on.

"Merry! FOOD!" Pippin cried.

The two hobbits launched themselves at a pile of biscuits of gravy.

"Now this is _good!" Merry said with a full mouth._

"I do believe we have found our lost friends," a voice said.

Merry and Pippin looked up.

"Gandalf!" Pippin yelled. They latched onto the old wizard.

"Ah, my dear friends," Gandalf said.

"MERRY! PIPPIN!" Katie yelled from across the room. She raced over to them. "Where's my Ivan?" she demanded.

"Uh…" Merry looked at Pippin.

"Out…side?" Pippin looked up questioningly.

"ARGH!" Katie screamed.

***

"Think we should go meet Treebeard now, Dew?" Ivan asked.

"I don't know. I just want some food."

"Food, food, food. That's all you _ever want." Ivan gave her a Look._

"/ So? I'm _hungry!" Dew flew in angry circles. "Gimme some bacon!"_

"Fine, here." Ivan pulled some bacon from nowhere and threw it at her.

Suddenly, Katie's shrieking surrounded them. "I WANT IVAN _NOW! GO GET HIM!"_

"Katie!" Ivan grinned. "Knew she'd miss me!"

***

"I WANT _MY IVAN!" Katie continued ranting, tossing random things around._

"Katie, chill, god, he's like fifteen," Link said.

"Link, I'm warning you…" She was cut off by the door opening.

"IIIIIVAAAAAAAN! ^____________^" She ran at him and gave him a big hug.

Link took the Sam-Bat™ and stalked off.

"Okay," Gandalf said, "now we just need Megan, Frodo, Sam, Draco, Gollum, Renee, Haldir, Aragorn, Oliver, Ewan, and Gimli."

"How did you know about Draco?" Sami asked.

"Never question a wizard's sources."

"Whatever."

***

"¡No quiero huevos!" A man on the TV hollered at Some Lady (Yes, Some Guy's sister). Dennis sat on the couch with a box of Kleenex, sniffling and dabbing at the tears running down his face.

"O.o Dude, what in Gondor's name are you watching?" #3 folded his arms.

"T.T Spanish soaps. Pablo just told Some Lady that he _didn't want eggs!" Dennis began bawling his eyes out._

"T.T It is quite sad," Saruman agreed, taking the Kleenex from Dennis and blowing his nose.

"x.x Um…I'm gonna go get a tan then. Bye." #3 crept out the door.

"Hey, what's going on?" #7 asked, walking down the hall with #3 toward Isengard's tanning room.

"Oh, you know. Saruman's playing faves with the newbie again." #3 rolled his eyes.

"God, I can't _stand the newbie." #7 cringed. "He's so…UGLY…and STUPID!"_

"I heard he can't even work a calculator!" #3 smirked.

"O.O Even _Larry can work a calculator."_

"Heh…that's the sad thing." #3 approached the counter. "Hey Julie. Our tanning beds open?"

"Just a minute." Amanda aka Julie checked the computer. "Yes they are!" She handed them the keys.

"Thanks. Later."

***

"Okay, now if we've all calmed down, we can start up again." Megan had managed to settle down Frodo.

"Yeah, we're okay." Frodo turned on the engine and pulled back onto the road.

"Look at me!" Sam took Peter's mask and put it on his heade.

"Yuck." Peter made a face. "Now I gotta sterilize it." Disgusted, he yanked it off Sam's head.

"Here." Frodo turned on the overhead TV and chucked headphones in the back. "Shut up and watch TV."

"Yay!" Sam, Peter, and Gollum cheered and began watching Pokémon.

"Ah, yes. The power of Pikachu." Megan rolled her eyes.

"Move!" Frodo shrieked, calling to the road. He crashed right into the Kraft® Dairy Fairy®, which flew over the back of the car and lay in the interstate.

"o.o; That was scary." Megan gripped Frodo's hand. Peter picked up a road map and hit Sam.

"Ow! Why won't you hit _him?" Sam pointed to Gollum. Gollum patted his sniper rifle and smiled._

"'Cause of that."

***

"T.T I'll never let the evil orcs get you ever again, never ever ever!" Katie huggled Ivan until the point where he was practically turning blue.

"x.x And for that, I thank you, but can you please let me go? x.x I…can't…breathe…" Ivan gasped.

"o.o; Oh, sorry." Katie put him down.

"Hey there munchkin. Long time, no see." Joey waved. He and Ivan went over to the breakfast where Merry and Pippin were still stuffing their faces.

"That is _so gross." Legolas made a face._

"Ugh, you're telling me. Hey, you wanna go shopping with me for a bit?" Viole walked up.

"^○^ Sure!" Legolas and Viole dashed off to the mall.

"Guys, there's trees with machine guns outside." Link dropped Some Guy on the ground and handed Gandalf the Sam-Bat™

"Hi everyone!" Megan walked in with Frodo, Sam, Gollum, and Peter.

"…Aren't you supposed to be in Mordor?" Katie asked.

"Yes, but…XD" Megan grinned. Renee, Haldir, Aragorn, Oliver, and Ewan ran in dragging Legolas.

"Hey, we're not supposed to meet up until later," Renee pointed out.

"…So?" Link blinked.

"We'll split up later. We have stuff to do first." Katie dragged everyone upstairs.

"OOO! Food!" Merry and Pippin's eyes widened.

"You can eat that later. Everybody hide, and when Orli leads Sami back in, jump out and yell surprise." Megan and Frodo explained, then went to hide in the closet.

"…Surprise? Link blinked. "Did I miss a memo?"

"It's her birthday," Katie whispered.

"Oh."

"Here she comes!" Renee dashed behind the couch with Gollum and Joey.


	27. Twenty-Seven

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Seven

"So what did you want to show me?" Sami asked.

"It's in here, love." Orli scanned the card key and opened the door.

"It's dark in here." Sami stepped inside. "…And where is everybody?"

"You'll see them soon, love." Orli flipped up the light switch.

"SURPRISE!!" Everyone jumped up, except Legolas.

"Hey…where's Legolas?" Ewan looked around.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Sami! Happy birthday to youuuuuuu!" Legolas popped up out of the cake.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan were on the floor, rolling with laughter.

"That's gotta be embarrassing…" Joey grinned.

"Er…XD…thanks, Legolas…" Sami sweatdropleted. "…I think…"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Renee, Merry, and Pippin surrounded her and smothered her in hugs.

"^^ I feel so loved!" Sami grinned. "Thanks you guys!!"

"You're welcome!" everyone chorused.

"I feel pretty, I feel pretty…" Legolas burst out while climbing out of the cake.

"X.X Legolas, GO PUT CLOTHES ON!" Link yelled.

Legolas pouted. "But I'm so pretty!" he protested, standing up.

"AHHHHH!" everyone screamed.

Dew attacked the cake.

"DEW!" Ivan yelled.

"Do you _know what was __in there?!" Renee shrieked. "EW!"_

Dew looked up at Renee, then at the cake. She looked back up at Renee, then the cake.

"I'm gonna be _SICK!" the little blue Djinni exclaimed. "Gimme some bacon!"_

"Um…'kay!" Katie rummaged around in Megan's plothole before pulling out a package of bacon. "Here."

"…It's cold! I'm gonna die in a minute!" Dew spat.

"/ Ungrateful water djinni," Katie grumbled. "Hey Link!"

"What?" Link looked up at her from lying on the couch. Immediately, the bacon somehow fried itself. "¬.¬ Oh, for the love of Naryu…"

"XD Thanks!" Katie chucked the bacon at Dew. "Where's Ivan?"

"He said he was going to church. Something about yelling at people." Jew threw a bedsheet on Legolas. Everyone quit fleeing in terror and came back in.

"¯o¯ Oh. 'Kay then." Katie kicked the cake out in the hall.

"T.T Why did Legolas have to ruin the cake?" Merry and Pippin cried into Renee's shoulders.

"^^; Don't worry, we'll get a new cake later."

"oOo! Presents!" Sami squealed, hopping around the overly stacked pile. "Can I open them, Aragorn? PLEASE?"

"Oh, all right." Aragorn handed her the first present. "This one's from Gandalf."

"oOo!" Sami ripped it open eagerly. "Wha?!?" She held up the Honeybee Inn outfit.

"XD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ewan and Oliver laughed for about the bazillionth time in this story.

"x.x Um…"

"I thought it'd look cute on you," Gandalf wheezed.

"o Pervert!" Sami kicked him across the room.

"Yay!" Random people cheered.

"Here, Legolas." Sami handed the Elf the outfit. "You'd probably get more use out of this."

"This is from the hobbits." Aragorn shoved a big box over to Sami.

"Yay!" Sami tore the paper to shreds. "Er…what is it?" She blinked.

"Who knows? We bought it off Ebay from some Harry Potter guy."

"XD Must be good for something…" Sami went through the rest of her gifts. She received a Gimli-Bat from Katie (They're a bit heavier than Sam-Bats. They also have spikes.), a spell book from Megan, some CDs from Renee, something pointless from Dew, nail polish from Legolas, tickets to see _Episode II and __Chamber of Secrets from Ewan and Oliver, a raincheck from Link (who apparently missed the memo), and plenty of other useless junk. "Thanks you guys! This really means a lot to me!"_

"One more gift, love." Orli smiled and handed her an envelope. Sami looked confused for a bit, but started screaming when she peered into the envelope.

"What's with her?" Joey looked at Peter.

Peter shrugged. "I guess it was actually something useful."

"KEYS TO A VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE!" Sami tackled Orli and covered him with kisses. "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!"

"Lucky! I wanna car too!" Renee pouted.

"I'll buy you one when we get back to the Shire." Pippin shrugged.

"You gotta be 15 to get your license in Middle-Earth."

"Damn!" Renee kicked Sam. He ran off crying down the hall with the ruined cake.

"I want a car!" Megan looked at Frodo. "An expensive one from Italy-Town, too."

"Okay, babe." Frodo winked.

"T.T I feel poor!" Link sobbed.

"Aww, it's okay! ^○^ You don't have to buy me a car!" Katie hugged him.

"Really?"

"/ You never let me drive in the first place."

"Oh."

"I think it's about time we split up again." Ivan walked back into the room.

"You're staying with me this time!" Katie picked him up and headed downstairs.

"So…uh…now what?" Peter asked.

"I don't know." Oliver shoved a pretzel up Ewan's nose.

"Ow!" Ewan fell over.

"Here, you can be Keeper of the Book." Sami handed the large complete volume of _LotR. "Read that and keep track of what's going on. Take this too." She shoved one of the spare plotholes at him. "For contact. I'm number one on the speed-dial. Renee's is number two, and Megan's is number 3. Though you'll be with her, so that shouldn't matter."_

"Thanks." Peter pocketed his new items and followed Megan, Frodo, Sam, and Gollum back out to Frodo's van.

"'Kay…um…" Renee scratched her head. "So where do we go again?"

"Merry goes with the Riders of Pokémon, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli find the dead dudes, and Gandalf and Pippin…do something?" Sami guessed.

"I don't know. Just chuck everybody someplace and go with it." Legolas pouted.

"Well, I don't like dead stuff, so I'll go with this Merry guy." Joey shoved Dew in a flowerpot and handed it to Sami. "But you guys are keeping that." Merry and Joey walked over to the corner to discuss something stupid.

Sami took the flowerpot and tossed it to Katie. "You pulled her out of the plothole."

Katie gave the flowerpot to Ivan, whom she had chained to her arm. "Here, look after her," she told him.

"You!" Ivan gave the flowerpot to Pippin. "You can have her."

Pippin gave Dew to Renee, who gave it to Orli, who passed it to Ewan, who dropped it on Oliver.

"Flowerpot, flowerpot!" Renee and Sami began to chant together. "Who's got the flowerpot? Whoever's got the flowerpot is O-U-T—"

Oliver sat up quickly and chucked Dew at Legolas. By reflex, Legolas caught it before it hit the ground.

"OUT!" Sami and Renee finished singing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed for the bazillion and first time.

"Let's have a party!" Oliver suggested.

Link blinked. "But we just had a party," he pointed out.

"But we didn't have _cake!" Pippin protested, pouting._

"True…" Link said.

Oliver and Ewan grabbed Sami's plothole and pulled out a huge cake, some cupcakes, vanilla and chocolate ice cream, and some absinthe.

"_This is a party menu!" Ewan said happily. Oliver agreed._

"I call the first piece of cake!" Pippin announced.

Dew burst out of the flowerpot. "Cake, here I come!"

[x.x]

Sam waited carefully until he thought no one was looking. He shot his hand out to grab the Starburst that was on the floor of the van, but—

"Noses!" Gollum yelled, seizing Sam's arms. "Mineses." He snatched up the cherry Starburst, unwrapped it, and popped it into his mouth.

_Riiiiiing… Something…well, rang._

"Hey, Peter, I think that's your plothole," Megan said.

"Oh." He opened it up. "Hello?" he asked hesitantly.

"…I loff youuuuuu!" a voice came from the other end of the plothole.

"What?"

[x.x]

"I…I loff you!" Sami was laughing so hard she fell over. Or maybe she fell over because…

"Ewan, just how much of that absinthe did you let her have?" Katie shrieked.

"Just…*hic*…a couple a sips…a glass or two…maybe a bottle or so…"

"I loff you, Spidey-Man!" Sami exclaimed before passing out.

"x.x Eh…" Ewan sweatdropped. "Well, it _is her birthday…"_

"Yeah, her birthday six years underage," Renee told him.

"Well…"

[x.x]

"Hello? Hello?" Peter looked at the plothole oddly.

"Who was it?" Megan asked.

Peter shrugged. "I dunno. Must have been a prank call."

***

"Anyway, we need to get sorted out here," Renee told everyone. "Gandalf—"

"I'm going to Minas Tirith," he told her.

"Uh, yeah. I'm gonna go with you, and—"

"If you're going, then I'm going!" Pippin interrupted.

"Well, duh. Anyway, everyone else, head toward us or something. Bye!" Renee pulled a Pepsi can out of her pocket and held it out for Pippin and Gandalf.

"Wassat?" Pippin looked at the soda can.

"A Portkey…duh…" Oliver said.

"Oh…"

Renee looked at her watch. "Bye everyone!" she exclaimed. In a flash, they were gone.

"I'm going with the Riders of Pokémon now," Merry spoke up.

"Who?" Legolas asked. Just then, Ash, Tracey, and someone else rode up.

"Them." Merry jerked his head toward them.

"I'm gonna go wit' ya, kid," Joey said.

"Okay," Merry agreed. One more horse arrived. Joey mounted it and Merry climbed on behind him.

"Bye, you guys!" They waved and rode off.

"What now?" Oliver glanced around.

"We shall take the Paths of the Dead," Aragorn proclaimed. "This way," he said, leading them.

"Okay…" Orli picked up Sami, and the remaining Fellowship followed Aragorn toward the Paths of the Dead.


	28. Twenty-Eight

Invading the Fellowship

Part Twenty-Eight

"Wraiths!" Saruman bellowed. The wraiths, including Dennis, all dashed into Saruman's office.

"What? We were busy!" #3 leaned against the doorframe.

"You're going into battle. Get ready," he snarled.

"Battle? Ugh, I'll get all sweaty and I might get a pimple!" #5 gasped, the rest of the wraiths doing the same.

"oOo! Pimples!" Dennis popped a huge zit on his nose.

"EW!" The wraiths ran terrified into the bathroom, locking themselves in.

"You are just SO cute!" Saruman giggled.

***

"Er...do we really have to go through this cave?" Sam clung to Peter.

"Yuck, get off," Peter shoved him off.

"Ghosts could be haunting the place!" Sam whimpered.

"Ghostes!" Gollum reloaded his double-barrel shotgun. "Boomstick frighten ghostes!"

"Gollum frighten Sam," Sam muttered.

"Megan and Frodo show no sympathy," Frodo hit the power lock on the SUV. They headed out of the parking lot into the cave.

"Onses twoses threeses fourses..." Gollum was busy counting again.

"...AHHHHHHH!" Sam screamed and passed out. 

"It's just a bug..." Megan pointed.

"Ghostie bug!" Gollum shot at it.

"...Isn't that the bug Legolas was afraid of back in Moria?" Frodo peered closely at it. "...And in Gimli's beard?"

"Gimli?" Boromir's ghost appeared.

"AHHHHHHHH! NAKED GHOST!" Frodo-tachi dashed further into the cave, trying to escape the hideous nude figure.

***

"I'm bored...there's nothing but dead stuff," Renee sighed.

"Patience, young grasshopper. Things are not always what they seem," Haldir looked around cautiously.

"Argh, enemies might attack," Gimli grunted.

"Here is the road." Aragorn halted the group. One sign pointed to Gondor, the other to the Paths of the Dead. He turned to Renee, Pippin, and Gandalf, who stood at the end of the road. "May Gondor bless thee and keep thee. May Gondor's light shine upon thee and be gracious unto thee, may he lift his conscious upon thee, and give thee peace."

"Amen," everyone mumbled.

"Now go in peace..."

"...okay...." Renee blinked, then quickly followed Pippin and Gandalf down the road.

"T-That w-was s-so b-beautiful!" Legolas blubbered, then burst out crying.

"Sap..." Link rolled his eyes.

"Oh my Gondor! He said something different!" Oliver gasped, he and Ewan laughing as usual.

"oOo Pretty plant!" Sami reached for something.

"I'll get it!" Legolas picked up the plant. "oOo smells nice!"

"XD That's poison maple," Link snickered.

"He whole laughs at his enemy will be laughed at ten times more," Haldir advised him. 

"What about them?" he pointed at Oliver and Ewan.

"Argh, they're too stupid," Gimli grunted.

***

"Why does HE get to be the leader?!" #1 protested. "_I'M_ the leader of the wraiths!"

"I don't like you anymore," Saruman folded his arms. "I like Dennis better."

"B-B-But why?!" #1 started to cry.

"Aw, it's alright." #6 patted him on the back after Saruman and Dennis left. "How about we go get some low-fat yogurt and a manicure, all right?" The other wraiths nodded sympathetically.

"T.T okay..." #1 sniffled, following the others back to the café.

***

"Okay, Now where are we?" Megan looked around. "EEE! Another ghost!"

"Ghostes!" Gollum shot it. The shodtie shrieked and flew off, allowing Gollum time to reload his gun.

"We're supposed to run into a spider," Peter flipped through the manual.

"EEEK! I hate spiders!" Sam crawled on top of Frodo, shaking.

"Get off!" Frodo threw Sam into a pool of water.

"Pika-poo," Sam grumbled, once again in his Pikachu state.

***

"Katie, we can't just STOP walking so you can watch TV," Ewan objected. 

"oOo Yu-Gi-Oh's on!" Link grinned, dashing to the TV.

"oOoOo!" Oliver, Ewan, Gimli, Orli, Legolas, and Aragorn all ran over to the TV, shoving Katie out of the way.

"What's Yu-Gi-Oh?" Joey asked Merry who shook his head.

"Hey!! That's _MY_ TV!" Katie pouted.

"Did I miss something?" Sami blinked.

"No." Dew sat gnawing on Joey's head.

"Go away," Joey shoved Dew in a flowerpot. 

"Actually, it's a new conspiracy," Legolas said.

"Kinda like Pokémon?"

"Yeah, 'cept everyone's after Yugi instead of Ash."

"X.X that's creepy..."

[[.:x:.]]

"Gimli!"

"Boromir!" They cried, then frolicked off to a dead tree.

"...Is that supposed to happen?" Joey blinked.

"I don't think so...call Gimli back, we'd best be going." Ivan let Dew out of the pot, who perched herself on his staff.

"oOoOo *hic* Birdie!" Oliver reached for Dew, but fell over.

"My *hic* birdie!" Ewan grabbed Dew, squeezing her so her eyes bugged out.

"Hey!" Dew shot water in his face. Ewan let go of Dew and fell over on top of Oliver.

"Dude, get off me," Oliver said.

"Meow," said Kitty-Ewan before passing out.

"Lord," Sami muttered, throwing water on Ewan, then hauling him back up.

"Yes?" Aragorn asked.

"Argh."

***

"So, Gandalf, where are we going?" Renee asked.

"We are going to Minas Tirith. We shall speak to the Steward Denethor about Boromir, then stay there a while," Gandalf replied.

"Indoor plumbing?" Renee asked hopefully.

"No."

"Damn..."

"Should we tell him about Boromir and Gimli?" Pippin asked.

Renee stifled a laugh. Gandalf looked up, "Sure, I don't give a care. Renee, get my pipeweed out."

Renee snorted and handed Gandalf his pipe. Gandalf lit it and breathed in. Then he started coughing. Pippin and Renee started cracking up.

"What in the name of Gondor is this stuff?!" Gandalf screamed.

"It's...it's...GRASS!" Pippin laughed. Renee was rolling on the ground.

"Ugh," Gandalf coughed some more. "It's not that funny."

***

"All right," Aragorn bellowed to the rest of the Fellowship and to the Riders of Pokémon. "This is where we must part. Those choosing the Paths of the Dead, come with me. I will show you the light. Otherwise, stay."

A group of men hurried forward including Ash, Brock, and Merry (Who got a lot of funny looks). Gimli and Legolas looked at each other, then slowly backed away.

"No, Merry, you stay here," Aragorn said.

"No! Don't leave me with them!" He pointed at Katie and Sami, who looked back at him innocently. "I see the light! I can feel it!"

"Dude, you're starting to freak us out," Oliver said to him.

"No Merry, Gimli, Legolas, Link, Haldir, Oliver, Ewan," Aragorn suppressed a shudder, "Orlando, Ivan, and Joey, I bid you come with me." 

Legolas let out a whimper and cowered behind Sami.

"Nah, I wanna stay here," Joey said.

"See! Now I can go! Come on Aragorn!" Merry pleaded.

"Merry, NO!"

"Oi, why don't we get to go?" Katie asked.

"You would probably be better off going then Legolas," Sami whispered to Katie.

"I take only those with which I have use for," Aragorn replied.

"Oh you little..." Katie lunged at Aragorn, but Link caught her.

"Stay here, please?" he whispered.

"Link! You better let me go!" Katie tried breaking free.

"Katie, it's ok. I will see you again. Just stay here for me," Link kissed her on the forehead then went to stand by Aragorn.

"I'm sorry, love, I've got to go! Orli said to Sami who desperately clung onto him.

"T.T Noooooooo!" Sami cried.

"Oh come on, it's all right!" He detached himself from Sami and went to go chat with his on-screen counter part.

"I still don't think you should go," Professor Oak said. "But here, take this." He handed Aragorn a small, red thing.

"What in Lucifer's name is this evil device?!" Aragorn bellowed.

"Er..." Professor Oak sweat-dropped. "It's a Pokédex, for any interesting creatures you happen to come by...hehehe," he looked rather nervous.

"Hmm...." Aragorn pointed the Pokédex at Gimli.

"A Gimli," the thing said. "Small and chunky, these Dwarves are usually homosexual and usually wear outdated clothes."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed.

"Oh, all right then," Aragorn pocketed it. "Right then, men, forward!" He kicked his leg on which Merry was sitting.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!" Sami exclaimed.

They stopped and looked at her. Aragorn kicked Merry off.

"What?!" Aragorn asked rudely.

"Here," Sami rummaged through her plot hole and took out some Calamine Lotion. She tossed it to Legolas. "You might need that."

Legolas blushed a spectacular shade of crimson. Oliver and Ewan looked at each other.

"Now?" Oliver said.

"Oh hold on. One...two," Ewan counted, "three!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They laughed and pointed at him.

"..." Legolas looked at the lotion, then at Oliver and Ewan, then at Sami. "Why did you have to do this to me?" he asked.

"Trust me, you'll need it," Sami smiled. Katie elbowed her in the ribs.

"Don't even go all girlish on me. Besides, you should have left him. It would have been funny to see how it turned out," Katie said.

"Well, what about you with Li—" she was cut off by another elbow to the ribs.

"Ow...T.T," Sami nursed her ribs.

So, once again, Aragorn's brigade marched off with everyone waving at them like they do in all the Pokémon episodes.

"Don't leave me..." Merry cried.

"It's ok. You can stay with me," Joey said.

"Aw, how sweet," Katie snarled and Joey looked at her. 

"Now what?" Katie asked.

"I have no idea...." Sami replied.

***

"Do do do do! Do do do do do do!" Pippin pretended he was playing the trumpet, for they had finally arrived at Minas Tirith.

Gandalf smacked him.

"Ow..."

"Here we are, the Gates of Minas Tirith," Gandalf said at the gates of Minas Tirith.

"DUDE! IT'S MITHRANWEED!" Some guard guy ran up to Gandalf.

"Mithranweed?" Pippin mouthed to Renee who shrugged.

"Hey some guard guy, no in front of the little one," he nodded in the direction of Renee and Pippin who were busy playing slaps.

"Oh, right man," Some guard guy replied. "So what brings you to these parts of town. I heard you weren't selling anymore."

"Oh, right, um, about that, uh, later," he again pointed at Renee and Pip. "I need you to take me to your lord Denethor. I have news of Boromir."

"Aww, yeah, Boromir, man. He was freaking awesome. At all those parties that the orcs would come to break up he'd kick their ass like that and that and that!" he started doing karate moves.  
Gandalf cleared his throat.

"Aww, yeah, mean, that's right. In this way," he opened the gate.

"Thanks," Gandalf said and shook his hand.

"HEY! GANDALF! I SAW THAT LITTLE DEAL THERE YOU..." Renee began but Gandalf put his hand over her mouth.

"Oh, look at the time," he looked at his wrist that had no watch. "Better be going," And then he dragged them off.


	29. Twenty-Nine

**Invading the Fellowship**

Part Twenty-Nine

"It's dark in here," Sam complained as they walked through the cave. "And my feet hurt."

"Well, maybe if you wore *shoes*," Megan muttered.

Gollum poked Sam with his gun. "Walkses!"

"Fine, fine, I'm walking."

"I know!" Frodo exclaimed suddenly.

"What, you finally remembered about that vial of light Galadriel gave you?"

Frodo nodded. "Now if I could just remember where I put it..."

Megan pulled a flashlight out of her plothole and clicked it on.

"My eyes! The light!"

"First it's too dark, now it's too light. Make up your mind, Gamgee," Peter said.

"Hushes!" Gollum commanded.

Megan blinked. "I don't hear anything."

"I do," Peter offered. "It sounds like it's right around that corner."

"Well, if it's right around that corner, why can't we hear it?"

He shrugged. "Because I'm Spider-Man, and you aren't."

"Oh, okay."

Suddenly, the Green Goblin zoomed around the corner. "Mwahahahahaha!" he cackled. "I'm going to get the One Ring of Power, and then I'm going to rule the world!!"

"Aha!" exclaimed Frodo. "That's what it was!"

"Meeple," said Megan, hiding behind a nearby rock.

"Where's Peter when you need him?" Sam wondered as Gollum started using his M-16 on the Green Goblin.

"Boomses!" Gollum yelled, but his bullets didn't seem to be working. "Damn," he muttered.

"WHERE'S THE RING?" the Goblin yelled, grabbing Frodo. "GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!"

"I think not," a voice said.

"SPIDER-MAN!" Megan squealed. "Squeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Er, hi, Megan," Spider-Man said to her. "Now drop the hobbit!"

"Okay, fine, whatever you say." The Green Goblin dropped Frodo.

"Mister Frodo!" Sam cried. "Mister Frodo, are you all right?"

Frodo didn't say anything.

"T.T Mister Frodo's deaaaaaaaaaad!" Sam started sobbing.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man was beating the crap out of the Green Goblin as Megan and Gollum stood on the sidelines cheering.

"Spidey, Spidey, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can! Goooo Spidey!" Megan had pulled red + blue pompoms out of her plothole for the occasion.

"Goeses! Fightses! Winses!" Gollum also had pompoms, and he was doing backflips.

Within a few minutes, Spider-Man had the Green Goblin stuck to the wall with a bunch of webs. He dusted his hands off, satisfied.

"Spider-Man! My hero!" Megan exclaimed.

"Aw, it was nothing. All in a day's work." He dropped down from the ceiling and dangled in front of Megan, who peeled his mask off and kissed him.

"You're cheating on Mister Frodo," Sam muttered.

"Does you wantses to join Mister Frodo?" Gollum asked, pointing his M-16 at Sam threateningly.

"Yes!" Sam sobbed. "I do! More than anything else in the world!"

Megan and Spider-Man stopped kissing and gave Sam a weird look.

"Wait, what am I saying?" Sam blinked. "No, I want to be alive and carry out Mister Frodo's mission to destroy the Ring." He bent down and took the ring off of Frodo's neck.

"Someone's coming!" Peter (who, much to Megan's dismay, had taken off his Spider-Man costume) exclamed. "Hide!"

Everybody hid behind some conveniently placed styrofoam rocks as variously assorted orcs came in.

"Look, a thingy," an orc said.

"It's a hobbit," retorted anonymous orc.

"Whatever." Some orc shrugged. "Let's take it back to our tower thing."

"Okay." Bob the orc grabbed Frodo by the ankles and slung him over one shoulder. "Let's go." They left.

"Mister Froooooodoooo!" Sam wailed. "They took my Frodo!"

Megan glared at him. "He's *my* Frodo."

"But you have all those other guys."

"So? Do you have a problem with me being a whore?"

"When you put it that way, no."

"Okay. Now let's go rescue Frodo."

"Whee!" Sam skipped out of the cave.

Peter blinked. "Isn't Frodo dead?"

"No, Sam just thinks he is."

"Oh, okay."

"It's a plot device. Remember how everybody thought Gandalf was dead, but then he showed up again later? It's kinda like that."

"Sure, whatever." Peter shrugged as they followed Sam.


End file.
